Tag: Depression

How well does your partner understand what you’re feeling?

How well does your partner understand what you’re feeling?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

How well does your partner understand what you’re feeling?

I think he has a pretty good understanding of what I’m feeling, and what he doesn’t understand he is learning as we encounter situations.

He can just look at me and know when something is wrong. Sometimes as hard as I try to hide it, he always just knows. He would probably describe it as pulling teeth in order to get it out of me but sometimes I simply don’t know what it is I’m feeling.

When I can finally vocalize what it is that I’m going through he always seems understanding, at least now he does. Obviously in the beginning, when you are just learning about each others behaviors, habits and quirks he sometimes did become short with me when I was unable to express how I was feeling. Now I think he understands that sometimes there are no words and it will pass.

Now when he asks me what’s wrong and I know what I’m feeling I usually just prattle away about it…when I can. Except for last night, a Facebook video set me off and then came the waterworks. Here’s the video so we can all cry together, it’s about diversity. Just watch it.

So how well does he understand what I’m feeling? I guess just about as much as I do…being crazy is hard.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Just Monday Stuff….

Just Monday Stuff….

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Monday again…and off to another bumpy start.Today I’m trying to remain as positive as can be but today seems more difficult for some reason.

I guess it’s partially because my brain has fast forwarded several weeks and I am already panicking about things that are further down the line, things that may never happen (good & bad).

Once again the weather is cold and gloomy and leaving a somber mood on my heart. Arguing with H is never fun, but I guess sometimes necessary? I mean how can we workout our differences if we pretend we don’t have any? Things always seem to smooth itself out very quickly and for that I’m grateful. But what about the in-between?

One of our biggest differences is that I could never walk away without kissing him goodbye and telling him I love him, even in my most furious state. You just never know when it will be someone’s last, and I would never want him to wonder if I still loved him. He on the other hand can.

I know it isn’t the end of the world but it certainly feels like it…yes, I am extra emotional lately. No, I don’t know how to turn it off. The holidays aren’t helping either. Shopping is just about done…but it just doesn’t feel the same this year.

A friend of mine’s “stepson” has passed away suddenly and it’s hitting kind of hard. I didn’t know him and he lived in another state but how does a 28 year old just suddenly pass away? Life…it’s short and highly unpredictable. Spend each day loving and cherishing the one’s in your life and peacefully letting go of those that no longer have a place.

Until tomorrow…

Monday Madness

Monday Madness

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Monday madness + zero sleep + uncontrollable anxiety =A very cranky woman.

It’s Monday, the day of the week I usually reserve for new beginnings and fresh starts…the opportunity to let go of whatever might have happened the week before. But sometimes it isn’t that easy to let go.

I hate when old anxieties rear it’s ugly little head. Today is one of those days where I have little control over my emotions, not having slept doesn’t really help, neither does the weather.

I know that most of my fears lives within my own head, you would think that would be the easy part, but it isn’t. I can still find some way to manifest it all into my own little reality.

H has been great, kind and patient with me♥️. But even that causes my heart to go into high alert. Why do I have to be so jaded? Not every act of kindness is designed to pull the wool over my eyes, that I want to close so badly right now and finally get some sleep.

Anxiety, it won’t win today. I don’t want to give up any of my energy today, so instead I’ll focus only on things I can change. Like getting through that pile of mail on my desk or trying to find a cheesecake recipe that doesn’t require a mixer.

Monday’s are for new beginnings, but Tuesday’s bring us closer to the weekend. One day closer to everything I ever wanted.

Happy Thanksgiving🍁🦃🍽

Happy Thanksgiving🍁🦃🍽

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

How was your thanksgiving? We celebrated Thanksgiving with my family and even though we’re all a little kooky, at the end of the day we still have each other. As usual it was an amazing time filled with tons of laughter (egg roll?) and love♥️.

The holidays are not a festive and happy time for everyone. There are some people that really struggle with this time of year whether it’s financial reasons or they may not have any family close by and feel alone. We may be so caught up in our own lives we may not even notice.

If you know someone who is going through an especially hard time please check up on them. They may feel as if they don’t want to burden you. Let them know it’s okay. If you can, maybe include them in your holiday plans or even just something as simple as a phone call or text to let them know you’re thinking about them.

I hope your thanksgiving was filled with good food and the love of family and friends and you gobbled til you wobbled. Til Monday friends.

Taking 2…

Taking 2…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Yesterday, when I posted that I needed a mental health day I had no idea that today was in fact…World mental health day (it’s also the birthday of a little boy that’s very special to me). So I’ll be taking another day.

But I did want to talk a little bit about mental health. Depression, Anxiety, S.A.D. are all things I have suffered from for most of my life. I’m also an Empath, which sometimes confuses me because I’m not sure if I’m absorbing someone’s energy or emitting my own anxiety, or both which makes me a hot mess. Not everyone knows these things about me, I mean I don’t just introduce my self to people like “Hi my name is Jai, and I’m a basket case“.

I don’t really consider myself a basket case though, I’m not useless or incapable, I’ve pushed through every bad hand I was dealt and every tragedy that has forced it’s way into my life. I’ve survived unspeakable crimes and acts of selfishness.

Despite all of of this, on most days I’m still sunshine and light, a breath of fresh air. I still carry with me an innocence from childhood and naivety. Being trusting and distrustful are always at war with each other but you would never know because it is hidden behind a warm smile masked by bright red lipstick.

My eyes still see wonder in everything and my mind is a sponge, thirsting to learn more but I just need a few more days to recharge my light.

Taking a Mental Health Day

Taking a Mental Health Day

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Anxiety. I hate when this happens. It creeps up on me like a thief in the night and robs me of my peace of mind and common sense.

This dreary New York weather isn’t helping much either, it’s as if the sky is speaking for me. Saying all the things I’m feeling. But at least it knows what it wants to say. It’s fall, it’s fickle and it knows it.

Unlike me, greeting everything with side eye and suspicion, waiting for the other show to drop. Which sucks, because before yesterday I wasn’t even aware that any shoes had fallen.

I just really need that other shoe to drop.

Hope to return to my regularly scheduled blogging tomorrow.

Jai

In All Seriousness…

In All Seriousness…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Yesterday was “World Suicide Prevention Day”. According to the World Health Organization, close to 800,000 people die every year due to suicide. That’s 800,000 to many. I think it’s important for anyone that may be reading this and contemplating suicide to know that you are not alone. Please talk to someone, whether it be a friend or family member or you can talk to me if you feel comfortable.

I promise you, suicide is not the answer. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Often we can’t see past the despair, but there are much brighter days ahead. Please have hope and don’t give up.

Many moons ago, I thought suicide was the answer. But I’m so glad that my attempt was unsuccessful. I would never have had my three beautiful children, met all the wonderful and not so wonderful people I have, or even started this blog. I would have never gone on my first international trip or tasted the deliciousness of a mimosa. I would have never met the love of my life, which has taken half my lifetime to find. And in hindsight on which now, are more clearer days, the reasons weren’t even worth it. I think about all the things I would have missed out on.

So please, just take it one day at at time. There is always a better tomorrow. Sometimes there isn’t a clear indication that someone may be contemplating suicide, but if you know a friend or a family member that may be expressing a change in mood and displaying some of the signs such as depression, anxiety, shame or anger, please talk to them and/or reach out to the following resources for help.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Suicide Prevention Resource Center