Tag: Dating

Should you wish your ex a Happy Holiday?

Should you wish your ex a Happy Holiday?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

Should you wish your ex a Happy Holiday?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…unless it’s not.The holiday’s can be a stressful time of year for many different reasons. Maybe you are living in a new state and away from your family or having some financial difficulties. Or maybe it’s a recent breakup. A breakup sucks in general, but right before the holidays it could hurt a bit more.

So now what? Don’t allow being lonely to drive you back into the arms of someone that you are no longer with just because you don’t want to spend the holidays alone. It’s an easy trap to fall into.

The “hey, just wanted to wish you a ______ “is one of the oldest tricks in the book and one of the easiest relationship windows to re-enter. Yes, on occasion in the past I have wished my ex’s a Merry Christmas, Happy Easter etc…. But that was because we all still hung out in the same circles and since the relationships ended amicably we remained friendly, and I was also friendlyish with their wives/ girlfriends.

So for me it was nothing more than a friendly holiday salutation. But what if it’s deeper than that. I know someone who still had her ex accompany her to family functions for two years after the breakup because she didn’t want her family to know. They always wound up getting back together…but then once the warmth of the holiday’s were over so was the warmth between them…until next year.

I get it, spending the holidays alone can be tough. I never knew what I was missing until recently. I have dated since separating from Cee but never thought anyone deserved to meet my family (that could be taken either way lol). Until H, this will be the second year he will spend the holidays with my family and he fits right in with us. Would I want him to wish his ex’s a Merry Christmas …hell fucking NO! He can however send them a lovely Christmas card of us♥️.

If you really feel a connection to your ex, I would put off any contact until after the holidays, this way you will know for sure whether or not you truly just want to wish them well or reconnect. After the holidays have passed you might feel a whole different way. I almost guarantee it.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you attend your holiday office party without your SO?

Should you attend your holiday office party without your SO?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Should you attend your holiday office party without your SO?

Is there a reason you’re excluding them? Understandably to keep cost down, some companies might not allow you to bring your SO. In this case to be respectful to H, I would make a quick run through, make sure all of the important people have seen me and then make my exit. Unless of course he is working or other wise busy, then I would stay longer. Point being, I would never want him to feel excluded. Would he do the same for me? Not really sure, but I would hope so.

I’ve been to many an office party and while I feel they are great fun and good for team camaraderie, anytime you add alcohol to the mix it can be a dangerous and thin line. Yes, I always drink too much but have always behaved myself. The same cannot be said of others.

In 2012, my company held a large Holiday party at our headquarters. The entire staff from every site was invited and although I hung out mostly with my team it was also supposed to be a great networking event. Well the alcohol was flowing and one of my former coworkers became a little handsy (we’ll call him R) and one of my other former coworkers (we’ll call him F) became really concerned.

So much that he accompanied me home on the train even though I was going in the opposite direction he was. All because R was going the same way and he wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to try anything further. R didn’t show up to work the next day and when he did return he apologized.

I’ve also witnessed firsthand some of the behavior that takes place at these parties. According to Emotional Affair Journey it’s like a “hot bed for infidelity”, I asked one of my former coworkers if she was bringing her husband to the company party, her response…”Would you bring sand to the beach?” I’m guessing that means no? lol. I’m not trying to be a Grinch and steal your holiday fun, if you’re single, do you! Although I wouldn’t advise shitting where you eat! Been there done that. Not as fun as everyone thinks, unless you like awkward situations.

Don’t get me wrong, not every party ends in drunken debauchery if you do wind up going alone just ask yourself is this how I want ____ to behave? If you decide to stay home here is two fun options to liven up your evening:

  1. If you have never watched “The Office” what are you waiting for??? Start watching! If you have, catch up on all of the Christmas episodes by using this handy guide from People and Mindy Aka Kelly Kapoor.
  2. Get a Santa hat and put it on the corner of the T.V.. Every time someone appears to be wearing it…take a shot of your favorite alcohol.

Snuggling and stuff with your love is also another great way to spend the evening. Holiday parties are fun, but there is nothing like spending time with the one you love…Corny, maybe. But I’m still in the honeymoon phase sooo Sssshhh.

Whatever you do make sure your safe. Please drink responsibly and DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE!

Also I think it’s extremely important to add when I say drink responsibly I’m also talking about being mindful of your actions. Alcohol aka liquid courage might help you get up the nerve to speak to someone you normally wouldn’t or say things more aggressively and make the other person uncomfortable. So maybe save the flirting for the watercolor and not the office party.

If you’re on the receiving end of unwanted advances I know it can be easy to want to chalk it up to the other person just being drunk and not really meaning anything by it. If it makes you uncomfortable say something. Alcohol should not be an excuse for bad behavior.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Splitting holiday time fairly

Splitting holiday time fairly

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

When you first begin a relationship, deciding where to spend the holidays can be a little tricky. Even more so when you both come from families that have strong traditions.

During my first marriage it was pretty easy to navigate the holidays. My family never really celebrated Thanksgiving, I mean we had a big meal, my parents made pernil and Chinese fried rice (I’m half Chinese) but they never made a turkey (until I instilled that tradition) so spending Thanksgiving with his family was a given. I’m also half Hispanic so our Christmas celebration is celebrated on Christmas eve. His family was Italian/ Irish so they always held their get together on Christmas Day. Win win for everyone.

What I also appreciated with this arrangement was the joys of Christmas mornings, especially when I had my first born. As I mentioned my family celebrated Christmas eve so what that basically meant was we waited until midnight to open our presents and then that was it…it was over. But now, I had the opportunity to give my children both my family’s tradition while creating a new one. I mean how else was I going to explain Santa to them. I think my parents lied and said he came to Hispanic homes first 🤷🏻‍♀️lol.

With my second marriage it was a whole other story. We both had similar backgrounds so for years, his family always got Thanksgiving day and I hosted my family the Saturday after where I served them delicious turkey and Chinese fried rice. The same went for Christmas, his family got Christmas eve and I got to visit my family Christmas Day. I eventually had to put my foot down and actually drew up a contract stating going forward we were alternating holidays with our families. He agreed. A year later his family moved out of state. Win for me.

Now that I am older and my children are creating their own traditions and spending time with their SO families I do get a little sad this time of year. I never wanted to be that demanding mom that guilted her children to surround her during every holiday like she was the Queen lol. No, I am not bitter, it’s what I used to stay as I stamped my feet to get ready to go to hell I mean his mother’s (just kidding). And I am definitely not that mom and I hope my kids can appreciate that.

So yes, I’m ready to create some new traditions for me and H. He has spent the last two Thanksgivings with my family…so next year I’m ready to be fair and visit with his. I was really hoping to go away for Christmas this year but didn’t really put enough thought into planning it, so maybe next year we can get away for a bit. This year the anticipated itinerary is: stopping by his family’s house before we head over to mine where we will finish out our night and open our secret Santa gifts…I wonder who got me????

So the best advice I can give is; make sure you talk to each other and make sure you’re being fair. Don’t be afraid to start your own traditions and above all, wherever and however you choose to spend it make sure it’s with people you love.

So where are you spending Christmas?

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas, birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas, birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas,birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

I’m going with YES!…well as long as neither parent objects.

The children have done nothing to you and probably had nothing to do with the relationship ending. So why should they suffer because the relationship ended?

H has two small children and I formed a bond with one of them. Every holiday I send them a little something on behalf of us in the name of e.g. Halloween candy from The Great Pumpkin, Easter baskets from The Easter Bunny, Valentine’s Candy from The Great Heart… it’s little traditions I began when my own children were babies that I’d like to carry on.

H doesn’t really have a relationship with my children. My youngest is 14 and they never had the chance to form a bond. So in that case it would not be expected and totally understood if they had no further contact if our relationship ended.

Obviously above all, the parent’s wishes must be respected. If your ex SO or the child’s mother/father is uncomfortable with you giving their child/children gifts after the relationship is over then as much as it may hurt, you must stop.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Have you ever declined to date someone because of their appearance?

Have you ever declined to date someone because of their appearance?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Have you ever declined to date someone because of their appearance?

Yes, unfortunately I used to be very shallow. I didn’t really care what you did for a living or how much money you had, my biggest thing was you had to be tall.

I realize now how foolish I was to have been that way, and I can’t even blame it on being young because I was this way up until very recently.

Partly it was because I was afraid of what my friends might think. When I was in my early twenties, I began to date someone I thought was very heavy, I even warned my friends that he was not my usual type of guy because I didn’t want them to be shocked and make fun of me.

Well, I felt like a total dick because they did make fun of me (not because of him, but because of me being a shallow A-hole). And the joke was on me…I wound up marrying him and having two beautiful children. Now I realize how stupid I was.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only time I acted like a mean girl P.O.S. (piece of shit). As recent as four years ago I still behaved this way. I was active on a dating app and even though I had nice conversations with some guys and I was attracted to their pictures, once I found out how tall they were I was immediately turned off.

I can’t even begin to give an excuse for this behavior, and I am so embarrassed to even admit that I behaved this way. I used to make the excuse that I was loud mouth brat and that I needed someone tall to protect me and keep me safe. But I learned that tall isn’t necessarily strong and being short doesn’t make you weak.

Once again, the universe has taught me a lesson by bringing H into my life. By this time, I was still a little on my “high horse” but there was something about him that I liked and it caught my attention. He had a lot going against him, he isn’t 6 foot tall and he is 20 years younger than me (yes, my friends still tease me about that) he had never been married and he wanted children.

So in a sense I felt the tables had been turned a little bit. He would have every right to not want to pursue me due to my advanced age. Lucky for me he liked my old ass as much as I liked his (this is the part he would say he liked me a lot and I didn’t like him at all) and we would have much bigger challenges to deal with than who is short and who is old.

At this point I’d like to add that I am under 5 feet and a lot a bit of pudgy and it would not be fair if someone were to judge me based on my appearance. But I would deserve it. I have done a lot of growing up over the years and now I see how wrong it was to judge someone based on their appearance. It’s okay, we all have a preference, but it shouldn’t be based on something as superficial as height.

Hi my name is Jai and I am a former A-hole.


What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Would you stop dating someone if your friend’s didn’t like them?

Would you stop dating someone if your friend’s didn’t like them?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Would you stop dating someone if your friend’s didn’t like them?

Hell MF NO! During our dating years there is bound to be some strife at some point between your significant other and your family friends. If this has never happened to you, consider yourself lucky! If it has, never let it interfere with your relationship.

I’ll admit over the years there may have been a person or two or three that I have disliked that was dating one of my family members or friends. It might have been for good reasons (at least to me) and although I can’t remember what was said I’m pretty sure I voiced my opinion. But that’s all it was meant to be…MY opinion.

They continued to date or communicate with the person and that’s on them. I only know what they tell me or I have observed with my own eyes and sometimes even that can be deceiving. Eye and ear hustling can be dangerous, if you aren’t part of the conversation mind ya business.

Same should be said for me. If one of my friends or family members are not thrilled with my choice of partners, that’s okay no one said you have to like them, but you are not the one dating them. So again, mind ya business.

It’s very easy for someone on the outside looking in to have an opinion about your life, but it is your life.

My BFF had something to say about most of my boyfriends. It never really bothered me because her perception of the situations and the reality of it were usually way off base, and I quite honestly had no desire to clear things up. Was I wrong? Maybe, but at the end of the day it’s my relationship/my business.

I guess with this I also learned to be careful with what I share with my friends and family. I no longer vent to them when H and I are having a tiff, because more often than not it is extremely short lived (it last for maybe a day or two, max) and I don’t want them forming opinions based on a moment of things said out of anger.

Bottom line; does he/she make YOU happy? Are they providing YOU with the things YOU require? Not just monetary things, helping to pay bills is great but I’m talking about things like love, emotional and physical support? All your needs are met are you grinning from ear to ear more than you’re crying? Good do you!

I know not every relationship is sunshine all the time, some relationships really are toxic and abusive and we might turn a blind eye to it believing it is love and if you are in one of these unhealthy relationships I would urge you to seek help. Be honest with yourself. Are the concerns your friend or family member have valid ones? Try to see things from their perspective too. It’s only fair. But remember it’s ultimately up to you to decide.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Do you think opposites attract?

Do you think opposites attract?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Do you think opposites attract?

Yes absolutely, but as with any relationship it takes work! But is this enough to build a relationship? I think so, but it also depends on how broad the differences are and how much your willing to make it work.

I’m bright and bubbly and H is the opposite of that, now I’m not saying he’s Mr. Grumpy 24/7. But we have just enough of a difference that we complement each other well.

I’m sunshine all the time and sometimes he’s a rainy day but together we make a beautiful rainbow. But not every difference and relationship is this easy and trust me there are days we create chaos and tornadoes.

It usually boils down to our difference in personalities, at the end of the day I believe we still share the same core values and that’s what we build our foundation on. The fact that we have different beliefs I think is what makes us strong.

For example; religion: I’ve just learned that I am what’s called an a la carte Catholic. I was baptized as a baby, I believe in God, Jesus and the Holy spirit, but I don’t find it necessary to attend church and I challenge some the churches teachings. He is an atheist, but that’s not to say he doesn’t believe in a higher being (although I have heard him praying to God on more than one occasion).

Could I love him even he believed in nothing? Of course I could, he’s allowed to believe in whatever gives him faith.

But what about other differences, like sex drives or education or career paths? Honestly, I swear I am not some sort of sex addict, but I believe that is one of the major opposites that are hard to overlook.

Sex, you either love it or you don’t and if you and your partner have different views on this it can be hard to overcome…and unfortunately might be used as an excuse for infidelity. Is it right, HELL NO but you can’t force or coerce someone to do things that they are not comfortable with. So in in this case I think it’s best to find someone whose views and tastes are more like yours.

IMO education and career paths are much easier to adapt to. I wouldn’t say that H and I are totally opposites in this department but not the same either. I’m white collar and he’s blue (actually, he can pretty much wear any collar he chooses), we both have some college, and both have plans to return someday. This bit of difference is one of our strong points, we encourage each other to do better and try to playfully outdo each other’s income which is a win-win for us both (currently I believe we are making the same…time to one up him).

Whatever the opposites are though, it’s up to you to and your partner to decide if they are worth the storms.  â€śIt has been said that the happiest couples never have the same character—they just have the best understanding of their differences. -The Internet”

If you’re interested here is a personality test to see if you and your partner are compatible.

Here is some information on different personality types and relationships.

These are just for fun and informational purposes.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you share your body count?

Should you share your body count?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 6 Comments

Should you share your body count?

No, I think sharing this information is unnecessary information and unfortunately can cause some judgmental side eye. The only information that should be disclosed is your S.T.I status and your current relationship status e.g. do you have kids, live with someone, are you single single or social media single?

This I believe goes for both men and women. Naturally, when you begin a relationship you share things from past relationships. But I don’t think you have to give a specific number of sexual partners. Besides, I’ve already done the math in my head.

Maybe I am being presumptuous, but I automatically assume if you have been seeing someone for more than 3 months (and that’s me being generous) have definitely bumped fuzzy’s. My only concern would be…Did you always use protection?

The only person this number should matter to is YOU. Having a high body count doesn’t automatically mean a person is promiscuous and even if they were, it doesn’t make them a bad person. If someone decides not to continue dating you due to your number…their loss. And if you decide not to date someone based on their number…shame on you. Get to know them before jumping to conclusions.

I think knowing or revealing your number can create insecurities too. No matter how much they say they want to know, trust me they don’t really want to know. If you have an active imagination like me it just became an orgy of body parts in my head and now I have a stomachache 🤮.

Admittedly, I’m not that thrilled with H’s body count (I did the math in my head) and I’m pretty damn sure he isn’t thrilled with mine (I’ve been fuzzy bumping before he was even a twinkle in his parent’s eyes). We have never asked each other for specific numbers (although I suspect they are high on both our parts) but we have discussed past partners that were part of significant stages of our lives.

Sex is a natural part of life and we should never be shamed for our experiences. It’s our bodies and we should can basically share them with whoever we want to. Just be safe about it.


What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

When is it okay to cheat?

When is it okay to cheat?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

When is it okay to cheat?

Bronx, New York

How is this even a question? but okay…

NEVER! Cheating is a selfish act and I say this as person who has been on both sides of this. No relationship is perfect, it takes a lot of work from both sides and if you aren’t willing to put in the work then you have should not be in a relationship in the first place.

There are many excuses for cheating, yes excuses. IMO there is no real good reason to do so. If you can think of one please feel free to comment below. But since this is the topic for the day lets go over some of the excuses that are commonly used.

**Please note: I use YOU as a pronoun and is not directed to a specific person, place or entity unless otherwise noted.

He/she hasn’t had sex with me in x amount of time, they never touch me anymore or make me feel loved, desired or sexy so I’m just going to get it from someone else. Have you taken the time to ask your partner if everything is okay? How are they feeling? It may be their health, physical or mental. Some times it could be something that your partner is dealing with internally and it is being projected on to you and the relationship. They may be dealing with some heavy stuff and don’t want to burden you with the details until they have all the information and it trickled it’s way into the romance.

Is this distance a new thing or have they always been this way? If this a behavior they have always displayed, talk to them. They may have suffered trauma from a previous relationship and feel like they are unable or worthy of showing love. If this is something new it might be more like the above mentioned. Either way COMMUNICATE with your SO before making a life changing decision like cheating.

He/she accuses me of doing it anyway, so might as well. Ahhh my all time favorite excuse. This is what ex-husband number 1 tried to use as his reasoning for cheating. Why did I accuse him of cheating? Let me count the ways; 1. I think the major reason was that he was inexperienced with women, I always felt he would wind up needing to “Sow his wild oats” and live a little before truly being able to settle down with one woman. 2. He was never home, barely held a job, we had a brand new baby and all he wanted to do was be in the park. Not that big a deal some might say, but that is where he met the girl he cheated with…so maybe a big deal after all?

Now I know I spent some time “accusing” H of cheating and he has accused me as well in not so many words and we have both done some questionable things or allowed outside forces to put doubts in our minds against each other and it sucks. It caused us to lose precious amounts of time together and it all could have ended really badly. Thankfully we were able to communicate with each other our fears/doubts. Communicate. Something that Tee and I we’re unable to do so many moons ago. So accusations it is, but he said I made him do it…I didn’t know I was that powerful.

If you don’t do (a certain sex act, make me food or anything I say) I’m just going to find someone who will! I’m pretty sure during the dating process you find out the other person’s likes and dislikes and their sexual sexcapades they are willing to participate in. If you like oral sex now is a good time to learn if the other person does not like giving it? If they don’t is that a deal breaker for you? If yes, do not pass go! Do they like to cook, can they cook, are they willing to learn your favorite meals? IMO dating is the audition for the role you want to play for life (marriage) and this is usually where we are all on our best behavior showing off and showing out. If they aren’t doing for you the things you require during the dating process what makes you believe they will change down the road? So no this is not a reason to cheat. You knew better. Just keep it casual.

Now I know there are some people with the belief; why should I shower her with gifts, cook him food, treat them like a King/Queen if we are only dating? Like I said it’s an audition for a bigger role. But if you don’t see yourself in their future, then by all means keep it casual and all the other things are unnecessary. I like doing these things for H, all of them. I don’t feel enslaved I actually feel empowered, like hey I got this cool magic trick I can do (cook & stuff) cheat and poof🌫 it’s gone, I go and so does my fried rice lol.

There are two things I have always told him (1). The best and only revenge I can take when we have our petty fights is not cheating on him or unblocking my ex’es…it’s revoking his access to me, even for just a little while. What does that mean? Changing his name in my phone to his full government and disabling certain apps. No need to cheat, just delete (temporarily) (2). Create an environment in which I never want to leave and I won’t and vice versa, which is also why I treat him like a king.

On the real though; in all reality I know you can be everything the other person ever dreamed of, cook their favorite foods and do back flips on their🍆, and they will still find some reason to cheat on you.What keeps a person from cheating is themselves. They and only they can decide if losing you is worth the risk of a few moments of pleasure.

I’m unhappy in my marriage and not getting any attention at home and need some excitement in my life. Never stop dating your spouse. Love notes, romantic walks, dinner dates etc should not end when that ring slips on your finger. I like to call it a tiny handcuff lol, but it most certainly isn’t a death sentence. I know firsthand after many years of marriage it can become mundane, you two might grow up and apart, I think that’s just a normal cycle of life and if that happens then it’s best to just be honest with the other person. No need to cheat. You might be surprised they don’t feel the same way about you either and maybe you two can find a way to salvage what is left of the relationship. But even if you don’t at least you were honest and can have a clean conscience in knowing you did the right thing.

He/She cheated, so I’m going to cheat back.This doesn’t work. Now you have two people “cheating” on each other and zero communication. If the other person cheated, that’s on them and you should never feel like you need to stoop to their level. Take some time apart and heal. You may decide you want to forgive them, but can you really forgive him/her for cheating? I know I couldn’t.

Withholding Sex. This is another popular excuse.Do you own hands? Have a pack of batteries and a B.O.B (battery operated boyfriend). Then why are you cheating? Is there a reason your SO is withholding sex? Ask, communicate with them. Why are they withholding sex? I have never understood this concept, I would feel like I’m punishing myself as well. I have never withheld sex, I think it’s actually a great weapon to get what I want.

I’ve been cheated on, and let me tell you it hurts. Not only mentally and emotionally but physically as well. You feel like you are dying and after you mourn the person you were, you mourn the person you thought you were with questioning everything about yourself. Why wasn’t I good enough? What did I do wrong? Will anyone ever truly love me? The thing you need to always remember is that it wasn’t you that did anything wrong, but their selfishness and that is something they will need to live with.

I’ve also been the co-conspircheater to several married men. No, this is not something I’m proud of, nor am I totally ashamed. It was an experience in my life, one which I won’t repeat. They knew they were married or in serious relationships, yeah so did I but I always felt the greater burden of guilt should fall on them. Now I understand we were equally culpable and that makes me fear that Karma lady that everyone keeps talking about.

There are so many more excuses that I didn’t get the chance to cover but please feel free to ask me to cover more specific excuses if you’d like.

So my best advice…It is never okay to cheat. But I would really love to hear some of the justifications for cheating if you have any.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Friends with benefits

Friends with benefits

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Friends with benefits

I say if you’re single go for it! I don’t see anything wrong with 2 consenting adults engaging in a consensual sexual relationship with no expectations other than a few orgasms. But there are a few things to keep in mind!

Always Use Protection!

As long as all parties involved are aware that the arrangement is nothing more than that…an arrangement. Just make sure you are honest about it though from the very beginning. It’s unfair and unsafe to allow someone to think they are the only one you’re seeing if it isn’t true.

I think this also takes a 2 very mature people, it’s easy to say you’re okay with seeing someone for only sexual benefits but that can get lonely too. Especially if they are seeing other people and it can create bouts of unwarranted jealousy. Unwarranted because you technically have no rights to be jealous. But there is a good chance one or both people will experience jealousy to some degree.

So for me, it’s more about getting your heart and your head on the same page. I don’t think it’s that hard to develop feelings for someone that spends time inside your body, they say it’s easier for men to detach because they are the “penetrators” but I have come across men that have tried to crawl out of the FWB zone (excuse me sir, return to your assigned seat). Men tend to be more possessive as women are more emotional, so how does this work again?

Another way this thin line becomes blurred is when things go from casual to not so casual. What I mean by this is when they/ or you begin concerning themselves with things outside of the bedroom. For example, whether you get a promotion or a raise, change jobs or move. These are things that should be discussed in a relationship not someone you just sleep with.

Also, I believe we carry around with us the sexual energy of previous partners. So imagine this; you sleep with dick, and dick sleeps with Alice and while Dick is sleeping with Alice you sleep with Hank and while Dick sleeps with you Alice is sleeping with Fred…..So you just slept with Dick, Hank, Alice and Fred and didn’t even know it! So now on top of worrying about STD’s (Sexually Transmitted Disease) you have to worry about STD’s (Sexually Transmitted Demons) and condoms can’t protect you from that energy. Time for a spiritual cleanse.

It’s your body and you can share it with whom ever you like. Just make sure you set ground rules you’re comfortable with and remember to stick with them.

Here was an interesting article with advice on how a FWB arrangement has backfired on a man.

And if you do decide this is the type of relationship you’re into check this out. for some helpful information and tips.

Good luck!

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com