Tag: Relationships

One Year Later

One Year Later

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Can you believe it? It has been one year since all of our lives have been changed forever. Whether you’ve lost someone to Covid or not, you can’t tell me your life has not been changed in some way.

For some it may have been their favorite restaurant closing their doors or having to retake elementary courses in order to home school their children or having their freedom taken away when the executive order for a curfew was set in place.

Perhaps you had to wait on long lines to buy groceries or got into fist fights over toilet paper or had your income reduced because they reduced your hours at work…reducing your paitence with life.

For many it would be losing a loved one. We have all lost someone to Covid. Whether it was an immediate family member or old college roomate. It has touched everyone.

For me Covid would come in the form of one of life’s greatest losses a person can have, I lost my mother. I know that the death of a parent is supposed to be part of the natrual order of life but it was so sudden, without any warnings. One day we are planning her anniversary dinner at her favorite Chinese restaurant and the next we are saying our last goodbyes.

At first we were witnessing this nightmare happen to people on the other side of the world, here; she was being treated for a UTI and then she was just gone. How did this happen? It was so swift and unexpected and her death left alot of things unsaid. It left a deafening silence on my heart and a vulnerability I’m not used to.

2020 was like something out of a B scifi movie (B is for BAD), we had everything from a killer virus to murder hornets to riots and race wars and monstorus storms….oh my.

Being quarantined tested humanity, tested our patience and tested my marriage. But we all made it through.

The buses were free, which I was grateful for because an already scary subway system became even more so when the homeless took over. City streets once full of tourist life were now empty and it was eerily quiet. Now there is more activity in the streets but will it ever be the once thriving city it once was?

When it finally got warm and outdoor activities became available I spent a lot of time alone at the beach to reflect. Nothing like crying into your beer on the sand. Outdoor dining became an everywhere thing, not just swanky parts of Manhattan but even in lil ole Queens. It was great, finally a way to socialize and at least get out of the house and interact with other humans again.

But life for all of us as moved forward. The holiday’s came and went without a hitch. Obviously there was a big gap in our hearts because it was the first without mom but as a family we got through it together. Stronger I think.

For some, being quarrantined was creating a new life that will be born into the family with renewed hope and faith. Sadness takes over when I think about mom not being here to hold a new grandchild but I know she’s watching over our newest family member.

In January, my husband and I got the VID and I was sick for three weeks (him for only 2 days). It figures, that I would go almost the whole pandemic and get sick right when they began distributing vaccines. We made it through though.

While life for the general public seemed to be regaining some normalcy my private life was slowly falling apart. Nothing to scandalus but enough to make me question everything from life to love. Having just lost my mother, not being able to see my kids for Mother’s Day or my birthday. My birthday going from being the best day ever to a royal rumble.

From having my husband by my side 24/7 to him barely here. June, July and August were really dificult adjustment periods for me. So much that I even “ran away” from home. I remember the turning point, he picked me up from the beach and we got into a huge fight because I had to pee. He wasn’t the same after that. Not for awhile anyway.

I do feel robbed of time though. We were newly married right before the world fell apart. A time we should have been discovering life as husband and wife we were now confined to the house.

When we should have been celebrating life we were mourning mom. When we should have been starting on our own journey, we were called home to family.

I’ve no regrets I only wish my mom could have been here for it all and I could have kept my promise.

My husband has a famous saying… “feelings aren’t facts. But the fact is that my feelings were very much hurt and I still occasionally deal with the repercussions, especially when the wounds are reopened with fresh claws by old cats. It’s hard to heal though when there is still much going on in the world that is more important than me.

The world has been through enough this year. I know that I certainly have. Not sure how much more I can take either. Good thing is I had Covid so I don’t need the vaccine right away. Bad thing is I had Covid and I’m not sure how this will affect me down the road, no one is. Good thing is that I’m resilient and strong bad thing is I’m fragile and weak. It’s like a wait and see type of game.

But that’s life, there are no guarantees on anything.

So let’s wait and see…

One +One=Three

One +One=Three

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

A Man Has Two Women. He Lies To One, The Other One He Is Completely Honest With. Which One Does He Love? The answer is simple. Neither.

The same can be said for women. Nothing is more sillier to me (IMO) than a woman that 1. thinks her husband loves her more because he comes home every night after a hard day of cheating or 2. the woman that thinks he loves her more because he chooses to break his vows to be with her. There are zero winners here. Not even the man.

I’ve had the unfortunate luck of being one of these women. Can you guess which one? If you said the (for lack of a better word) side piece you are correct. It’s not something I am proud of, but it also wasn’t the worst demoralizing moments of my life. I was a grownup and made a grown up decision to enter that type of relationship willing. I’m neither proud nor ashamed.

I can tell you, I’ve had many panic attacks when my phone would ring during odd hours of the night from a private caller wondering if it would be his wife calling to give me a piece of her mind. It never was. As a good side piece, I never lost my place or stepped out of my lane. I knew my place was in the bed of a sometimes quaint hotel and nothing more existed outside of those walls. Also, I wasn’t foolish enough to think if his marriage imploded because me that he would suddenly realize that I was the one he should have chosen from the beginning. My life is not a Rom-Com.

So I thought about what dumb thing I would say if she ever did call me, and yeah they would all be pretty dumb. Hurtful actually, because that was my mindset at the time. I did my best to hide in the shadows, if he was carless it was because he wanted to be caught. And that is your argument with him.

These are imaginary conversations to me, but I’m sure women and men all over the world are having them right now. So here goes, please keep in mind these have no basis on my current life.

The Wife

So this is the woman that my husband can’t seem to stay from. Aren’t you tired of being lonely? Yes, he might steal moments away from his family to play with you but that’s exactly what you are, a toy. He will never give you any real significant time, not on the days that count, like holidays. Those days are reserved for the people he loves, his family.

Do you enjoy stalking my social media? I keep just enough of it public for you, to remind you of your place. I’m the one he’s building a future with, the one he goes on vacation with, the one he goes to sleep beside and the first person he sees in the morning.

What do you have? Text messages of broken promises and probably pictures you can never share. I know he’s probably dumb enough to take pictures with you to give you a false sense of security and I’m sure he has threatened you that if you expose them it’s over. Please. Post them. And he will be all yours. Give me my freedom.

The Other woman

If you’re so smart, then why are you still with him. He obviously doesn’t love you since he still comes to me. He tells me all about you. You don’t cook, you don’t clean and it goes with out saying, you suck in bed. All those things he likes in bed…yeah I do them. Does he love me? No. But he doesn’t love you either. Stolen moments? Yeah they are, but at least when he’s with me, I know he isn’t with you. He doesn’t take your calls or answer your messages and feeds you lame stories that you buy.

I might not get to go away on fancy vacations or spend holiday’s with him but he tells me that he wishes it was me that was with him and that’s enough for me. I’m not so dumb to believe that if I were in your shoes he would be different. I’d rather be in my place, his side bitch the one he comes to when he needs to talk without being criticized, the one he comes to when the stress of his life with YOU becomes to much for him to bear.

When he’s not with me, I know he’s with you. When he’s not with you, he could be with anyone else and that must keep you up at night. Now you tell me which position is worse? I’d rather be me and continue to have a life than be you, a woman that settled because you think he will change. He won’t. If its not me, there will always be someone else.

The Truth

This man loves neither woman, I don’t think he even has the capacity to love himself. The reality is men and women cheat because they can. They will use every excuse under the sun to justify it but you can be the perfect spouse and still get cheated on. It takes a certain level of maturity and honesty to be in a relationship which some people have not yet reached.

Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. If your wife hasn’t cooked, maybe find out why and instead of cheating help them with the reasons. If your husband doesn’t seem to be paying attention to you, ask him if he’s okay and help him solve the issues that are weighing him down.

I’ve learned my lesson when it comes to cheating. I was honest with my ex-husband when I told him I no longer wanted to be with him, but the years leading up to it is where the real communication should have began. I should have told him what made me unhappy and when I was sad and why. But I chose to reman silent until there was no other option.

Do I regret it? No. But do I regret the extra years wasted hoping everything would turn around like magic. But there is nothing magical about marriage, it’s hard work, commitment, honesty, faithfulness understanding and most importantly respect. Without mutual respect for each other you have nothing except two people playing house just waiting for the next best thing to come along.

Be good to one another. Be faithful . And if you find you can be neither, be honest and let them go.

Am I worried my husband will cheat? Of course I am, not because I’m not a good woman, not because he is a bad man. Sometimes Karma comes wrapped in everything you ever wanted in a person to teach you a lesson. And sometimes Karma is the prison you created from your past.

Ticking Time Bomb

Ticking Time Bomb

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Disclaimer: To my male readers, sorry it might get icky 🔴

My biological clock is ticking…actually I think the batteries have died and my clock is permanently broken. It’s been 57 days since I last had a period (using my lady from Titanic voice), which makes it about 25 days late .

I thought I saw some…lets call it movement about 20 days ago but nothing since. Everyday is a struggle because 🗣 I WANT TO WEAR MY WHITE PANTS WITHOUT FEAR OF A SNEAK ATTACK! So I just wear them all willy nilly praying “please don’t come today”.

From my waist down every bone and muscle hurts. If you ever had a period you know what I’m talking about, that painful knee throb that hurts when you walk, sit or stand.

The splintering throb in your pants that reminds you that you are walking around with a swollen vagina that feels like bamboo shoots have been shoved up there. At least that’s what I imagine having bamboo shoots shoved up your vagina would feel like.

Not to mention all the belly aches and headaches and the tender breastses that hurt when air hits them. The funny thing is, is that if I were just a little younger (okay a lot younger) these could all be mistaken for the symptoms of pregnancy, but I’m not and refuse to pee on a stick and give myself two minutes of hope.

Emotionally and physically I am a ticking time bomb. Now I’m not making excuses for snapping at my husband (8% of the time he probably deserves it lol) but I am saying that I’m extremely on edge these days.

Also, my sex drive is completely through the roof, so much so that I constantly want my husband to bang me like a screen door during a hurricane (did I just say that out loud?). I’m not a animal, I just want my husband to give me sex and rub my feet, belly and back at 30 minute intervals.

But back to my ticking time bomb. The ticks are so loud sometimes they are deafening which puts me in a angry at the world mood. Being someone’s mother was the only thing I was ever good at and the only thing I ever wanted to be.

🔴Update: It’s here, and boy is it bad.

Buy The Flowers

Buy The Flowers

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Yesterday while I was out shopping I tried to find some more artificial purple roses for my mom. I usually buy them when I see them and then instead of giving them to her myself, I just give then to my dad so that he may gently arrange them on her grave.

I don’t ever recall him bringing her flowers so I’m pretty sure she is watching from Heaven pretty amused and if I’m being quite honest, I don’t think I did either. I never even really paid attention to the color purple. Now when I see a Purple rose/flower I HAVE to buy it…for dad of course.

What is it about death that deserves flowers? How come we don’t fill our loved ones arms with flowers while they are alive to enjoy them? Miss Anne Frank has answered this best.

 ‘Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude.’

~Anne Frank

Last night I asked H for some fresh flowers for my new vase, I wasn’t fishing but it did remind me of an argument we had a couple of weeks ago right after I bought the vase.

I asked him for fresh flowers to fill it, a few days went by and it still remained empty. So without thinking I bought myself a bouquet of artificial white roses. I didn’t mean it as a sign of impatience with him I just hated seeing the vase empty. And fresh flowers can be expensive, so I just wanted the artificial roses on hand for times we can’t afford them.

I can hear him now…”Babe, I will always be able to afford to buy you flowers!” He absolutely hates when I talk about money or rather when I don’t talk about money. He hates that I don’t ask for financial help until I’m on my last quarter. I hate that I asked for flowers.

Not because I don’t think I deserve them, not because I don’t think he will get them but because given the current climate, it seems like such a trivial thing to ask for. But what if mom would have asked for purple roses…would I have run out to buy them as I do now? I don’t think so. Because flowers are for the dead and regret is stronger than gratitude and I always learn the lesson after it’s been taught.

Buy the flowers, don’t wait for special occasions to wear that special dress, don’t wait to learn the meaning of regret. Practice gratitude so that when the time comes you will have no regrets. Live, Love, and live and love some more.

This was short but I hope sweet.

Jai

Manic Monday (Two weeks later).

Manic Monday (Two weeks later).

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I woke up today and for that I want to say thank you. My life has been a complete mess lately and I know I have began to lose sight of all the little things we take for granted. Like waking up, like having a soft pillow to lay my head on and everything in between.

I’ve even taken Monday’s for granted, not everyone will be blessed to make it to next Monday. So for all of us that have made it to this one…cheers to you and I. Life is too short, repeat after me…LIFE IS TOO SHORT.

It’s become sort of a mantra lately, whenever I become upset with a person or a situation or anything actually, I quietly remind myself that life is too short to be unhappy and I have the power to change it. Being unhappy is a choice not a given, so why choose it.

I started to draft this two Monday’s ago but was unable to complete it due to events that happened when I got home.

Two weeks ago, my dad decided he wanted to end it all, fortunately his attempt was unsuccessful. But it really got me thinking how suicide is truly a selfish act. It leaves behind your loved ones wondering if there was anything they could do to stop you. And the honest truth is for someone that truly wants to end their life there is nothing that will stop them, only they can stop themselves. I know, I have been in that position more than once in my life.

It isn’t fair to to the family, we all have lives too. Some of us live there, some are near and some are across the country. We are not trained professionals, we should not be held accountable for someone else’s actions, and no one should aim to blame anyone if he did manage to do it. I know this coming from the other side of the pill bottle. I was a selfish teen/young woman and while my reasons may have seemed valid, they were most definitely NOT.

I…am still after all these years seeking my father’s approval. Which is why I didn’t want him to be mad at me. Every time I have to speak with him regarding his behavior, the loud music, the outbursts (wait, who is the parent here?) it just gets worse for me.

Yeah, the tantrum only lasts for a few hours , maybe a day but it’s added stress until the eventual tugging of the ear and the “I’m sorry honey” which signals that he is no longer angry with me, which brings relief because all I ever wanted was to be genuinely loved.

Childhood, it most certainly leaves it’s mark and molds us into the adults we become. Most day’s I’m very proud of the woman that stares back at me in the mirror, but lately I’m wondering who she is.

I spend an awful amount of time crying and feeling alone, even when I am surrounded by people. Granted, I just lost my mother, my marriage feels like it’s falling apart right now and my dad is slowly losing his grip. It’s a wonder how I’m not self medicating with anything harder than wine and hard seltzer…oh yea, it’s because I can’t afford it.

My heart is in a constant state of panic. I feel things I cannot see and it is a constant tug of war between reality and intuition, between feeling alive and feeling dead inside, between wanting to know and not knowing.

I feel like the answers I need are staring right at me but I’m too afraid to really see them, because what happens if I receive the answers I’m dreading , what will I do then? Will I be strong enough to do what’s best for me? I always have💜. The problem is I’m broken right now, still trying to heal from my mother’s untimely death, still trying to figure out this marriage thing (just because it’s my third doesn’t mean I’m an expert) and still trying to adjust to the changes with life in general.

I will always be thankful, that’s how I was raised to be. Thankful for every part of my life up til this point. For every lesson, for every love, for every lie. Thankful for every stone thrown my way because I have stacked them so high and used them to reach things not meant for me, I’ve used them to build walls to protect myself and throw them back when necessary.

Thankful for all the people that stood by me and cheered me on and especially thankful for those who thought I’d never be anything but a pretty face. Jokes on you.

Thankful for H, it’s been a struggle so far but we haven’t given up on each other. Not that we both have not created some pretty serious waves but we’re still staying afloat (see babe, you can swim 🏊🏾‍♂️).

Thankful that once again we have reached another Monday. Cheers to you and I🥂.

What would mom do?

What would mom do?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Everyday I lay in the same spot you did wondering how many days and nights you stared up at the ceiling or out the window wishing your mother was here to guide you. I wish you were here.

I’m an emotional mess these days, but I don’t have to tell you that, you can see everything. I know you see periods of me forgetting to eat or softening my pain with alcohol. Taking sleeping pills that don’t work to fall into a sleep that never comes. Sleep I so desperately need to fill the gaps of loneliness and uncertainty that never seemed to close.

If you knew everything that you knew when you died…would you still have done it all the exact same way? I believe I would but with exceptions, I would not have stayed in such terrible relationships for as long as I did, accepting so little of what I deserved. Maybe I would have found love sooner and not have wasted what was the last of my precious childbearing years.

School, I would have definitely finished school and gotten my degree in social work. I probably still would not be living in a penthouse but I may be in a more comfortable financial situation than I am now. BTW, do you remember why I told you I wanted to live in a penthouse? It was because dad is afraid of heights and I could hide from him there. Look at me now.

I don’t mean to sound sad, but I am. My life is different now and I’m not sure I have the strength for anymore change. Losing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through and nothing, not any relationship, friendship nor any job on earth will top the the loss of my mother, not a one. And just because it is natural order, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

Actually, the loss of one of my children would be worse and that is something I hope I never have to live through fore I would cut out my own beating heart just to give it to them.

How did you do it? Daily life, juggling everything that was important to you and everything that your family needed? Did you ever have a hard time asking for the things you needed? Did you ever want to run away? I did…I have and it was the hardest decision I made in my relationship with H.

I didn’t even really mean to run away, it all happened so fast that it actually felt like it was a dream, swiftly yet I moved in slow motion as my heart raced, wondering if I made the right decision. Was it worth it? I dunno, a lot could have transpired over the 48 hours we were apart and although I did not get the result I had hoped for I did get sometime to do some soul searching.

I felt brave and strong and yes scared. But there was an unbelievable calmness that came over me as I examined my life from all angles.

No couple is perfect, we’re no exception. I’m trying to find my voice and speak up for what I want before it becomes what I wanted. The problem with speaking up is what happens if I don’t receive the answers I hoped for?

I’m trying to not let my anxiety dictate my fears over facts but I feel like I’m losing my grasp. I’m incredibly broken right now.

Do I believe we’re soulmates? Yes, but somewhere along the way we got disconnected from each other. Can we get back to the place we once were? I’m hopeful.

The problem with relationships is that if you speak with your family and friends they form well meaning intentions and ill feelings towards your SO. Once the dust settles and you decide to work things out they seem to be less forgiving. So I’m suffering in silence.

I’ve been relying a lot on prayers and readings these days and I’m thisshy from seeking professional help. So please my dear sweet mother, who had a heart of gold and was the Queen of forgiveness, the woman who saw the goodness in everyone…what would you do?

*If any of my friends or family are reading this, we’re okay. Just trying to figure some things out and get back to the place we once were.

Single and dating during a pandemic

Single and dating during a pandemic

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Single and dating during a pandemic

Being single and dating under even regular normal everyday circumstances can be nerve wracking and frustrating. So I can imagine it is that much more difficult during a pandemic.

Use this time and think positively. If you are currently on a dating app/website, this time of social distancing can be used to actually getting to know the person. No first date pressure at least for a while, just chatting and actual phone conversations.

If things are going well you can have a virtual first date. You can both set up a time you are available and share a meal over facetime or watch a movie or TV show. Social distancing doesn’t have to mean seclusion and being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely.

We can finally get back to real conversations and getting to know each other. I think this is another way we can cut out some of the cat-fishing. I don’t even understand how cat-fishing is a thing nowadays with facetime and video apps. But if you have been a little dishonest about your appearance now is the time you can spruce yourself up a little bit.

But you shouldn’t be dishonest about your appearance or livelihood. The person who you fall in love with should love you for who you really are not who they think you are. I mean do you really want to spend the next pandemic with a-hole? I’d rather tough it out alone.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

New Norms

New Norms

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Life as we know it is changing. Businesses are at a standstill, a majority of people are working from home which is making the streets eerily empty, but my local grocery store is jam packed with all of our nessecities with the exception of toilet paper and black beans (which are my husband’s favorite)…who knew black beans were an apocalypse must have? Not me, that’s for sure…but maybe that’s why we have a toilet paper shortage?

From the time I left work on Friday with the exception of a quick trip to the supermarket and McDonald’s on Saturday, we snuggled and stayed in the house. I just had to have that McDonald’s and wanted to stock up on some more meat. I was partly afraid to see empty shelves but was more horrified at the prices…really, 12$ for some drumsticks that aren’t even “Perdue”? They should be ashamed of themselves.

Shelter in place. Unfortunately/fortunately I’m not yet bound to this law, as my job still finds me essential. So much so that I have to carry around a note in case I get stopped by the authorities (Yay for income). But unfortunately it means I have to leave my nice warm bed and my husband for a little while which sucks (even though he doesn’t think, I think it sucks).

Shelter in place. I don’t know how to shelter or stay in place. I’m like a little jitterbug constantly moving around, usually flitting from one thing to another like a social butterfly. I thought hard about this, why do I still at 40-something years old still look out the window and pout on rainy days, like a child missing out on a grand birthday party. Or worse, when I can’t seem to make it out on a beautiful sunny day.

I thought long and hard about this, my husband said I’m like a child…he’s almost right. Being confined to the house was most of my childhood. I’ve already done shelter in place. My mother worked two jobs and my father was a hermit. I rarely got outside into the fresh air and bright sunshine. So I guess in a way I should be prepared for this, but I’m not.

But if I’m being honest, if my job gave me a choice I’d stay home, I come to work because I HAVE too. There are many that were not given a choice and many that may not have a job to return to. So I’m very grateful for the chance to still be working.

In the meantime. I’m also very grateful that on most days my husband can accompany me to work, just his presence alone makes me feel safe. I know that there isn’t much that can be done about someone coughing on me, but when he is with me people usually think twice about approaching me or even glancing in my direction.

I know it’s very selfish of me to ask him to take me (especially since we are using public transportation) I know it’s selfish to wake him from a deep sleep, and this is why I’m extremely grateful to have him in my life. I may not be so brave, if I were facing this pandemic alone. I’m so thankful that I’m not.

It seems this will be the new norm for awhile. Please be safe and be well♥️.

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

In order for relationships to work, it takes more than two willing people in love, it takes two willing people in love to put in the hard work it requires. It takes being able to stand by each other through he good as well as the bad.

Honesty: Always be honest with each other. Even if it hurts. Now I’m not saying to just go about doing shitty things to each other, just because you will come clean about it. No, I’m talking about things like if you have been unfaithful explain to the best of your ability why, if you your feelings have changed, then why, If they do something that hurts you, why. But don’t only be honest about the bad things, be honest about everything. The things that make you happy, sad, uncomfortable. The things you feel need to work on, on yourself and or the relationship.

Trust: Trust is essential but can be hard especially if after being honest about infidelity but it is really the only way that the relationship can be salvaged after something like that. Trust can also be hard if you keep dwelling on the past and making your current partner pay for past relationship mistakes. I know I’m guilty of this. I sometimes make my husband pay for things or behaviors that my ex’es may have done or put me through and he the same with me. Also I feel like (well at least for me) that karma is coming for me big time through him. I wasn’t always a good woman and I am afraid that my relationship will fail because I did have a blatant disregard for other’s relationships. But once again if trust is an issue, be honest with your partner as to why.

Communication: Communication is always the key. Now I want everyone to keep in mind, something I’m also learning myself, is that although you may communicate how you feel it may not always render the results you were seeking. For example, it makes me unhappy when my husband does certain things and he knows this. I’ve communicated it to him several times. He in turn communicates to me his reasoning. I get it, it still makes me unhappy but I know that I at least communicated to him my feelings instead of letting it fester inside my brain/heart.

Compromise: In a relationship there is definitely A LOT of compromising going on. I don’t mean it in a bad way. Sometimes it’s over what to eat or what movie to see. It’s sometimes about choosing your battles.

Forgiveness: There is definitely A LOT of forgiveness as well. It’s true, we sometimes hurt the one’s we love. It shouldn’t be that way, but it’s what winds up happening, even if it’s unintentional. H and I have been through some things we have forgiven each other for. Forgiveness is not always a given, it’s a personal decision but it can be a lot to take on. It’s trusting that the other person won’t do it again. It’s placing yourself in a position to be vulnerable. Its also a personal decision only you can decide if you can live with it. Sometimes the only person you need to forgive is yourself.

Relationships take work, unfortunately not everyone is willing to put in the effort. I for one plan to put everything I have into this. Not because I’m afraid of another failed marriage but because I see something in him worth fighting for. I hope he sees the same in me.

What are some of the important things in your relationship? Please feel free to share below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Dear Men,

Dear Men,

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

You will never understand what it feels like to be a woman. Not only are we expected to look cute and be sexy all the time. But think about all the money and time that is invested in that.

I used to have what I like to call “personal maintenance” days religiously, every two weeks. This consisted of getting my acrylic nails filled and my eyebrows threaded and once a month I would get a pedicure. Not only did all these little services add up in expense but it is also very time consuming. There are so many other things I could be doing on a Saturday morning 😴, also I’ve lost count how many time I’ve sat in those chairs with a massive hangover.

And let’s forget men and the difference in our bodies and how doctors appointments go. They might have their balls cupped and asked to cough and then when they reach fifty have a camera inserted in their butts, but that seems pretty easy to me.

As a woman I have at least three different doctors/vital annual exams. There is my PCP (Primary Care Physician) I actually have a new one that I’m meeting today since my old one has left the practice. Whee fun times, I hate seeing a new doctor, I always feel like they think I’m making my symptoms up.

Even more fun is when we have to get our annual mammograms. Guys have you had one? Has your wife/GF/mother explained to you the joys of this exam? No? okay, let me walk you through it…

Imagine if you will, standing topless in front of a machine designed to flatten your breast like a pancake. It’s not awkward enough that you have a complete stranger applying nipple markers on you and arranging and rearranging your breast just right on the plastic plate but they make you stand in such an uncomfortably awkward position as well, practically hugging the machine. This done at least four times, breathe and they may have to begin the process again…or worse call you back in.

But the best is when you have your annual GYN exam (totally being sarcastic here) noting like a stranger telling you to scooch your butt down to the end of the table and spread your legs wide, while inserting a plastic speculum into your vagina and gouging cells off your cervix…okay it’s not gouging it’s more like a scraping but still.

If I sound like I am man bashing, I promise you I’m really not. Just going through a lot personally lately and as menopause is approaching I’m becoming more aware of my limitations and quite frankly, it’s making me very sad, which I’m sure is translating into angry, vicious, evil bitch to my husband.

I don’t mean to push him away, but all of the explanations in the world, revealing all my insecurities and fears will never be enough for him to understand how I need him near me, yet please go away, but not so far that you can’t hear me crying out for you because you are everything to me.

Women, we are wondrous, gorgeous, amazing creatures whose bodies can do amazing things, so I’m finding it really hard to be losing this superpower. What will become of me now?

Go hug your mother’s and massage your wife’s feet, as your women we go through a lot that goes unnoticed.

Men, if I misspoke and you have stories you would like to share, please do so below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

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