Tag: Ex

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

In order for relationships to work, it takes more than two willing people in love, it takes two willing people in love to put in the hard work it requires. It takes being able to stand by each other through he good as well as the bad.

Honesty: Always be honest with each other. Even if it hurts. Now I’m not saying to just go about doing shitty things to each other, just because you will come clean about it. No, I’m talking about things like if you have been unfaithful explain to the best of your ability why, if you your feelings have changed, then why, If they do something that hurts you, why. But don’t only be honest about the bad things, be honest about everything. The things that make you happy, sad, uncomfortable. The things you feel need to work on, on yourself and or the relationship.

Trust: Trust is essential but can be hard especially if after being honest about infidelity but it is really the only way that the relationship can be salvaged after something like that. Trust can also be hard if you keep dwelling on the past and making your current partner pay for past relationship mistakes. I know I’m guilty of this. I sometimes make my husband pay for things or behaviors that my ex’es may have done or put me through and he the same with me. Also I feel like (well at least for me) that karma is coming for me big time through him. I wasn’t always a good woman and I am afraid that my relationship will fail because I did have a blatant disregard for other’s relationships. But once again if trust is an issue, be honest with your partner as to why.

Communication: Communication is always the key. Now I want everyone to keep in mind, something I’m also learning myself, is that although you may communicate how you feel it may not always render the results you were seeking. For example, it makes me unhappy when my husband does certain things and he knows this. I’ve communicated it to him several times. He in turn communicates to me his reasoning. I get it, it still makes me unhappy but I know that I at least communicated to him my feelings instead of letting it fester inside my brain/heart.

Compromise: In a relationship there is definitely A LOT of compromising going on. I don’t mean it in a bad way. Sometimes it’s over what to eat or what movie to see. It’s sometimes about choosing your battles.

Forgiveness: There is definitely A LOT of forgiveness as well. It’s true, we sometimes hurt the one’s we love. It shouldn’t be that way, but it’s what winds up happening, even if it’s unintentional. H and I have been through some things we have forgiven each other for. Forgiveness is not always a given, it’s a personal decision but it can be a lot to take on. It’s trusting that the other person won’t do it again. It’s placing yourself in a position to be vulnerable. Its also a personal decision only you can decide if you can live with it. Sometimes the only person you need to forgive is yourself.

Relationships take work, unfortunately not everyone is willing to put in the effort. I for one plan to put everything I have into this. Not because I’m afraid of another failed marriage but because I see something in him worth fighting for. I hope he sees the same in me.

What are some of the important things in your relationship? Please feel free to share below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

If you could change anything about your past what would it be?

If you could change anything about your past what would it be?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

If you could change anything about your past what would it be?

I don’t know if there is anything I would change, I feel that most if not all of my experiences have made me the woman I am today.

I’m a mostly strong, mostly confident woman, that may have had some struggles but am also smart enough to always learn something from every situation and see my way out of them. Sometimes with the help of others but often on my own.

Why do I say I’m mostly strong & confident? Because I’m being honest. There are some days when I do struggle to get out of bed and get moving and I have to give myself major pep-talks. Actually it seems I have to give myself major pep-talks everyday lately.

But I guess if I had to change one thing it would probably be; I’d go back into time and prevent my self from being sexually assaulted. Raped to be exact.

I would not have gotten back with my ex, I would not have gone to his friends house and if even if I couldn’t change the predestined course of the act I would have made sure I reported it so I would not have to live with the shame and the guilt in silence for so many years.

But even through this horrible act I came out stronger. Yes, some of my coping mechanisms were unhealthy and dangerous, but I found temporary relief in taking back my body

So yea, that’d be the one thing I’d change. But I wouldn’t want to change me. I love myself even on my worst days, and that’s one thing I’d never want to change.

*One day, I’ll write more about this, in the hopes I might be able to help someone else.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

If you breakup with your SO before the holidays should you still give them their gift?

If you breakup with your SO before the holidays should you still give them their gift?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

If you breakup with your SO before the holidays should you still give them their gift?

Yikes! I’m going with yes… but it also depends.

If we broke because he cheated I’d set that shit on fire🔥, he’s lucky I’m not burning his house down (just kidding, I don’t condone violence of any sort so please don’t burn anyone’s house down). So in this case No, I wouldn’t still give him the gift. If it was something that can be donated or sold and the money can be donated I would do that…at least this was something good can come out of the situation.

But if the breakup were amicable or over something very small and petty (which are little 2 day breakups usually are) yes, I would still give him the gift. In fact, in the past I have…on more than one occasion.

Funny now that I think about it, we usually do have some trouble right before the holidays or his birthday…which coincidentally is Valentines’s Day🤔lol. Two years ago, I had purchased a custom card with “The Office” theme. Even though we were broken up by the time the card arrived to me I still mailed it to him ahead of his birthday…funny thing is we had gotten back together by the time it arrived to his house. He loves the card, but hated that it was so simply written:

Happy Birthday,

J

We laugh about it now. The point is I still sent it even though I could have just tossed it in the trash and called it a day. The same thing happened in September, I had purchased him a St. Michael’s braided bracelet and it arrived during a time of uncertainty in our relationship. I still gave it to him, especially because it was bought out of love and I still wanted him to have it.

What I do not suggest doing is giving it to them with the intention of reopening any relationship windows. Especially if that isn’t were either of your hearts are. Don’t try to use the gift to try and woo them back, and this is only the case if you have already purchased it. I do not suggest going out to buy them anything.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you wish your ex a Happy Holiday?

Should you wish your ex a Happy Holiday?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

Should you wish your ex a Happy Holiday?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…unless it’s not.The holiday’s can be a stressful time of year for many different reasons. Maybe you are living in a new state and away from your family or having some financial difficulties. Or maybe it’s a recent breakup. A breakup sucks in general, but right before the holidays it could hurt a bit more.

So now what? Don’t allow being lonely to drive you back into the arms of someone that you are no longer with just because you don’t want to spend the holidays alone. It’s an easy trap to fall into.

The “hey, just wanted to wish you a ______ “is one of the oldest tricks in the book and one of the easiest relationship windows to re-enter. Yes, on occasion in the past I have wished my ex’s a Merry Christmas, Happy Easter etc…. But that was because we all still hung out in the same circles and since the relationships ended amicably we remained friendly, and I was also friendlyish with their wives/ girlfriends.

So for me it was nothing more than a friendly holiday salutation. But what if it’s deeper than that. I know someone who still had her ex accompany her to family functions for two years after the breakup because she didn’t want her family to know. They always wound up getting back together…but then once the warmth of the holiday’s were over so was the warmth between them…until next year.

I get it, spending the holidays alone can be tough. I never knew what I was missing until recently. I have dated since separating from Cee but never thought anyone deserved to meet my family (that could be taken either way lol). Until H, this will be the second year he will spend the holidays with my family and he fits right in with us. Would I want him to wish his ex’s a Merry Christmas …hell fucking NO! He can however send them a lovely Christmas card of us♥️.

If you really feel a connection to your ex, I would put off any contact until after the holidays, this way you will know for sure whether or not you truly just want to wish them well or reconnect. After the holidays have passed you might feel a whole different way. I almost guarantee it.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas, birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas, birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas,birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

I’m going with YES!…well as long as neither parent objects.

The children have done nothing to you and probably had nothing to do with the relationship ending. So why should they suffer because the relationship ended?

H has two small children and I formed a bond with one of them. Every holiday I send them a little something on behalf of us in the name of e.g. Halloween candy from The Great Pumpkin, Easter baskets from The Easter Bunny, Valentine’s Candy from The Great Heart… it’s little traditions I began when my own children were babies that I’d like to carry on.

H doesn’t really have a relationship with my children. My youngest is 14 and they never had the chance to form a bond. So in that case it would not be expected and totally understood if they had no further contact if our relationship ended.

Obviously above all, the parent’s wishes must be respected. If your ex SO or the child’s mother/father is uncomfortable with you giving their child/children gifts after the relationship is over then as much as it may hurt, you must stop.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you invite an ex to your wedding?

Should you invite an ex to your wedding?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Should you invite an ex to your wedding?

Nooooo! I’m pretty sure your future spouse does not want them attending and it’s definitely not a fight worth having. Ex’s are best left in the past.

Even if you have remained friendly with them since the breakup, it is not a good idea, don’t invite them. Even if your significant other says you can, do not invite them (it’s a trap). Even if you once promised to invite them, don’t invite them (why are you making such promises is a better question?).

As blended families are becoming more common, I feel the only time it’s appropriate is if it’s an ex spouse AND there are children involved. But even then, there needs to be a discussion between everyone involved including the children.

I personally thinks it’s just a bad idea all around, your wedding is supposed to be about your love for each other and your future, why drag your past into it? Besides weddings are expensive do you really want to pay approximately $200 (ex + plus one) to prove that you’re happy? Just save your money, they can just stalk your FaceBook and see the wedding pictures for free like normal ex’s.

But if you must, here is an interesting article on the do’s and don’ts of Inviting an ex to your wedding.

Good luck!

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com