Tag: Career

Rejuvenation

Rejuvenation

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It feels like I blinked and my weekend was…poof… gone! For the most part I spent it just watching t.v. in bed, while my husband worked and enjoyed a boys night. Don’t feel sad for me though, my weekend was not without any fun. I did wind up going to my sister’s house for lunch and wedding planning on Sunday, which usually involves a lot of prosecco and a ton laughs.

It was actually a very productive afternoon, she helped me dye my hair and we caught up on family current events. The one thing we didn’t really get to do was…you guessed it, wedding plan lol. But I suppose I have a few more weeks before I need to make any solid decisions regarding the guest list.

This weekend really got me thinking though about how much I really do miss being social and active outside of the house. Unfortunately this usually always happens during the winter months when I tend to hibernate from the cold weather. But since being in a serious relationship and now a married woman I have unintentionally cut ties with a lot of my girlfriends.

I no longer have a neighborhood bar where I get treated like royalty and everyone knows my name. I no longer have painful feet because I danced til dawn on a Saturday night and I no longer have a let’s get drunk at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon squad, and frankly… I miss it.

I didn’t really realize how much until my husband brought it to my attention. I need something to do while he has guys nights, he’s not 80 years old and still enjoys going to clubs etc…but I’m not 80 years old either. The only difference is that while he has been able to maintain his friendships, I have allowed mine to fall to out of touch. I miss my friends dearly but life has taken me on another path.

Don’t get me wrong, I still wanna vomit in a field (not really) and dance til dawn (definitely) and and go day drinking on a Sunday afternoon (đź’Żdefinitely), but I also wanna build some dreams, make some money. I wanna hang with the girls planning a book club although we never pick a book or actually meet. I want to hang with women who inspire me to do better and have goals of their own.

The only issue with this is that these women are usually much younger than me. Take for example my work daughters, they are inspiring to the core, young and full of energy and dreams. Unfortunately I think women my age (middle) are content with their lives and just accept it is what it is. But I’m not. I’ve always wanted to do more. I’ve always wanted to do everything.

I think that’s part of the reason I feel the strong desire to go back to school and get my degree in social work (that and the sixty thousand dollars I owe on the degree I don’t yet have) or how I try to convince my husband who is interested in going into politics that we need to involve ourselves in community affairs, hand out turkeys etc. It’s ME, I have to do these things, and in doing these things I hope to meet like minded women.

So over the next few weeks I will be researching local organizations and seeing where my heart is being called to and trying to rekindle some old yet valuable friendships and also taking some time to explore my surroundings. My neighborhood is rich with history as well as culture and I love to learn about everything.

So happy belated woman’s Day and here’s to friendships new and old!

Happy Monday.

Should you attend your holiday office party without your SO?

Should you attend your holiday office party without your SO?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Should you attend your holiday office party without your SO?

Is there a reason you’re excluding them? Understandably to keep cost down, some companies might not allow you to bring your SO. In this case to be respectful to H, I would make a quick run through, make sure all of the important people have seen me and then make my exit. Unless of course he is working or other wise busy, then I would stay longer. Point being, I would never want him to feel excluded. Would he do the same for me? Not really sure, but I would hope so.

I’ve been to many an office party and while I feel they are great fun and good for team camaraderie, anytime you add alcohol to the mix it can be a dangerous and thin line. Yes, I always drink too much but have always behaved myself. The same cannot be said of others.

In 2012, my company held a large Holiday party at our headquarters. The entire staff from every site was invited and although I hung out mostly with my team it was also supposed to be a great networking event. Well the alcohol was flowing and one of my former coworkers became a little handsy (we’ll call him R) and one of my other former coworkers (we’ll call him F) became really concerned.

So much that he accompanied me home on the train even though I was going in the opposite direction he was. All because R was going the same way and he wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to try anything further. R didn’t show up to work the next day and when he did return he apologized.

I’ve also witnessed firsthand some of the behavior that takes place at these parties. According to Emotional Affair Journey it’s like a “hot bed for infidelity”, I asked one of my former coworkers if she was bringing her husband to the company party, her response…”Would you bring sand to the beach?” I’m guessing that means no? lol. I’m not trying to be a Grinch and steal your holiday fun, if you’re single, do you! Although I wouldn’t advise shitting where you eat! Been there done that. Not as fun as everyone thinks, unless you like awkward situations.

Don’t get me wrong, not every party ends in drunken debauchery if you do wind up going alone just ask yourself is this how I want ____ to behave? If you decide to stay home here is two fun options to liven up your evening:

  1. If you have never watched “The Office” what are you waiting for??? Start watching! If you have, catch up on all of the Christmas episodes by using this handy guide from People and Mindy Aka Kelly Kapoor.
  2. Get a Santa hat and put it on the corner of the T.V.. Every time someone appears to be wearing it…take a shot of your favorite alcohol.

Snuggling and stuff with your love is also another great way to spend the evening. Holiday parties are fun, but there is nothing like spending time with the one you love…Corny, maybe. But I’m still in the honeymoon phase sooo Sssshhh.

Whatever you do make sure your safe. Please drink responsibly and DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE!

Also I think it’s extremely important to add when I say drink responsibly I’m also talking about being mindful of your actions. Alcohol aka liquid courage might help you get up the nerve to speak to someone you normally wouldn’t or say things more aggressively and make the other person uncomfortable. So maybe save the flirting for the watercolor and not the office party.

If you’re on the receiving end of unwanted advances I know it can be easy to want to chalk it up to the other person just being drunk and not really meaning anything by it. If it makes you uncomfortable say something. Alcohol should not be an excuse for bad behavior.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

What would you do if someone isn’t pulling there weight at work?

What would you do if someone isn’t pulling there weight at work?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

What would you do if someone isn’t pulling there weight at work?

Danielle.

Not sure what perspective this is being asked from. If you are in a leadership or management role, make sure he/she knows and understands exactly what is expected on the job before they are even hired. I don’t know if I would consider not knowing what the job consist of or how to do it as “not pulling their weight”.

For example, as a clerk at my job you must be able to carry 50 lbs and there is a lot of time spent on your feet, if the work comes in and you are sitting instead of pitching in or if we see a pattern of you not being available when the work comes down then we have a problem.

In the case you are not in a leadership or management role, observe, sometimes someone just needs some guidance. They may be afraid or to shy to ask what they should be doing, so don’t be afraid to ask them to work with you on a task.I appreciate when my staff asks if there is anything they should be doing and I especially appreciate when they ask to be trained in new roles.

I know how disheartening it can be if someone isn’t pulling their weight and you might feel like your doing all the work on your own. Especially if it was a team project and they didn’t contribute yet they receive the credit.

If trying to engage them to contribute doesn’t work, then you might want to speak with management so it doesn’t escalate into a bigger issue and create feelings of animosity.

Never let it affect your work ethic. I’m a firm believer that good work will eventually be acknowledged and rewarded. Sometimes it just takes longer to happen.

Wishing you the best.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

How do you work with someone you don’t get along with? Quitting is not an option.

How do you work with someone you don’t get along with? Quitting is not an option.

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

How do you work with someone you don’t get along with? Quitting is not an option.

Quitting is definitely NOT an option, we all have bills to pay.

You didn’t really mention why you don’t get along, was there a disagreement or a misunderstanding of some sort? Sometimes just talking one on one will work as long as the both of you can remain civil. If there has always been a history of bad blood, then it might be best to steer clear or see if your job offers conflict mediation.

Are either of you new? Maybe it’s just a hard time fitting in, which can create a hostile appearance. Being the new person isn’t always easy, do you remember being at a new school? Work isn’t any different. Try finding a common ground (type of music, T.V. show etc.) You might find you have something in common.

Have you tried just killing them with kindness? Lame, maybe. I know life isn’t always butterflies and sunshine. But I always try my best to be kind before anything. Does it always work? Nope.

I had a really bad experience with a co-worker a few years ago. She lived to make me miserable. We had some negative history, but I don’t allow personal history to affect my professional surroundings. I tried my best to be kind and I even sympathized with why she hated me, but there was just no way around that evil. Also it wasn’t just me she was unkind too, several other staff members told me in confidence that she was hostile with them as well.

So one day when I couldn’t take it anymore, I did go to my superiors and gave them an ultimatum. It was her or me…risky I know, because it could have gone either way. I was fortunate in this situation, because she was the one that was moved. But then I had to hear for months about how she was making her new site manager miserable 🤦‍♀️…she was eventually let go completely.

Just show up for work, make your money and go home…repeat. I do hope that things work out for the best. We spend more time at work than we do in our homes, no one should spend that much time being miserable.

Wishing you the best!

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

What do you think about workplace relationships?

What do you think about workplace relationships?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

What do you think about workplace relationships?

DON’T DO IT!!! And I say this coming from a place of experience. Don’t shit where you eat.

Years ago, I had a brief lived romance with a fellow coworker. We both held the same positions so at least there were no levels of superiority. It lasted about a year and we managed to keep it a secret for all that time. Even to this day no one knew about it.

But it was destined to fail from the beginning. Aside from the age difference, we were in it for different things. I liked the escape from real life it gave me and he just liked me. One of us developed stronger feelings for the other (not it) and it was better to end it amicably before it became a bigger issue.

It became extremely awkward afterwards and he eventually began dating another coworker (coincidentally my arch nemesis lol) , one more appropriate and willing to come out of the shadows.

It can be hard to not develop feelings for a coworker. I mean we do spend a good amount of time with these people daily ( at least 8+ hours) sometimes that’s more than we spend with our own families. But I think it’s important to never cross that line. My experience ended amicably. I consider myself lucky, that it never caused any kind of interoffice scandal. Nothing like being embarrassed in the work place.

So just don’t do it!

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thought and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

How do you learn to speak up for yourself in a work environment?

How do you learn to speak up for yourself in a work environment?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

How do you learn to speak up for yourself in a work environment?

Kim. V, New York

Argh! This a tough one for me. I absolutely hate confrontation. But I also ain’t no punk. You just have to do it. Whether it’s asking for a raise or confronting work place bullying you deserve to be heard.

This question can cover several scenarios. I’ll discuss three.

So the first that comes to mind is when asking for a raise. I have often felt like I was overlooked for raises simply because I am a woman. In those instances I really did some soul searching. Why did I deserve a raise?

This usually involved making lots of list so I could make a clear presentation to my managers, directors etc. I reminded them of my duties and showed them all the ways that I went above and beyond (clocking in early, leaving late, answering late night/ weekend emails so our clients can have immediate answers).

In both instances that I felt compelled to ask for a raise I got them. But it still wasn’t a fun experience. I’ve always had trouble asking for things…even when I deserve them .

The second I’d like to cover is when you feel like you are being treated unfairly by your superior. A quick example; everyone at your job spends a fair amount of time on there personal phones. All out in the open right in front of the boss. Yet he/she only seems to single out you when call attention to it.

I didn’t personally experience this but was asked how I would handle it.

I would definitely ask to speak with my boss in private, it’s very important to remember to not throw anyone else under the bus but to make clear that it is a situation that goes beyond just me. And that when it is addressed I would appreciate not being singled out but the employees should be addressed as a whole during a meeting and then if necessary spoken to in private.

The last one I want to discuss is workplace bullying. Bullying isn’t exclusive to Junior High schoolyards. It can and does exist in the workplace. I’ve experienced this first hand and it’s unfortunate it was by another woman.

I let it go on for far to long because I believed that at the end of the day my kindness would defeat her coldness. But that never happened and I finally spoke up for myself and basically asked for her to be removed or I was going to quit.

She was removed. And in the end it turned out that the reason she acted so vicious towards me wasn’t even work related. She had a crush on a male co-worker she felt I was a little to close to.

Whatever the situation, don’t be afraid to speak up but always stay calm and be respectful. A lot of times other’s aren’t aware of how their behavior is affecting you.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com