You will never understand what it feels like to be a woman. Not only are we expected to look cute and be sexy all the time. But think about all the money and time that is invested in that.

I used to have what I like to call “personal maintenance” days religiously, every two weeks. This consisted of getting my acrylic nails filled and my eyebrows threaded and once a month I would get a pedicure. Not only did all these little services add up in expense but it is also very time consuming. There are so many other things I could be doing on a Saturday morning 😴, also I’ve lost count how many time I’ve sat in those chairs with a massive hangover.

And let’s forget men and the difference in our bodies and how doctors appointments go. They might have their balls cupped and asked to cough and then when they reach fifty have a camera inserted in their butts, but that seems pretty easy to me.

As a woman I have at least three different doctors/vital annual exams. There is my PCP (Primary Care Physician) I actually have a new one that I’m meeting today since my old one has left the practice. Whee fun times, I hate seeing a new doctor, I always feel like they think I’m making my symptoms up.

Even more fun is when we have to get our annual mammograms. Guys have you had one? Has your wife/GF/mother explained to you the joys of this exam? No? okay, let me walk you through it…

Imagine if you will, standing topless in front of a machine designed to flatten your breast like a pancake. It’s not awkward enough that you have a complete stranger applying nipple markers on you and arranging and rearranging your breast just right on the plastic plate but they make you stand in such an uncomfortably awkward position as well, practically hugging the machine. This done at least four times, breathe and they may have to begin the process again…or worse call you back in.

But the best is when you have your annual GYN exam (totally being sarcastic here) noting like a stranger telling you to scooch your butt down to the end of the table and spread your legs wide, while inserting a plastic speculum into your vagina and gouging cells off your cervix…okay it’s not gouging it’s more like a scraping but still.

If I sound like I am man bashing, I promise you I’m really not. Just going through a lot personally lately and as menopause is approaching I’m becoming more aware of my limitations and quite frankly, it’s making me very sad, which I’m sure is translating into angry, vicious, evil bitch to my husband.

I don’t mean to push him away, but all of the explanations in the world, revealing all my insecurities and fears will never be enough for him to understand how I need him near me, yet please go away, but not so far that you can’t hear me crying out for you because you are everything to me.

Women, we are wondrous, gorgeous, amazing creatures whose bodies can do amazing things, so I’m finding it really hard to be losing this superpower. What will become of me now?

Go hug your mother’s and massage your wife’s feet, as your women we go through a lot that goes unnoticed.

Men, if I misspoke and you have stories you would like to share, please do so below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com