Tag: Communication

One +One=Three

One +One=Three

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

A Man Has Two Women. He Lies To One, The Other One He Is Completely Honest With. Which One Does He Love? The answer is simple. Neither.

The same can be said for women. Nothing is more sillier to me (IMO) than a woman that 1. thinks her husband loves her more because he comes home every night after a hard day of cheating or 2. the woman that thinks he loves her more because he chooses to break his vows to be with her. There are zero winners here. Not even the man.

I’ve had the unfortunate luck of being one of these women. Can you guess which one? If you said the (for lack of a better word) side piece you are correct. It’s not something I am proud of, but it also wasn’t the worst demoralizing moments of my life. I was a grownup and made a grown up decision to enter that type of relationship willing. I’m neither proud nor ashamed.

I can tell you, I’ve had many panic attacks when my phone would ring during odd hours of the night from a private caller wondering if it would be his wife calling to give me a piece of her mind. It never was. As a good side piece, I never lost my place or stepped out of my lane. I knew my place was in the bed of a sometimes quaint hotel and nothing more existed outside of those walls. Also, I wasn’t foolish enough to think if his marriage imploded because me that he would suddenly realize that I was the one he should have chosen from the beginning. My life is not a Rom-Com.

So I thought about what dumb thing I would say if she ever did call me, and yeah they would all be pretty dumb. Hurtful actually, because that was my mindset at the time. I did my best to hide in the shadows, if he was carless it was because he wanted to be caught. And that is your argument with him.

These are imaginary conversations to me, but I’m sure women and men all over the world are having them right now. So here goes, please keep in mind these have no basis on my current life.

The Wife

So this is the woman that my husband can’t seem to stay from. Aren’t you tired of being lonely? Yes, he might steal moments away from his family to play with you but that’s exactly what you are, a toy. He will never give you any real significant time, not on the days that count, like holidays. Those days are reserved for the people he loves, his family.

Do you enjoy stalking my social media? I keep just enough of it public for you, to remind you of your place. I’m the one he’s building a future with, the one he goes on vacation with, the one he goes to sleep beside and the first person he sees in the morning.

What do you have? Text messages of broken promises and probably pictures you can never share. I know he’s probably dumb enough to take pictures with you to give you a false sense of security and I’m sure he has threatened you that if you expose them it’s over. Please. Post them. And he will be all yours. Give me my freedom.

The Other woman

If you’re so smart, then why are you still with him. He obviously doesn’t love you since he still comes to me. He tells me all about you. You don’t cook, you don’t clean and it goes with out saying, you suck in bed. All those things he likes in bed…yeah I do them. Does he love me? No. But he doesn’t love you either. Stolen moments? Yeah they are, but at least when he’s with me, I know he isn’t with you. He doesn’t take your calls or answer your messages and feeds you lame stories that you buy.

I might not get to go away on fancy vacations or spend holiday’s with him but he tells me that he wishes it was me that was with him and that’s enough for me. I’m not so dumb to believe that if I were in your shoes he would be different. I’d rather be in my place, his side bitch the one he comes to when he needs to talk without being criticized, the one he comes to when the stress of his life with YOU becomes to much for him to bear.

When he’s not with me, I know he’s with you. When he’s not with you, he could be with anyone else and that must keep you up at night. Now you tell me which position is worse? I’d rather be me and continue to have a life than be you, a woman that settled because you think he will change. He won’t. If its not me, there will always be someone else.

The Truth

This man loves neither woman, I don’t think he even has the capacity to love himself. The reality is men and women cheat because they can. They will use every excuse under the sun to justify it but you can be the perfect spouse and still get cheated on. It takes a certain level of maturity and honesty to be in a relationship which some people have not yet reached.

Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. If your wife hasn’t cooked, maybe find out why and instead of cheating help them with the reasons. If your husband doesn’t seem to be paying attention to you, ask him if he’s okay and help him solve the issues that are weighing him down.

I’ve learned my lesson when it comes to cheating. I was honest with my ex-husband when I told him I no longer wanted to be with him, but the years leading up to it is where the real communication should have began. I should have told him what made me unhappy and when I was sad and why. But I chose to reman silent until there was no other option.

Do I regret it? No. But do I regret the extra years wasted hoping everything would turn around like magic. But there is nothing magical about marriage, it’s hard work, commitment, honesty, faithfulness understanding and most importantly respect. Without mutual respect for each other you have nothing except two people playing house just waiting for the next best thing to come along.

Be good to one another. Be faithful . And if you find you can be neither, be honest and let them go.

Am I worried my husband will cheat? Of course I am, not because I’m not a good woman, not because he is a bad man. Sometimes Karma comes wrapped in everything you ever wanted in a person to teach you a lesson. And sometimes Karma is the prison you created from your past.

What would mom do?

What would mom do?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Everyday I lay in the same spot you did wondering how many days and nights you stared up at the ceiling or out the window wishing your mother was here to guide you. I wish you were here.

I’m an emotional mess these days, but I don’t have to tell you that, you can see everything. I know you see periods of me forgetting to eat or softening my pain with alcohol. Taking sleeping pills that don’t work to fall into a sleep that never comes. Sleep I so desperately need to fill the gaps of loneliness and uncertainty that never seemed to close.

If you knew everything that you knew when you died…would you still have done it all the exact same way? I believe I would but with exceptions, I would not have stayed in such terrible relationships for as long as I did, accepting so little of what I deserved. Maybe I would have found love sooner and not have wasted what was the last of my precious childbearing years.

School, I would have definitely finished school and gotten my degree in social work. I probably still would not be living in a penthouse but I may be in a more comfortable financial situation than I am now. BTW, do you remember why I told you I wanted to live in a penthouse? It was because dad is afraid of heights and I could hide from him there. Look at me now.

I don’t mean to sound sad, but I am. My life is different now and I’m not sure I have the strength for anymore change. Losing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through and nothing, not any relationship, friendship nor any job on earth will top the the loss of my mother, not a one. And just because it is natural order, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

Actually, the loss of one of my children would be worse and that is something I hope I never have to live through fore I would cut out my own beating heart just to give it to them.

How did you do it? Daily life, juggling everything that was important to you and everything that your family needed? Did you ever have a hard time asking for the things you needed? Did you ever want to run away? I did…I have and it was the hardest decision I made in my relationship with H.

I didn’t even really mean to run away, it all happened so fast that it actually felt like it was a dream, swiftly yet I moved in slow motion as my heart raced, wondering if I made the right decision. Was it worth it? I dunno, a lot could have transpired over the 48 hours we were apart and although I did not get the result I had hoped for I did get sometime to do some soul searching.

I felt brave and strong and yes scared. But there was an unbelievable calmness that came over me as I examined my life from all angles.

No couple is perfect, we’re no exception. I’m trying to find my voice and speak up for what I want before it becomes what I wanted. The problem with speaking up is what happens if I don’t receive the answers I hoped for?

I’m trying to not let my anxiety dictate my fears over facts but I feel like I’m losing my grasp. I’m incredibly broken right now.

Do I believe we’re soulmates? Yes, but somewhere along the way we got disconnected from each other. Can we get back to the place we once were? I’m hopeful.

The problem with relationships is that if you speak with your family and friends they form well meaning intentions and ill feelings towards your SO. Once the dust settles and you decide to work things out they seem to be less forgiving. So I’m suffering in silence.

I’ve been relying a lot on prayers and readings these days and I’m thisshy from seeking professional help. So please my dear sweet mother, who had a heart of gold and was the Queen of forgiveness, the woman who saw the goodness in everyone…what would you do?

*If any of my friends or family are reading this, we’re okay. Just trying to figure some things out and get back to the place we once were.

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

In order for relationships to work, it takes more than two willing people in love, it takes two willing people in love to put in the hard work it requires. It takes being able to stand by each other through he good as well as the bad.

Honesty: Always be honest with each other. Even if it hurts. Now I’m not saying to just go about doing shitty things to each other, just because you will come clean about it. No, I’m talking about things like if you have been unfaithful explain to the best of your ability why, if you your feelings have changed, then why, If they do something that hurts you, why. But don’t only be honest about the bad things, be honest about everything. The things that make you happy, sad, uncomfortable. The things you feel need to work on, on yourself and or the relationship.

Trust: Trust is essential but can be hard especially if after being honest about infidelity but it is really the only way that the relationship can be salvaged after something like that. Trust can also be hard if you keep dwelling on the past and making your current partner pay for past relationship mistakes. I know I’m guilty of this. I sometimes make my husband pay for things or behaviors that my ex’es may have done or put me through and he the same with me. Also I feel like (well at least for me) that karma is coming for me big time through him. I wasn’t always a good woman and I am afraid that my relationship will fail because I did have a blatant disregard for other’s relationships. But once again if trust is an issue, be honest with your partner as to why.

Communication: Communication is always the key. Now I want everyone to keep in mind, something I’m also learning myself, is that although you may communicate how you feel it may not always render the results you were seeking. For example, it makes me unhappy when my husband does certain things and he knows this. I’ve communicated it to him several times. He in turn communicates to me his reasoning. I get it, it still makes me unhappy but I know that I at least communicated to him my feelings instead of letting it fester inside my brain/heart.

Compromise: In a relationship there is definitely A LOT of compromising going on. I don’t mean it in a bad way. Sometimes it’s over what to eat or what movie to see. It’s sometimes about choosing your battles.

Forgiveness: There is definitely A LOT of forgiveness as well. It’s true, we sometimes hurt the one’s we love. It shouldn’t be that way, but it’s what winds up happening, even if it’s unintentional. H and I have been through some things we have forgiven each other for. Forgiveness is not always a given, it’s a personal decision but it can be a lot to take on. It’s trusting that the other person won’t do it again. It’s placing yourself in a position to be vulnerable. Its also a personal decision only you can decide if you can live with it. Sometimes the only person you need to forgive is yourself.

Relationships take work, unfortunately not everyone is willing to put in the effort. I for one plan to put everything I have into this. Not because I’m afraid of another failed marriage but because I see something in him worth fighting for. I hope he sees the same in me.

What are some of the important things in your relationship? Please feel free to share below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Rejuvenation

Rejuvenation

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It feels like I blinked and my weekend was…poof… gone! For the most part I spent it just watching t.v. in bed, while my husband worked and enjoyed a boys night. Don’t feel sad for me though, my weekend was not without any fun. I did wind up going to my sister’s house for lunch and wedding planning on Sunday, which usually involves a lot of prosecco and a ton laughs.

It was actually a very productive afternoon, she helped me dye my hair and we caught up on family current events. The one thing we didn’t really get to do was…you guessed it, wedding plan lol. But I suppose I have a few more weeks before I need to make any solid decisions regarding the guest list.

This weekend really got me thinking though about how much I really do miss being social and active outside of the house. Unfortunately this usually always happens during the winter months when I tend to hibernate from the cold weather. But since being in a serious relationship and now a married woman I have unintentionally cut ties with a lot of my girlfriends.

I no longer have a neighborhood bar where I get treated like royalty and everyone knows my name. I no longer have painful feet because I danced til dawn on a Saturday night and I no longer have a let’s get drunk at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon squad, and frankly… I miss it.

I didn’t really realize how much until my husband brought it to my attention. I need something to do while he has guys nights, he’s not 80 years old and still enjoys going to clubs etc…but I’m not 80 years old either. The only difference is that while he has been able to maintain his friendships, I have allowed mine to fall to out of touch. I miss my friends dearly but life has taken me on another path.

Don’t get me wrong, I still wanna vomit in a field (not really) and dance til dawn (definitely) and and go day drinking on a Sunday afternoon (💯definitely), but I also wanna build some dreams, make some money. I wanna hang with the girls planning a book club although we never pick a book or actually meet. I want to hang with women who inspire me to do better and have goals of their own.

The only issue with this is that these women are usually much younger than me. Take for example my work daughters, they are inspiring to the core, young and full of energy and dreams. Unfortunately I think women my age (middle) are content with their lives and just accept it is what it is. But I’m not. I’ve always wanted to do more. I’ve always wanted to do everything.

I think that’s part of the reason I feel the strong desire to go back to school and get my degree in social work (that and the sixty thousand dollars I owe on the degree I don’t yet have) or how I try to convince my husband who is interested in going into politics that we need to involve ourselves in community affairs, hand out turkeys etc. It’s ME, I have to do these things, and in doing these things I hope to meet like minded women.

So over the next few weeks I will be researching local organizations and seeing where my heart is being called to and trying to rekindle some old yet valuable friendships and also taking some time to explore my surroundings. My neighborhood is rich with history as well as culture and I love to learn about everything.

So happy belated woman’s Day and here’s to friendships new and old!

Happy Monday.

One Day Later…

One Day Later…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It’s here, once again and although the weekend was a mostly pleasant one (actually a great one, aside from that nasty chore called laundry) I’m really glad its Monday. Why? Because I couldn’t wait to share an epiphany I had this weekend.

My husband decided to take me out on a “date night❤” and although we seem to spend a lot of time together, whether it’s doing chores or snuggling up to watch t.v. (currently we’re re-watching Nip/Tuck) we haven’t really gone out out very often as a couple, alone.

I was very excited thinking about this all last week, he might think it was because I was getting the chance to redeem myself in a pool re-match (we never got to the pool playing part) I was just excited to go out with my husband and for little while just enjoy each other’s company and not worry about bills or budgets.

I always like to be fair, especially when I can, so I paid for dinner at Applebees (Yes, I consider it a date spot) and he paid for the hookah and drinks at the pool hall. Even though the place was crowded we got a seat and were able to actually have a heart to heart talk.

I know it weighs heavily on him sometimes how my last marriage ended. I guess from the outside I appeared as a bored housewife that decided to have an affair but truth be told, I did try for 10 years to make that marriage work and after many years of my pleas of unhappiness falling on deaf ears, did I decide to step outside my marriage for comfort.

He asked me “what would make me cheat on him”? and although it is the absolute furthest thing on my mind I gave him an honest answer.

Firstly, I think people do things they think they can get away with. Although my first husband cheated on me, I don’t believe he would have put up much of a fight if the shoe was on the other foot. And as far as my second husband goes…he didn’t put up much of a fight or show him any emotion when I told him I no longer wanted to be with him 🤷🏻‍♀️. So I ran with it…

Was it wrong? Absolutely 💯 but I knew I could get away with it. With H, I know that I could not…and why would I want to? Right now, all of my needs are being met as I hope his are.

He does occasionally ask questions about my second marriage like what happened and why..and the truth was, I simply was unhappy. But it wasn’t just one time and bam now I’m done…it was years of being unhappy, constantly having to voice my unhappiness with little to no results. Until one day I decided I was going to make myself happy.

Granted, I’ve never been very good with vocally voicing my emotions it’s either angry or accusatory even when I don’t mean to be and usually a result of holding it i for to long. But I’m really trying with H, because I do love him and really do want him to be my forever.

He knows the one major thing that is currently ruffling my feathers and sends me into a angry tirade. Maybe I’m over-reacting but my feelings are my feelings and sometimes they have no rhyme or reason to them.

So what was my epiphany? I had several, but lets start with: don’t ever stop dating your spouse. It’s really easy to lose sight of the person you sleep next to and take them for granted. Even if it is not within your budget, make sure you spend at least one night a week as a “date night”. Date night does not always have to consist of going out, it can be something as simple as giving each other massages or getting a bottle of your favorite bubbly and watching your favorite movies.

The next epiphany I had is so simple but it isn’t…communicate with your partner. I cannot stress this enough you must communicate with your partner, not just about the things that make you unhappy but the things that make you happy too.

The things I took away from my past marriages is that our partners are not mind readers and must be given the fair chance to fight. I say that communicating is not as simple as it because for me it isn’t. Besides hating having my feelings devalued, I just cannot always find the right words to say.

So the message I hope you take away today is, always make time for each other and communicate how you feel.

Good Vibes Only…

Good Vibes Only…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

So, my anxiety is peaking again…I know why but I also don’t. It’s also sometimes hard to find that thin line between reality and imagination. Like I said being crazy is hard, but what’s even harder is trying to prove to other people you aren’t.

I’m learning to be able to trust my husband when sharing my anxiety, it’s sometimes hard because although he wants me to share my feelings with him I know it sometimes comes out as an accusation. Sometimes it is one and at other times it isn’t. Sometimes it solely about him and at other times it ‘s not. Unfortunately I’m still having trouble after all these years fine deciphering the mess that are my emotions.

Wednesday, I had for lack of a better word a “premonition”. I was on my way to work and we were on the phone. As I was crossing the street, there wasn’t a car in sight but I had felt a large impact on my right side, as if I was just hit by a car. I told him immediately, because the last time it happened my grandmother was hit by a car a few days after.

I experienced a few days of heightened anxiety due to other things, I kept mostly silent on these matters because I wasn’t really sure where they were originating from. I have been feeling sad and depressed and feeling immense grief lately. I can’t tell you why, because I’m not really sure. Our relationship did hit a few bumps over the weekend but nothing more than the usual bumps we experienced in the past.

But as things always do, things became more clear and I noticed somethings and then the voices of un-reason began to chime in and fill my head with thoughts of dishonestly.

It started with a phone call, a blast from my past decided it would make a brief reappearance. The details of the call aren’t even worth noting the most important thing is I told my husband, pretty much as soon as it happened. Well maybe not told, but texted I needed to tell him something and as soon as I got the chance I did.

Needless to say he was not thrilled and it led to a whole other conversation that bred even more anxiety for me, because sometimes when he is being less than honest his eyes tell on him. Well, they were telling on him big time and as hard as I tried to not listen to that little voice in my head the next day I had to just dig a little for some answers.

The first place I always look for answers is Consciousness Evolution Journey YouTube channel. She is scarily always on point and this time was no different. I don’t feel I can be open about the discovery as of yet. I’m still processing it and the events of the weekend. Desperately trying to find a healthy coping mechanism because my past ones are not healthy at all. But don’t worry, it wan’t life shattering, relationship ending information, but definite conversations that needed to be had.

As always, I never know how to convey what it is I want to say vocally ( I should probably just leave him 12 page letters going forward) so I’m sure it came out all wrong, which is why it ensued into a huge and very loud one sided discussion in the park. All I really wanted to say is “when you do certain things it hurts me”.

These discussions never last long and we soon were on our way home. I still felt raw and inconsolable (actually I still do) but always have to have a brave strong face, so know one ever really understands the pain I am feeling. After awhile of being home he was going to work and seeing his friend but I felt like it was more seeing his friend and may be work. But I didn’t say anything, I know I didn’t really have to. My energy changed and he knows it, but it didn’t stop him. But something else did and while I’m unhappy it occurred at all, I’m happy it when down the way it did.

When he got to the car it was damaged. Someone had it it hard, on the right side making it inoperable. I know he’s upset, that’s the way he makes money, but I want him to see the bigger picture. He could have been in that car and we would be having a whole other conversation. I might be burying my husband instead of watching the car getting towed. I may not fully understand my emotions or premonitions, but I am thankful for the way it turned out.

Here are a few things I came away with this weekend:

Always go with your gut feelings, no matter how far fetched they may be. It’s always better to say how you feel, holding it in only hurts yourself. Keep myself focused and keep finding healthy coping mechanisms to get through situations I can’t change.

Monday’s just about over but I hope everyone had a great one. Monday’s can set the precedent for your week but it shouldn’t. If your Monday wasn’t absolutely amazing, go for a Terrific Tuesday.

Have a good night 🌙.

Muesday…

Muesday…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Everyone always asks…WTF is a Muesday? Well, it’s a Monday that’s cleverly disguised itself as a Tuesday. I hate Muesday’s I always feel like I’m a day behind.

But here we are unable to avoid it. I realized I have posted in about a week and besides being inundated with work and life in general, I really have no good excuse. So let’s catch up.

Last week flew by for me. My husband’s birthday plus Valentine’s day ( Yes, he is a V-day baby) was fast approaching and while I had all of the details worked out (his gift, the restaurant, inviting my mother-in-law) I sill had A LOT going on emotionally.

I prepared “Great Heart❤” boxes for our perspective children and tried to find last minute goodies and treats for them and make sure they were all equal (even made one his children’s step sister from a previous relationship). I know he dislikes when I do that, but my heart is not designed to disappoint any child.

Two years ago during V-day week we were going through a very hard and painful time (currently working on a post dedicated that) and the memories although for the most part almost escaped us this year, they of course resurfaced as memories do.But in an effort to create new memories and new beginnings and adventures we didn’t harp to much on it.

Part of the new beginnings was spending time with his mother on V-day/his birthday. It for the most part went off without a hitch. Did I feel nervous? Extremely. She was tolerant of me, I’m guessing because she knew the only way she would get to see him was if I was present. I can admit it now, I was afraid it would wind up being two hours of them talking among themselves and leaving me out of the conversation.

But No, my husband was an absolute angel. He sat next to me and made sure to include me in every conversation. She wasn’t cold to me and she eventually stopped sitting with her arms across her chest in defensive mode. Will we be the best of friends? Probably not, but we both love the same man (obviously very differently) and must learn to co-exist.

Now, onto the big question….did we or didn’t we…go to do that thing??? Yes, we did and I don’t know what I really expected but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be? I hate to mention what it was because I feel like the whole world becomes judgmental if you do something outside of the norm, but here it goes…

It was a swinger’s club. Now, we don’t swing and we don’t swap (not that there is anything wrong with it, it’s just not for me) but I guess for me it was out of curiosity. The best way I could describe it was like, Live Action Porn… a Porn Play…with audience participation. It was like a club, but instead of music videos playing on the T.v.s porn was playing.

No, no one by any means is required to participate, some like us just go for the atmosphere and the curiosity. I have to say aside from biggest fear, which was my husband wanting to put his🍆 in someone else (I would have cut off said🍆) . I thought all the women would look like the flyer. You know, how clubs always find the most beautiful people to advertise their events (which is smart) but it makes regular people like me feel like eh (a sack of potatoes). But this wasn’t the case at all.

There were different people of all shapes and sizes and everyone seemed very relaxed and probably friendly if my guard wasn’t so high. Did the night end well? For the most part, we went, we saw, and will probably return. Is this for everyone? Definitely not.

My message for this Muesday…Don’t be afraid to try new things. Whether it’s your relationship or career etc. It’s better to have lived than to live with regrets of not trying something new. Unless of course you are afraid of heights, so my love, my darling husband, this was my version of skydiving, please make sure you catch me.

Go be great!

How well does your partner understand what you’re feeling?

How well does your partner understand what you’re feeling?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

How well does your partner understand what you’re feeling?

I think he has a pretty good understanding of what I’m feeling, and what he doesn’t understand he is learning as we encounter situations.

He can just look at me and know when something is wrong. Sometimes as hard as I try to hide it, he always just knows. He would probably describe it as pulling teeth in order to get it out of me but sometimes I simply don’t know what it is I’m feeling.

When I can finally vocalize what it is that I’m going through he always seems understanding, at least now he does. Obviously in the beginning, when you are just learning about each others behaviors, habits and quirks he sometimes did become short with me when I was unable to express how I was feeling. Now I think he understands that sometimes there are no words and it will pass.

Now when he asks me what’s wrong and I know what I’m feeling I usually just prattle away about it…when I can. Except for last night, a Facebook video set me off and then came the waterworks. Here’s the video so we can all cry together, it’s about diversity. Just watch it.

So how well does he understand what I’m feeling? I guess just about as much as I do…being crazy is hard.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

How often do you talk on the phone with your partner?

How often do you talk on the phone with your partner?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

How often do you talk on the phone with your partner?

Everyday, several times a day, sometimes for hours.

But there was once a time we hardly ever talked on the phone. I remember one time, early in the relationship I asked if I could call him and his response was…”I’m not in prison”😑. I thought it was really funny, but it was because of my previous relationship experience (to be discussed in another blog) and as it turns out he was in a self created prison (discussed here).

Gradually we talked more and one day it became facetime chats while we watched each other fall asleep. Well usually it was me watching him fall asleep or him listening to me snore😟. He would usually hangup at this point, but I liked to watch him. I never disconnected the call because if he woke up I wanted him to know I was still there for him and always will be.

Now like I mentioned we speak several times a day even though were married. Thinking about it, we actually speak on the phone now more than when we were dating. And I love it. Even though sometimes it can be a bit harrowing when I’m at work trying to handle several things and speak with several people at once including him and he might sneeze for example then demand a God bless you from me and when I don’t say it fast enough I then wind up barking at him and he gets butt hurt. But other than that it’s great😊! No seriously, I mean it. I love it.

Despite what may be popular insinuations, it is not because I don’t trust him. I thoroughly enjoy his company and his conversations. However,I am comforted by the fact though that God forbid anything happened to him that I would be aware of it. As a professional driver (no not a race car driver) he spends all day out on the road making sure his passengers get from point A. to point B. safely. But what about him. In between rides and when he worked late into the night, many a night he has fallen asleep at a red light. How do I know? Facetime.

Maybe I’m a weirdo, but even if we are just sitting on the phone in silence, while he has me on his air pods and he is driving his passengers around I love it. It gives me a sense of security and comfort to be able to spend the time with him when permitted.

Every moment spent whether it is on the phone or in person is a blessing and I plan to cherish every single moment.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Is sex about constantly pushing the boundaries or playing by the rules?

Is sex about constantly pushing the boundaries or playing by the rules?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Is sex about constantly pushing the boundaries or playing by the rules?

Interesting question…both.

There must always be rules and as long as there is a clear understanding between both (or more) partners than go ahead and push those boundaries. Although I don’t think the boundaries need to be constantly pushed, I do think it’s fun to try out new things.

I can’t yet share to much info without speaking to my husband but we are planning on pushing the boundary a little bit. No, it is not a threesome, so honey please don’t get all excited lol. Threesomes are not for me, I’m too immature for that. I wrote a piece about it here if you would like to read about it.

But what I am willing to do is that thing we have been talking about for years. I’m usually game for anything as long as I’m comfortable with it. Like I said, I can’t really share to much about it beforehand but if he’s okay with it I will share the R rated details after.

The point of this piece though is yes to boundaries and rules. I have discussed the rules and conditions of what we will be embarking on and he seems to be okay with what I’m asking for. However, he sometimes does have a comment or remark he makes that makes me rethink the whole situation and yes it does make me uncomfortable.

On one hand I don’t know if he is saying such things so I will be the one to shut it down or if he is really planning on doing the things he says…thus now I have a assault charge (just kidding, no violence).

If your shy about how to approach your partner regarding boundaries just ease into it. For example if there is a particular sex act or position you may want to try you could simply ask or if you’re watching porn say “hey, that looks fun, wanna try”?

I know its easier said than done, but what’s the worse that can happen? Now go push some boundaries but also set some rules. I’m about to go harass my husband into something kinky🙃lol. Totally partially kidding.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com