How do you learn to speak up for yourself in a work environment?

Kim. V, New York

Argh! This a tough one for me. I absolutely hate confrontation. But I also ain’t no punk. You just have to do it. Whether it’s asking for a raise or confronting work place bullying you deserve to be heard.

This question can cover several scenarios. I’ll discuss three.

So the first that comes to mind is when asking for a raise. I have often felt like I was overlooked for raises simply because I am a woman. In those instances I really did some soul searching. Why did I deserve a raise?

This usually involved making lots of list so I could make a clear presentation to my managers, directors etc. I reminded them of my duties and showed them all the ways that I went above and beyond (clocking in early, leaving late, answering late night/ weekend emails so our clients can have immediate answers).

In both instances that I felt compelled to ask for a raise I got them. But it still wasn’t a fun experience. I’ve always had trouble asking for things…even when I deserve them .

The second I’d like to cover is when you feel like you are being treated unfairly by your superior. A quick example; everyone at your job spends a fair amount of time on there personal phones. All out in the open right in front of the boss. Yet he/she only seems to single out you when call attention to it.

I didn’t personally experience this but was asked how I would handle it.

I would definitely ask to speak with my boss in private, it’s very important to remember to not throw anyone else under the bus but to make clear that it is a situation that goes beyond just me. And that when it is addressed I would appreciate not being singled out but the employees should be addressed as a whole during a meeting and then if necessary spoken to in private.

The last one I want to discuss is workplace bullying. Bullying isn’t exclusive to Junior High schoolyards. It can and does exist in the workplace. I’ve experienced this first hand and it’s unfortunate it was by another woman.

I let it go on for far to long because I believed that at the end of the day my kindness would defeat her coldness. But that never happened and I finally spoke up for myself and basically asked for her to be removed or I was going to quit.

She was removed. And in the end it turned out that the reason she acted so vicious towards me wasn’t even work related. She had a crush on a male co-worker she felt I was a little to close to.

Whatever the situation, don’t be afraid to speak up but always stay calm and be respectful. A lot of times other’s aren’t aware of how their behavior is affecting you.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

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