Tag: Cheating

One +One=Three

One +One=Three

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

A Man Has Two Women. He Lies To One, The Other One He Is Completely Honest With. Which One Does He Love? The answer is simple. Neither.

The same can be said for women. Nothing is more sillier to me (IMO) than a woman that 1. thinks her husband loves her more because he comes home every night after a hard day of cheating or 2. the woman that thinks he loves her more because he chooses to break his vows to be with her. There are zero winners here. Not even the man.

I’ve had the unfortunate luck of being one of these women. Can you guess which one? If you said the (for lack of a better word) side piece you are correct. It’s not something I am proud of, but it also wasn’t the worst demoralizing moments of my life. I was a grownup and made a grown up decision to enter that type of relationship willing. I’m neither proud nor ashamed.

I can tell you, I’ve had many panic attacks when my phone would ring during odd hours of the night from a private caller wondering if it would be his wife calling to give me a piece of her mind. It never was. As a good side piece, I never lost my place or stepped out of my lane. I knew my place was in the bed of a sometimes quaint hotel and nothing more existed outside of those walls. Also, I wasn’t foolish enough to think if his marriage imploded because me that he would suddenly realize that I was the one he should have chosen from the beginning. My life is not a Rom-Com.

So I thought about what dumb thing I would say if she ever did call me, and yeah they would all be pretty dumb. Hurtful actually, because that was my mindset at the time. I did my best to hide in the shadows, if he was carless it was because he wanted to be caught. And that is your argument with him.

These are imaginary conversations to me, but I’m sure women and men all over the world are having them right now. So here goes, please keep in mind these have no basis on my current life.

The Wife

So this is the woman that my husband can’t seem to stay from. Aren’t you tired of being lonely? Yes, he might steal moments away from his family to play with you but that’s exactly what you are, a toy. He will never give you any real significant time, not on the days that count, like holidays. Those days are reserved for the people he loves, his family.

Do you enjoy stalking my social media? I keep just enough of it public for you, to remind you of your place. I’m the one he’s building a future with, the one he goes on vacation with, the one he goes to sleep beside and the first person he sees in the morning.

What do you have? Text messages of broken promises and probably pictures you can never share. I know he’s probably dumb enough to take pictures with you to give you a false sense of security and I’m sure he has threatened you that if you expose them it’s over. Please. Post them. And he will be all yours. Give me my freedom.

The Other woman

If you’re so smart, then why are you still with him. He obviously doesn’t love you since he still comes to me. He tells me all about you. You don’t cook, you don’t clean and it goes with out saying, you suck in bed. All those things he likes in bed…yeah I do them. Does he love me? No. But he doesn’t love you either. Stolen moments? Yeah they are, but at least when he’s with me, I know he isn’t with you. He doesn’t take your calls or answer your messages and feeds you lame stories that you buy.

I might not get to go away on fancy vacations or spend holiday’s with him but he tells me that he wishes it was me that was with him and that’s enough for me. I’m not so dumb to believe that if I were in your shoes he would be different. I’d rather be in my place, his side bitch the one he comes to when he needs to talk without being criticized, the one he comes to when the stress of his life with YOU becomes to much for him to bear.

When he’s not with me, I know he’s with you. When he’s not with you, he could be with anyone else and that must keep you up at night. Now you tell me which position is worse? I’d rather be me and continue to have a life than be you, a woman that settled because you think he will change. He won’t. If its not me, there will always be someone else.

The Truth

This man loves neither woman, I don’t think he even has the capacity to love himself. The reality is men and women cheat because they can. They will use every excuse under the sun to justify it but you can be the perfect spouse and still get cheated on. It takes a certain level of maturity and honesty to be in a relationship which some people have not yet reached.

Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. If your wife hasn’t cooked, maybe find out why and instead of cheating help them with the reasons. If your husband doesn’t seem to be paying attention to you, ask him if he’s okay and help him solve the issues that are weighing him down.

I’ve learned my lesson when it comes to cheating. I was honest with my ex-husband when I told him I no longer wanted to be with him, but the years leading up to it is where the real communication should have began. I should have told him what made me unhappy and when I was sad and why. But I chose to reman silent until there was no other option.

Do I regret it? No. But do I regret the extra years wasted hoping everything would turn around like magic. But there is nothing magical about marriage, it’s hard work, commitment, honesty, faithfulness understanding and most importantly respect. Without mutual respect for each other you have nothing except two people playing house just waiting for the next best thing to come along.

Be good to one another. Be faithful . And if you find you can be neither, be honest and let them go.

Am I worried my husband will cheat? Of course I am, not because I’m not a good woman, not because he is a bad man. Sometimes Karma comes wrapped in everything you ever wanted in a person to teach you a lesson. And sometimes Karma is the prison you created from your past.

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

In order for relationships to work, it takes more than two willing people in love, it takes two willing people in love to put in the hard work it requires. It takes being able to stand by each other through he good as well as the bad.

Honesty: Always be honest with each other. Even if it hurts. Now I’m not saying to just go about doing shitty things to each other, just because you will come clean about it. No, I’m talking about things like if you have been unfaithful explain to the best of your ability why, if you your feelings have changed, then why, If they do something that hurts you, why. But don’t only be honest about the bad things, be honest about everything. The things that make you happy, sad, uncomfortable. The things you feel need to work on, on yourself and or the relationship.

Trust: Trust is essential but can be hard especially if after being honest about infidelity but it is really the only way that the relationship can be salvaged after something like that. Trust can also be hard if you keep dwelling on the past and making your current partner pay for past relationship mistakes. I know I’m guilty of this. I sometimes make my husband pay for things or behaviors that my ex’es may have done or put me through and he the same with me. Also I feel like (well at least for me) that karma is coming for me big time through him. I wasn’t always a good woman and I am afraid that my relationship will fail because I did have a blatant disregard for other’s relationships. But once again if trust is an issue, be honest with your partner as to why.

Communication: Communication is always the key. Now I want everyone to keep in mind, something I’m also learning myself, is that although you may communicate how you feel it may not always render the results you were seeking. For example, it makes me unhappy when my husband does certain things and he knows this. I’ve communicated it to him several times. He in turn communicates to me his reasoning. I get it, it still makes me unhappy but I know that I at least communicated to him my feelings instead of letting it fester inside my brain/heart.

Compromise: In a relationship there is definitely A LOT of compromising going on. I don’t mean it in a bad way. Sometimes it’s over what to eat or what movie to see. It’s sometimes about choosing your battles.

Forgiveness: There is definitely A LOT of forgiveness as well. It’s true, we sometimes hurt the one’s we love. It shouldn’t be that way, but it’s what winds up happening, even if it’s unintentional. H and I have been through some things we have forgiven each other for. Forgiveness is not always a given, it’s a personal decision but it can be a lot to take on. It’s trusting that the other person won’t do it again. It’s placing yourself in a position to be vulnerable. Its also a personal decision only you can decide if you can live with it. Sometimes the only person you need to forgive is yourself.

Relationships take work, unfortunately not everyone is willing to put in the effort. I for one plan to put everything I have into this. Not because I’m afraid of another failed marriage but because I see something in him worth fighting for. I hope he sees the same in me.

What are some of the important things in your relationship? Please feel free to share below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

When does a relationship become exclusive?

When does a relationship become exclusive?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

When does a relationship become exclusive?

I’d say; when you begin having unprotected sex, but I think it actually begins before this.

Some think exclusivity should begin during the talking phase but let’s face it, I don’t think that’s a realistic expectation, at least not in this day and age. Years ago it was a lot harder to talk to more than one person at a time (I’ll be damned if I try calling you for over an hour and get a continuous busy signal) and forget about photographic evidence, screenshots will have you dead in the water before you can even even bat an eye.

So somewhere after the talking phase but before the let’s lose the condoms stage something starts to happen, where you begin to think “hey, I really like this person and would like to see them more”. And that’s when exclusivity comes into play. I believe your head and your heart make the decision way before your other parts.

Once that happens it’s time to have “the talk”, you know the “what are we?” talk. It’s better to have the talk then to just assume the other person is on the same page as you…let alone reading the same book. But when is it to soon for that?

Again this is debatable in my opinion. I think most relationships (at least for me) have fallen into the exclusive category around the 3 month mark, some even sooner. In fact, I don’t really recall how H and I became exclusive…I think it was more like an unspoken understanding between us. Thank goodness we were both reading the same book. But I’m pretty sure it was around the 3 month mark.

It really is different for everyone because we all develop feelings at different rates and might have other situations we were involved in that might need sorting before we can move on. But I can safely say that I believe a good measure is when you begin to ditch the condoms/birth control.

I don’t think anything screams as loud as I WANNA ONLY BE WITH YOU as loudly as sharing bodily fluids and possibly creating a baby.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you attend your holiday office party without your SO?

Should you attend your holiday office party without your SO?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Should you attend your holiday office party without your SO?

Is there a reason you’re excluding them? Understandably to keep cost down, some companies might not allow you to bring your SO. In this case to be respectful to H, I would make a quick run through, make sure all of the important people have seen me and then make my exit. Unless of course he is working or other wise busy, then I would stay longer. Point being, I would never want him to feel excluded. Would he do the same for me? Not really sure, but I would hope so.

I’ve been to many an office party and while I feel they are great fun and good for team camaraderie, anytime you add alcohol to the mix it can be a dangerous and thin line. Yes, I always drink too much but have always behaved myself. The same cannot be said of others.

In 2012, my company held a large Holiday party at our headquarters. The entire staff from every site was invited and although I hung out mostly with my team it was also supposed to be a great networking event. Well the alcohol was flowing and one of my former coworkers became a little handsy (we’ll call him R) and one of my other former coworkers (we’ll call him F) became really concerned.

So much that he accompanied me home on the train even though I was going in the opposite direction he was. All because R was going the same way and he wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to try anything further. R didn’t show up to work the next day and when he did return he apologized.

I’ve also witnessed firsthand some of the behavior that takes place at these parties. According to Emotional Affair Journey it’s like a “hot bed for infidelity”, I asked one of my former coworkers if she was bringing her husband to the company party, her response…”Would you bring sand to the beach?” I’m guessing that means no? lol. I’m not trying to be a Grinch and steal your holiday fun, if you’re single, do you! Although I wouldn’t advise shitting where you eat! Been there done that. Not as fun as everyone thinks, unless you like awkward situations.

Don’t get me wrong, not every party ends in drunken debauchery if you do wind up going alone just ask yourself is this how I want ____ to behave? If you decide to stay home here is two fun options to liven up your evening:

  1. If you have never watched “The Office” what are you waiting for??? Start watching! If you have, catch up on all of the Christmas episodes by using this handy guide from People and Mindy Aka Kelly Kapoor.
  2. Get a Santa hat and put it on the corner of the T.V.. Every time someone appears to be wearing it…take a shot of your favorite alcohol.

Snuggling and stuff with your love is also another great way to spend the evening. Holiday parties are fun, but there is nothing like spending time with the one you love…Corny, maybe. But I’m still in the honeymoon phase sooo Sssshhh.

Whatever you do make sure your safe. Please drink responsibly and DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE!

Also I think it’s extremely important to add when I say drink responsibly I’m also talking about being mindful of your actions. Alcohol aka liquid courage might help you get up the nerve to speak to someone you normally wouldn’t or say things more aggressively and make the other person uncomfortable. So maybe save the flirting for the watercolor and not the office party.

If you’re on the receiving end of unwanted advances I know it can be easy to want to chalk it up to the other person just being drunk and not really meaning anything by it. If it makes you uncomfortable say something. Alcohol should not be an excuse for bad behavior.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

When is it okay to cheat?

When is it okay to cheat?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

When is it okay to cheat?

Bronx, New York

How is this even a question? but okay…

NEVER! Cheating is a selfish act and I say this as person who has been on both sides of this. No relationship is perfect, it takes a lot of work from both sides and if you aren’t willing to put in the work then you have should not be in a relationship in the first place.

There are many excuses for cheating, yes excuses. IMO there is no real good reason to do so. If you can think of one please feel free to comment below. But since this is the topic for the day lets go over some of the excuses that are commonly used.

**Please note: I use YOU as a pronoun and is not directed to a specific person, place or entity unless otherwise noted.

He/she hasn’t had sex with me in x amount of time, they never touch me anymore or make me feel loved, desired or sexy so I’m just going to get it from someone else. Have you taken the time to ask your partner if everything is okay? How are they feeling? It may be their health, physical or mental. Some times it could be something that your partner is dealing with internally and it is being projected on to you and the relationship. They may be dealing with some heavy stuff and don’t want to burden you with the details until they have all the information and it trickled it’s way into the romance.

Is this distance a new thing or have they always been this way? If this a behavior they have always displayed, talk to them. They may have suffered trauma from a previous relationship and feel like they are unable or worthy of showing love. If this is something new it might be more like the above mentioned. Either way COMMUNICATE with your SO before making a life changing decision like cheating.

He/she accuses me of doing it anyway, so might as well. Ahhh my all time favorite excuse. This is what ex-husband number 1 tried to use as his reasoning for cheating. Why did I accuse him of cheating? Let me count the ways; 1. I think the major reason was that he was inexperienced with women, I always felt he would wind up needing to “Sow his wild oats” and live a little before truly being able to settle down with one woman. 2. He was never home, barely held a job, we had a brand new baby and all he wanted to do was be in the park. Not that big a deal some might say, but that is where he met the girl he cheated with…so maybe a big deal after all?

Now I know I spent some time “accusing” H of cheating and he has accused me as well in not so many words and we have both done some questionable things or allowed outside forces to put doubts in our minds against each other and it sucks. It caused us to lose precious amounts of time together and it all could have ended really badly. Thankfully we were able to communicate with each other our fears/doubts. Communicate. Something that Tee and I we’re unable to do so many moons ago. So accusations it is, but he said I made him do it…I didn’t know I was that powerful.

If you don’t do (a certain sex act, make me food or anything I say) I’m just going to find someone who will! I’m pretty sure during the dating process you find out the other person’s likes and dislikes and their sexual sexcapades they are willing to participate in. If you like oral sex now is a good time to learn if the other person does not like giving it? If they don’t is that a deal breaker for you? If yes, do not pass go! Do they like to cook, can they cook, are they willing to learn your favorite meals? IMO dating is the audition for the role you want to play for life (marriage) and this is usually where we are all on our best behavior showing off and showing out. If they aren’t doing for you the things you require during the dating process what makes you believe they will change down the road? So no this is not a reason to cheat. You knew better. Just keep it casual.

Now I know there are some people with the belief; why should I shower her with gifts, cook him food, treat them like a King/Queen if we are only dating? Like I said it’s an audition for a bigger role. But if you don’t see yourself in their future, then by all means keep it casual and all the other things are unnecessary. I like doing these things for H, all of them. I don’t feel enslaved I actually feel empowered, like hey I got this cool magic trick I can do (cook & stuff) cheat and poof🌫 it’s gone, I go and so does my fried rice lol.

There are two things I have always told him (1). The best and only revenge I can take when we have our petty fights is not cheating on him or unblocking my ex’es…it’s revoking his access to me, even for just a little while. What does that mean? Changing his name in my phone to his full government and disabling certain apps. No need to cheat, just delete (temporarily) (2). Create an environment in which I never want to leave and I won’t and vice versa, which is also why I treat him like a king.

On the real though; in all reality I know you can be everything the other person ever dreamed of, cook their favorite foods and do back flips on their🍆, and they will still find some reason to cheat on you.What keeps a person from cheating is themselves. They and only they can decide if losing you is worth the risk of a few moments of pleasure.

I’m unhappy in my marriage and not getting any attention at home and need some excitement in my life. Never stop dating your spouse. Love notes, romantic walks, dinner dates etc should not end when that ring slips on your finger. I like to call it a tiny handcuff lol, but it most certainly isn’t a death sentence. I know firsthand after many years of marriage it can become mundane, you two might grow up and apart, I think that’s just a normal cycle of life and if that happens then it’s best to just be honest with the other person. No need to cheat. You might be surprised they don’t feel the same way about you either and maybe you two can find a way to salvage what is left of the relationship. But even if you don’t at least you were honest and can have a clean conscience in knowing you did the right thing.

He/She cheated, so I’m going to cheat back.This doesn’t work. Now you have two people “cheating” on each other and zero communication. If the other person cheated, that’s on them and you should never feel like you need to stoop to their level. Take some time apart and heal. You may decide you want to forgive them, but can you really forgive him/her for cheating? I know I couldn’t.

Withholding Sex. This is another popular excuse.Do you own hands? Have a pack of batteries and a B.O.B (battery operated boyfriend). Then why are you cheating? Is there a reason your SO is withholding sex? Ask, communicate with them. Why are they withholding sex? I have never understood this concept, I would feel like I’m punishing myself as well. I have never withheld sex, I think it’s actually a great weapon to get what I want.

I’ve been cheated on, and let me tell you it hurts. Not only mentally and emotionally but physically as well. You feel like you are dying and after you mourn the person you were, you mourn the person you thought you were with questioning everything about yourself. Why wasn’t I good enough? What did I do wrong? Will anyone ever truly love me? The thing you need to always remember is that it wasn’t you that did anything wrong, but their selfishness and that is something they will need to live with.

I’ve also been the co-conspircheater to several married men. No, this is not something I’m proud of, nor am I totally ashamed. It was an experience in my life, one which I won’t repeat. They knew they were married or in serious relationships, yeah so did I but I always felt the greater burden of guilt should fall on them. Now I understand we were equally culpable and that makes me fear that Karma lady that everyone keeps talking about.

There are so many more excuses that I didn’t get the chance to cover but please feel free to ask me to cover more specific excuses if you’d like.

So my best advice…It is never okay to cheat. But I would really love to hear some of the justifications for cheating if you have any.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you look through your partner’s phone?

Should you look through your partner’s phone?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Should you look through your partner’s phone?

Absolutely NOT, because if you look, there is a good chance you will find something. No matter how minute (mi-noot) it may be it will seem much larger than it is.

The very fact that you feel the need to look should be addressed. Is it something you feel or something they have said or done that makes you feel the need to do this?

I’ll admit it, I’m a snoop and I will justify it with my insecurities. Yes, I have moments and days where I am extremely insecure or my anxiety kicks in. And yes, I have snooped through my fiance’s phone and scoured the phone bill and have come up loaded every time. And what did I get besides breaking my own heart…reasonable explanations.

He’s looked through mine too and boy oh boy did he find something. Albeit, it was 4 years old but way, way, way worse than anything I have found, so are we even yet? I’m pretty sure he broke his own heart too, and since then we have both learned not to snoop (at least I hope we have).

I’d like to say we have both learned it’s better to just ask each other about what ever it may be we’re feeling that drives us to snoop and I believe for the most part we do. And it is better to ask:

“Why is your phone always on DND?”

“Why is your phone always faced down?”

“Why is so&so calling you at 6 am?”

“Who is_____?”

“Why do you have old pictures/videos?”

The list is endless (please feel free to add your own) but it all comes down to trust. Which we are working on. My phone is still locked but he has the pass-code, because I truly have nothing to hide that I’m aware of.

What I mean by that is, what he found on my phone was an old video. Quite honestly, I completely forgot it was even there. So since that day, I have started to go through my camera roll and have found a few things that should have been deleted years ago.

I’m working on it, I have over 50,000 photos & videos (mostly selfies and memes) so it’s a lot of content to get through. But one day my phone will be free from it’s past.

Do I have his pass-code? No, well not technically. He say’s it’s his sons birthday but I tried every variation I could think of and nada. Maybe it’s best that way, I much rather enjoy the scenarios I make up in my head.

I did read an article on when it is appropriate to look through your partner’s phone and experts say it’s only appropriate “when it’s part of being totally transparent after they have cheated. “The only time it makes sense to look at each other’s phones is to get over cheating when complete transparency is the purpose,”. That seems fair to me. But what also seems fair is don’t look through mine unless I can look through yours🤷🏻‍♀️.

But back to the root of it all, if looking through your partners phone is something that consumes you, it’s best to take a better look at your relationship instead of looking through their phone.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Are emotional affairs worse than physical affairs?

Are emotional affairs worse than physical affairs?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Are emotional affairs worse than physical affairs?

Anytime your partner shares something that is intimate between you and them (whether it’s body parts or hopes and dreams) it hurts like F’ (my Fiance says I curse too much).

That being said, I think a physical relationship hurts waaay more, I mean it’s sex! You are naked, sharing all your nakedness and bumping fuzzy’s with someone who is not your partner/spouse etc.

But I can certainly understand how an emotional affair can be devastating. There are things that should just be shared between you and your partner. If you’re mad at me talk to me about it! If you don’t like something I’ve done, talk to me about it! If you have a dream or an aspiration you want to achieve, talk to me about it! How can we get through this if you are talking to someone else about the things that you wish would change or occur in our relationship?

I know it’s easy to vent to our friends as a sounding board before we talk to our S/O. Some times the advice is really good and sound, sometimes it’s just their opinion but either way, when it’s coming from your BFF/friend it’s usually coming from a place of love with nothing but the best intentions for you and your S/O.

However, where it can become tricky and there is a very thin line is when you start speaking to someone of the opposite sex or it can even be the same sex, about issues within your relationship. It’s allowing someone else into your relationship.

It’s possible that one or both of you may begin to develop feelings and become sexually attracted to one another. It’s practically handing them the road map to your heart and genitals. Giving someone access to what makes you tick and your hearts desire can send them the wrong message and IMO is a recipe for disaster.

For example; you’ve been talking to a co-worker or a random person that you strike up a conversation with at a bar or in some cases it might even be an ex. You divulge to them some things that are making you unhappy in your current relationship i.e, they no longer find you attractive or desirable, it may have been a long time since they have touched you sexually, or you think they are being unfaithful and it hurts you. You’re hurting and you need someone to tell.

These are the types of cracks in a relationship that just keep getting bigger. You are basically opening the door for someone to come in and do all the things that your S/O stopped doing. She stopped cooking your favorite meal, so now that pretty little secretary just happened to make to much and brought some extra to work to share with you. He stopped sending you cute little texts and making you feel special, so now that ex you thought you were only friends with thinks it’s okay to send you messages.

Nah, talk to your S/O! Find out why they stopped making your favorite meal, maybe it’s a cost issue or it’s time consuming and they are just having a hard time with work and are exhausted at the end of the day. Ask “why don’t you send me cute little messages anymore” maybe it has more to do with a reflection of themselves than it does with how they feel about you. They may be feeling down on them selves and not sure how to express it.

Give your S/O a fighting chance, it’s unfair not to. Bringing a third wheel into the relationship isn’t a healthy option, not unless it’s a paid professional. But if you must find yourself “venting” to someone that can possibly have an ulterior motive, ask yourself why and is this something you would like your S/O other to be doing?

I’m a betting woman and I’m pretty sure the answer is NO! and I’m also willing to bet (although I wasn’t able to find any hard statistics) that almost 99% of affairs begin as emotional cheating (the 1% is just uncontrollable horny bastards).

So it seems I have gone off on a tangent. Cheating is bad whether it is physical or emotional. But after some further review, research and listening to different perspectives emotional cheating is just about the same on the Jai scale. While I would be devastated if my fiance had sex with someone else it would hurt me just as much as if he was sharing his hopes and dreams and his annoyance at how loud I snore with another woman.

Here is some useful information I found on the subject:

How is an emotional affair different from a friendship?

Are you having an emotional affair?

12 Warning signs that it’s emotional infidelity and not “just friendship”.

7 Reasons why emotional cheating might feel worse than physical cheating.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Do you consider flirting cheating?

Do you consider flirting cheating?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Do you consider flirting cheating?

Such a tricky little word. No, if we are going with the Merriam-Webster definition, but this is life and definitions take on a whole new meaning. Let me explain.

According to Merriam Webster, the word Flirt means: to behave amorously without serious intent. Now, I’m pretty sure we have all done it, to some degree at one point in our lives.

You know, the innocent batting of the eye lashes to get a large french fries instead of the small you ordered, or the coy wink for an extra spray of whip cream on your caramel frappe. We both know that this little exchange is not going beyond this little exchange (I’m sorry if you weren’t aware that it wasn’t going further) but I just wanted the fries.

Sometimes kindness can be mistaken for flirting, which creates for awkward situations. Just because I like your tie doesn’t mean I like you! It just means I like your taste in tie’s. Or if a man respectfully compliments a woman’s appearance it doesn’t automatically mean he wants to get you into bed.

But flirting usually isn’t used in the context by Merriam’s definition. I think we forget that flirting can be hurtful, especially if you are doing so with the intent of taking it further and in that case it is no longer flirting but has become a gateway to fucking.

If your’re single then by all means, flirt away! But if you aren’t then you are treading a very thin line between flirt and fuck, and should probably reevaluate your relationship and why you feel the need to flirt.

I get it, everyone wants to have their cake and eat it too. Just make sure everyone is ordering off of the same menu.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Would you tell a friend if you knew their significant other was cheating?

Would you tell a friend if you knew their significant other was cheating?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Would you tell a friend if you knew their significant other was cheating?

I think this is one of the hardest things you might ever have to do in a friendship. I would never want to be the cause of someone’s pain, even though said cheater is the actual cause, I’d still feel some sense of responsibility. So No I probably would not tell my friend, not right away at least.

But let me explain; I would definitely confront the cheater! That’s for damn sure! I would also definitely issue an ultimatum. He/she tells or I will! And I’m really hoping she/he does, because I really don’t want to be the one that has to.

Here’s why: It can become a case of he said she said, so now I have to make sure I take pictures or video to back up what I saw, which I think will further hurt my friend. Pictures and videos live in your memory far longer than something that you just imagine.

Also, there may be some chance however slim, that the friend already knows. Maybe they flat out know and are okay with it or maybe they suspect and are finding a way to cope with it. Either way it may cause some embarrassment.

I do know that it doesn’t turn out well for anyone. Instead of asking myself what would Jai do in this situation, I asked what would Jai want done? And for me I would want to know. Just tell me, it’s going to hurt like FUCK, but I want to know. So then I can decide how to kill him! (Just kidding).

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thought and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Could you forgive your partner if they cheated on you?

Could you forgive your partner if they cheated on you?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Could you forgive your partner if they cheated on you?

J.J. Bronx, NY

I think it can be done…I’ve seen my friends forgive their partners for cheating so I know it can be done.

Unfortunately I don’t think this is a level of maturity that I will ever be able to reach. I would turn it into a game of tit for tat and what kind of relationship would that be?? Not a very healthy one.

My first husband cheated on me. I cheated on my second. It wasn’t fun on either side of the fence.

I was young, newly married with a little baby when he did. I was completely devastated when I found out. His excuse? I constantly accused him anyway so might as well just do it. LAME. But I survived and bounced back fairly quickly. But there was no reconciliation. WE WERE DONE!

With my second husband, it was me who cheated. I became so unhappy and was unable to vocalize that and well….I betrayed him. This was before I was able to open up about my feelings like I do now. But there was nothing to be saved with that marriage. It was well past it’s expiration date.

Forgiving a partner after that type of betrayal is tough. I mean, every time they don’t answer the phone or take longer than usual to run an errand. That kind of stress and aggravation is not something I think I could handle. I can barely handle the suspicious suspicions I occasionally get when he starts acting weird….could you imagine actual concrete, undeniable confessional proof?

It’s not something I think I could personally do.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thought and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com