Co-parenting and the holidays

This is definitely a tough one. I feel like I got cheated out of Thanksgiving with my youngest because she was generally at the mercy of her dad who has custodial custody and drives her around, but I also realize that not everyone has the luxury have of being able to communicate with them.

When we separated, there really wasn’t any love lost between us. For several years after the marriage ended we continued to co-habituate under the same roof for the sake of the kids. But that can only last so long, so we eventually went our separate ways. My youngest daughter chose to live with him and even though it broke my heart I knew it was the best thing for her.

We don’t have an official holiday vising schedule set in place, and I feel like we definitely need one ASAP especially for next year. I mean you only get to see her EVERYDAY of the year, can I get a Christmas morning every other year? I don’t think its to much to ask for.

So what would be fair? Switching every other year just like I implemented when we were married. It’s not really that hard and trust me I know he will miss her. I certainly do but all is fair in civility and war.

I’m hoping she will be able to make it to my sister’s house for Christmas eve, I guess I will start harassing him now. We actually do get along now we have both moved on with our personal lives and our only connection is the children. Have we mastered this co-parenting thing? Hell No! but we are civil enough to each other and are trying our best.

For others, they aren’t this lucky and that is a terribly sad thing. When two people who were intimate enough to create a life but now can’t even stand each other enough to do what’s in the best interest of the child. I’d like to be naive and think that the warmth of the holiday seasons can warm up even the coldest of hearts..but reality sets in and reminds me that this is real life and not some Hallmark movie.

So what would I suggest to anyone that isn’t getting to spend the holidays with their child? It is in no way a substitution but make sure you spend it with people you love and make you feel loved. Don’t close yourself off to the world. Make sure you document the holiday in some way that is meaningful to you and them. Maybe it is an old tradition you shared and want to keep alive or a new tradition you hope to incorporate when you are finally reunited.

Most of all never give up hope that things will someday be different. That’s what I do. Hope, its the invisible gift that keeps giving me life.

Are you a single parent? How are you splitting the holidays this season?

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

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