Tag: Dating

Single and dating during a pandemic

Single and dating during a pandemic

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Single and dating during a pandemic

Being single and dating under even regular normal everyday circumstances can be nerve wracking and frustrating. So I can imagine it is that much more difficult during a pandemic.

Use this time and think positively. If you are currently on a dating app/website, this time of social distancing can be used to actually getting to know the person. No first date pressure at least for a while, just chatting and actual phone conversations.

If things are going well you can have a virtual first date. You can both set up a time you are available and share a meal over facetime or watch a movie or TV show. Social distancing doesn’t have to mean seclusion and being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely.

We can finally get back to real conversations and getting to know each other. I think this is another way we can cut out some of the cat-fishing. I don’t even understand how cat-fishing is a thing nowadays with facetime and video apps. But if you have been a little dishonest about your appearance now is the time you can spruce yourself up a little bit.

But you shouldn’t be dishonest about your appearance or livelihood. The person who you fall in love with should love you for who you really are not who they think you are. I mean do you really want to spend the next pandemic with a-hole? I’d rather tough it out alone.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

In order for relationships to work, it takes more than two willing people in love, it takes two willing people in love to put in the hard work it requires. It takes being able to stand by each other through he good as well as the bad.

Honesty: Always be honest with each other. Even if it hurts. Now I’m not saying to just go about doing shitty things to each other, just because you will come clean about it. No, I’m talking about things like if you have been unfaithful explain to the best of your ability why, if you your feelings have changed, then why, If they do something that hurts you, why. But don’t only be honest about the bad things, be honest about everything. The things that make you happy, sad, uncomfortable. The things you feel need to work on, on yourself and or the relationship.

Trust: Trust is essential but can be hard especially if after being honest about infidelity but it is really the only way that the relationship can be salvaged after something like that. Trust can also be hard if you keep dwelling on the past and making your current partner pay for past relationship mistakes. I know I’m guilty of this. I sometimes make my husband pay for things or behaviors that my ex’es may have done or put me through and he the same with me. Also I feel like (well at least for me) that karma is coming for me big time through him. I wasn’t always a good woman and I am afraid that my relationship will fail because I did have a blatant disregard for other’s relationships. But once again if trust is an issue, be honest with your partner as to why.

Communication: Communication is always the key. Now I want everyone to keep in mind, something I’m also learning myself, is that although you may communicate how you feel it may not always render the results you were seeking. For example, it makes me unhappy when my husband does certain things and he knows this. I’ve communicated it to him several times. He in turn communicates to me his reasoning. I get it, it still makes me unhappy but I know that I at least communicated to him my feelings instead of letting it fester inside my brain/heart.

Compromise: In a relationship there is definitely A LOT of compromising going on. I don’t mean it in a bad way. Sometimes it’s over what to eat or what movie to see. It’s sometimes about choosing your battles.

Forgiveness: There is definitely A LOT of forgiveness as well. It’s true, we sometimes hurt the one’s we love. It shouldn’t be that way, but it’s what winds up happening, even if it’s unintentional. H and I have been through some things we have forgiven each other for. Forgiveness is not always a given, it’s a personal decision but it can be a lot to take on. It’s trusting that the other person won’t do it again. It’s placing yourself in a position to be vulnerable. Its also a personal decision only you can decide if you can live with it. Sometimes the only person you need to forgive is yourself.

Relationships take work, unfortunately not everyone is willing to put in the effort. I for one plan to put everything I have into this. Not because I’m afraid of another failed marriage but because I see something in him worth fighting for. I hope he sees the same in me.

What are some of the important things in your relationship? Please feel free to share below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Rejuvenation

Rejuvenation

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It feels like I blinked and my weekend was…poof… gone! For the most part I spent it just watching t.v. in bed, while my husband worked and enjoyed a boys night. Don’t feel sad for me though, my weekend was not without any fun. I did wind up going to my sister’s house for lunch and wedding planning on Sunday, which usually involves a lot of prosecco and a ton laughs.

It was actually a very productive afternoon, she helped me dye my hair and we caught up on family current events. The one thing we didn’t really get to do was…you guessed it, wedding plan lol. But I suppose I have a few more weeks before I need to make any solid decisions regarding the guest list.

This weekend really got me thinking though about how much I really do miss being social and active outside of the house. Unfortunately this usually always happens during the winter months when I tend to hibernate from the cold weather. But since being in a serious relationship and now a married woman I have unintentionally cut ties with a lot of my girlfriends.

I no longer have a neighborhood bar where I get treated like royalty and everyone knows my name. I no longer have painful feet because I danced til dawn on a Saturday night and I no longer have a let’s get drunk at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon squad, and frankly… I miss it.

I didn’t really realize how much until my husband brought it to my attention. I need something to do while he has guys nights, he’s not 80 years old and still enjoys going to clubs etc…but I’m not 80 years old either. The only difference is that while he has been able to maintain his friendships, I have allowed mine to fall to out of touch. I miss my friends dearly but life has taken me on another path.

Don’t get me wrong, I still wanna vomit in a field (not really) and dance til dawn (definitely) and and go day drinking on a Sunday afternoon (💯definitely), but I also wanna build some dreams, make some money. I wanna hang with the girls planning a book club although we never pick a book or actually meet. I want to hang with women who inspire me to do better and have goals of their own.

The only issue with this is that these women are usually much younger than me. Take for example my work daughters, they are inspiring to the core, young and full of energy and dreams. Unfortunately I think women my age (middle) are content with their lives and just accept it is what it is. But I’m not. I’ve always wanted to do more. I’ve always wanted to do everything.

I think that’s part of the reason I feel the strong desire to go back to school and get my degree in social work (that and the sixty thousand dollars I owe on the degree I don’t yet have) or how I try to convince my husband who is interested in going into politics that we need to involve ourselves in community affairs, hand out turkeys etc. It’s ME, I have to do these things, and in doing these things I hope to meet like minded women.

So over the next few weeks I will be researching local organizations and seeing where my heart is being called to and trying to rekindle some old yet valuable friendships and also taking some time to explore my surroundings. My neighborhood is rich with history as well as culture and I love to learn about everything.

So happy belated woman’s Day and here’s to friendships new and old!

Happy Monday.

How well does your partner understand what you’re feeling?

How well does your partner understand what you’re feeling?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

How well does your partner understand what you’re feeling?

I think he has a pretty good understanding of what I’m feeling, and what he doesn’t understand he is learning as we encounter situations.

He can just look at me and know when something is wrong. Sometimes as hard as I try to hide it, he always just knows. He would probably describe it as pulling teeth in order to get it out of me but sometimes I simply don’t know what it is I’m feeling.

When I can finally vocalize what it is that I’m going through he always seems understanding, at least now he does. Obviously in the beginning, when you are just learning about each others behaviors, habits and quirks he sometimes did become short with me when I was unable to express how I was feeling. Now I think he understands that sometimes there are no words and it will pass.

Now when he asks me what’s wrong and I know what I’m feeling I usually just prattle away about it…when I can. Except for last night, a Facebook video set me off and then came the waterworks. Here’s the video so we can all cry together, it’s about diversity. Just watch it.

So how well does he understand what I’m feeling? I guess just about as much as I do…being crazy is hard.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

What do you think about cohabitation before marriage?

What do you think about cohabitation before marriage?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

What do you think about cohabitation before marriage?

Years ago, when my children were younger, it would have been a hard NO from me. But times have changed and so have I so now I honestly believe it’s a must.

Having been in several serious relationships throughout my adult life and being married three times, I know firsthand that living with someone else is challenging at the very least and requires a lot of patience.

So I’d like to think of living together as a practice run and in this day and age it isn’t frowned upon as it was when I was younger. And it’s okay if couples never marry, not everyone needs to get married. It isn’t for everyone.

But that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t move onto the next level in the relationship. There are many joys to living with someone. For me, it is getting to sleep next to H every night. I love it, even when we are having a disagreement, just having him next me is the best feeling in the world.

Another bonus is having someone to share the bills with. I’m not saying two people should move in together solely to share bills but having a partner that can help can ease the burden. But do be mindful of being able to take on the expense on your own.

It was a big thing for me to not really ask H to contribute to rent before we were married, I wanted to always be sure I could afford the expense on my own. Now is a different story, we both contribute equally. Could things still go south? Sure they could, while marriage is a big commitment there is really no magic glue that holds a couple together. It takes time, commitment, communication, honesty, trust and the determination of both partners to want to work through it.

So yea, I think living together is a good thing, as long as both partners are willing to put in the effort it takes to make a house into a home.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

If you could change anything about your past what would it be?

If you could change anything about your past what would it be?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

If you could change anything about your past what would it be?

I don’t know if there is anything I would change, I feel that most if not all of my experiences have made me the woman I am today.

I’m a mostly strong, mostly confident woman, that may have had some struggles but am also smart enough to always learn something from every situation and see my way out of them. Sometimes with the help of others but often on my own.

Why do I say I’m mostly strong & confident? Because I’m being honest. There are some days when I do struggle to get out of bed and get moving and I have to give myself major pep-talks. Actually it seems I have to give myself major pep-talks everyday lately.

But I guess if I had to change one thing it would probably be; I’d go back into time and prevent my self from being sexually assaulted. Raped to be exact.

I would not have gotten back with my ex, I would not have gone to his friends house and if even if I couldn’t change the predestined course of the act I would have made sure I reported it so I would not have to live with the shame and the guilt in silence for so many years.

But even through this horrible act I came out stronger. Yes, some of my coping mechanisms were unhealthy and dangerous, but I found temporary relief in taking back my body

So yea, that’d be the one thing I’d change. But I wouldn’t want to change me. I love myself even on my worst days, and that’s one thing I’d never want to change.

*One day, I’ll write more about this, in the hopes I might be able to help someone else.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

How often do you talk on the phone with your partner?

How often do you talk on the phone with your partner?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

How often do you talk on the phone with your partner?

Everyday, several times a day, sometimes for hours.

But there was once a time we hardly ever talked on the phone. I remember one time, early in the relationship I asked if I could call him and his response was…”I’m not in prison”😑. I thought it was really funny, but it was because of my previous relationship experience (to be discussed in another blog) and as it turns out he was in a self created prison (discussed here).

Gradually we talked more and one day it became facetime chats while we watched each other fall asleep. Well usually it was me watching him fall asleep or him listening to me snore😟. He would usually hangup at this point, but I liked to watch him. I never disconnected the call because if he woke up I wanted him to know I was still there for him and always will be.

Now like I mentioned we speak several times a day even though were married. Thinking about it, we actually speak on the phone now more than when we were dating. And I love it. Even though sometimes it can be a bit harrowing when I’m at work trying to handle several things and speak with several people at once including him and he might sneeze for example then demand a God bless you from me and when I don’t say it fast enough I then wind up barking at him and he gets butt hurt. But other than that it’s great😊! No seriously, I mean it. I love it.

Despite what may be popular insinuations, it is not because I don’t trust him. I thoroughly enjoy his company and his conversations. However,I am comforted by the fact though that God forbid anything happened to him that I would be aware of it. As a professional driver (no not a race car driver) he spends all day out on the road making sure his passengers get from point A. to point B. safely. But what about him. In between rides and when he worked late into the night, many a night he has fallen asleep at a red light. How do I know? Facetime.

Maybe I’m a weirdo, but even if we are just sitting on the phone in silence, while he has me on his air pods and he is driving his passengers around I love it. It gives me a sense of security and comfort to be able to spend the time with him when permitted.

Every moment spent whether it is on the phone or in person is a blessing and I plan to cherish every single moment.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

What was the best moment in your relationship so far? (Are you smiling while recalling that moment?)

What was the best moment in your relationship so far? (Are you smiling while recalling that moment?)

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

What was the best moment in your relationship so far? (Are you smiling while recalling that moment?)

Oh my God, just so many to tell so I really can’t pick “The Best”. So I’ll just run off a few family friendly memories that make me smile every time I think about them.

The first time he massaged my feet…it was love (at least for me): I spend a fair amount of time during my day in 3 inch heels. On this particular day, we were probably only dating for about 6 months or so, he had picked me up from work. Well, right there as he was driving me home he reached over and grabbed my leg. He pulled off my shoe and then my sock and just started massaging my foot as he was driving. I fell in instant love, it may not have been the safest thing to do but it definitely won my heart and he showed me his bravery (if you ever smelled my feet after a long day, you would know why).

The first time I met his son…I was so nervous and excited all at the same time. But it was a defining moment in our relationship. I felt honored, I don’t think any of his other girlfriend’s or ex-girlfriend’s have met the baby and it made me feel really special. I was nervous but the baby like me and we got along great!

On the day we got married…Before the ceremony, as my sister and nephew got out of the car, and I was taking a minute to adjust my make-up in the mirror he played one of my favorite songs. I had mentioned to him about a year ago that I wanted to dance to this song at our wedding. It’s a song that Bruno Mars had sang on an episode of “Jane The Virgin” when Jane & Michael got married. Well, needless to say I began to cry and there went my make-up. We didn’t have the big ceremony but in my opinion that was all I needed that day (well that and him). By playing that song he gave me the one thing I said I wanted at my wedding.

Undoubtedly there are countless moments I haven’t included. I could makeup a blog of those moments alone. These are just a few that I think of often. Every time he touches my feet and every time I look at a picture of his son.

I think about our wedding everyday, our wedding photos sit conveniently next to our tv and they remind of that beautiful day. I can’t help but smile and think about how happy I am and for what’s to come.

The beautiful thing is that we have been together for just a little over three years and have made so many beautiful memories so far…we have so many more years to go and many more “best moments” to make.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Just your average Thursday…

Just your average Thursday…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Sooooo this happened today….

Walking into 2020 like…..#Newlyweds♥️

Today H and I tied the knot, in a small intimate civil ceremony. One year to this date, on our anniversary we will have a larger celebration in front of our family and friends.

Today was about us♥️, a perfect ending to a wonderful Christmas 🎄. Life is full of bumpy roads, so glad I have my rock to stand beside me.

I love you king,🥂here’s to us and the roads ahead.

**Special thank you to my sister Cee for standing beside me and my Godson/Nephew Gee for being my ring bearer.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas…it’s back to work for tomorrow 😩 and hopefully back to regularly schedule blogging 😉.

Meeting the family for the first time?

Meeting the family for the first time?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 4 Comments

Meeting the family for the first time?

Just be yourself. Unless you’re an A-hole, then be somebody else. Just kidding, always be yourself. Obviously the person you are with sees something special in you that’s important enough to bring you home to meet their family.

Meeting the family can be stressful, I think more so around the holidays. Usually there is a larger crowd to deal with as opposed to just a regular Sunday dinner. So it might be better to put it off until you can meet everyone in smaller doses . But if you can’t just relax and take it easy.

Bring something

He/she may say that bringing something is unnecessary, but trust me it is better to bring an unnecessary gift than to show up empty handed. A good bottle of wine, maybe a box of good quality chocolates or even some festive flowers. The smallest effort will be appreciated.

Dress appropriately

Aside from being clean, neat and appearing tidy make sure you are dressed to impress. I’m not talking a tuxedo or a ball gown, I’m talking about if you’re a guy leave the sweats and sneakers at the park, if your’re a woman make sure you are wearing something that doesn’t show your underwear if you bend over. Don’t get me wrong, you should always be able to express yourself and be comfortable in your clothes and no one should ever judge anyone based on their clothing but you will be.

Limit your alcohol intake

Loose lips sinks ships…and alcohol has a way of helping us behave in away that can be misconstrued. So until you become more familiar with the family I’d leave the shots for another time.

Offer to help

Even if they decline your offer, at least you tried. Offering to help shows you appreciate being invited into their home and that you are investing your time into the family gathering, not just there for your SO.

Interact with the family

If he/she has shared details with you about the family and they are present let them know. If he mentioned his sister just graduated high school, congratulate her and ask about future plans…his uncle just retired and is about to see the world…ask to tag along…just kidding, but you see where I’m going with this. It shows that he talks about his family and it shows that you care enough to listen.

Keep the PDA to a minimum

While you might want to tongue each other down and profess your love for each other or grab a quickie in the bathroom, its best to wait until you get home…or at least until you get to your car.

Go with the family flow

If the family is rambunctious and lively go ahead be lively too, you don’t want to seem like a prude or fuddy duddy or if they are more conservative I would suggest toning it down so you don’t appear like a character off of “Shameless” (my family is more like Shameless lol). Use your best judgment.

I remember when H met my family for the first time. It was a little awkward and uncomfortable for many reasons, but he basically fit right in. I feel like were “The Munsters” meets “Shameless” lol. And for this reason everyone fits in♥️.

I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting his family, I mean I have met his mother but I would like the opportunity to see her again while I’m fully clothed🤦🏻‍♀️.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com