Tag: Honesty

What would mom do?

What would mom do?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Everyday I lay in the same spot you did wondering how many days and nights you stared up at the ceiling or out the window wishing your mother was here to guide you. I wish you were here.

I’m an emotional mess these days, but I don’t have to tell you that, you can see everything. I know you see periods of me forgetting to eat or softening my pain with alcohol. Taking sleeping pills that don’t work to fall into a sleep that never comes. Sleep I so desperately need to fill the gaps of loneliness and uncertainty that never seemed to close.

If you knew everything that you knew when you died…would you still have done it all the exact same way? I believe I would but with exceptions, I would not have stayed in such terrible relationships for as long as I did, accepting so little of what I deserved. Maybe I would have found love sooner and not have wasted what was the last of my precious childbearing years.

School, I would have definitely finished school and gotten my degree in social work. I probably still would not be living in a penthouse but I may be in a more comfortable financial situation than I am now. BTW, do you remember why I told you I wanted to live in a penthouse? It was because dad is afraid of heights and I could hide from him there. Look at me now.

I don’t mean to sound sad, but I am. My life is different now and I’m not sure I have the strength for anymore change. Losing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through and nothing, not any relationship, friendship nor any job on earth will top the the loss of my mother, not a one. And just because it is natural order, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

Actually, the loss of one of my children would be worse and that is something I hope I never have to live through fore I would cut out my own beating heart just to give it to them.

How did you do it? Daily life, juggling everything that was important to you and everything that your family needed? Did you ever have a hard time asking for the things you needed? Did you ever want to run away? I did…I have and it was the hardest decision I made in my relationship with H.

I didn’t even really mean to run away, it all happened so fast that it actually felt like it was a dream, swiftly yet I moved in slow motion as my heart raced, wondering if I made the right decision. Was it worth it? I dunno, a lot could have transpired over the 48 hours we were apart and although I did not get the result I had hoped for I did get sometime to do some soul searching.

I felt brave and strong and yes scared. But there was an unbelievable calmness that came over me as I examined my life from all angles.

No couple is perfect, we’re no exception. I’m trying to find my voice and speak up for what I want before it becomes what I wanted. The problem with speaking up is what happens if I don’t receive the answers I hoped for?

I’m trying to not let my anxiety dictate my fears over facts but I feel like I’m losing my grasp. I’m incredibly broken right now.

Do I believe we’re soulmates? Yes, but somewhere along the way we got disconnected from each other. Can we get back to the place we once were? I’m hopeful.

The problem with relationships is that if you speak with your family and friends they form well meaning intentions and ill feelings towards your SO. Once the dust settles and you decide to work things out they seem to be less forgiving. So I’m suffering in silence.

I’ve been relying a lot on prayers and readings these days and I’m thisshy from seeking professional help. So please my dear sweet mother, who had a heart of gold and was the Queen of forgiveness, the woman who saw the goodness in everyone…what would you do?

*If any of my friends or family are reading this, we’re okay. Just trying to figure some things out and get back to the place we once were.

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

In order for relationships to work, it takes more than two willing people in love, it takes two willing people in love to put in the hard work it requires. It takes being able to stand by each other through he good as well as the bad.

Honesty: Always be honest with each other. Even if it hurts. Now I’m not saying to just go about doing shitty things to each other, just because you will come clean about it. No, I’m talking about things like if you have been unfaithful explain to the best of your ability why, if you your feelings have changed, then why, If they do something that hurts you, why. But don’t only be honest about the bad things, be honest about everything. The things that make you happy, sad, uncomfortable. The things you feel need to work on, on yourself and or the relationship.

Trust: Trust is essential but can be hard especially if after being honest about infidelity but it is really the only way that the relationship can be salvaged after something like that. Trust can also be hard if you keep dwelling on the past and making your current partner pay for past relationship mistakes. I know I’m guilty of this. I sometimes make my husband pay for things or behaviors that my ex’es may have done or put me through and he the same with me. Also I feel like (well at least for me) that karma is coming for me big time through him. I wasn’t always a good woman and I am afraid that my relationship will fail because I did have a blatant disregard for other’s relationships. But once again if trust is an issue, be honest with your partner as to why.

Communication: Communication is always the key. Now I want everyone to keep in mind, something I’m also learning myself, is that although you may communicate how you feel it may not always render the results you were seeking. For example, it makes me unhappy when my husband does certain things and he knows this. I’ve communicated it to him several times. He in turn communicates to me his reasoning. I get it, it still makes me unhappy but I know that I at least communicated to him my feelings instead of letting it fester inside my brain/heart.

Compromise: In a relationship there is definitely A LOT of compromising going on. I don’t mean it in a bad way. Sometimes it’s over what to eat or what movie to see. It’s sometimes about choosing your battles.

Forgiveness: There is definitely A LOT of forgiveness as well. It’s true, we sometimes hurt the one’s we love. It shouldn’t be that way, but it’s what winds up happening, even if it’s unintentional. H and I have been through some things we have forgiven each other for. Forgiveness is not always a given, it’s a personal decision but it can be a lot to take on. It’s trusting that the other person won’t do it again. It’s placing yourself in a position to be vulnerable. Its also a personal decision only you can decide if you can live with it. Sometimes the only person you need to forgive is yourself.

Relationships take work, unfortunately not everyone is willing to put in the effort. I for one plan to put everything I have into this. Not because I’m afraid of another failed marriage but because I see something in him worth fighting for. I hope he sees the same in me.

What are some of the important things in your relationship? Please feel free to share below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Good Vibes Only…

Good Vibes Only…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

So, my anxiety is peaking again…I know why but I also don’t. It’s also sometimes hard to find that thin line between reality and imagination. Like I said being crazy is hard, but what’s even harder is trying to prove to other people you aren’t.

I’m learning to be able to trust my husband when sharing my anxiety, it’s sometimes hard because although he wants me to share my feelings with him I know it sometimes comes out as an accusation. Sometimes it is one and at other times it isn’t. Sometimes it solely about him and at other times it ‘s not. Unfortunately I’m still having trouble after all these years fine deciphering the mess that are my emotions.

Wednesday, I had for lack of a better word a “premonition”. I was on my way to work and we were on the phone. As I was crossing the street, there wasn’t a car in sight but I had felt a large impact on my right side, as if I was just hit by a car. I told him immediately, because the last time it happened my grandmother was hit by a car a few days after.

I experienced a few days of heightened anxiety due to other things, I kept mostly silent on these matters because I wasn’t really sure where they were originating from. I have been feeling sad and depressed and feeling immense grief lately. I can’t tell you why, because I’m not really sure. Our relationship did hit a few bumps over the weekend but nothing more than the usual bumps we experienced in the past.

But as things always do, things became more clear and I noticed somethings and then the voices of un-reason began to chime in and fill my head with thoughts of dishonestly.

It started with a phone call, a blast from my past decided it would make a brief reappearance. The details of the call aren’t even worth noting the most important thing is I told my husband, pretty much as soon as it happened. Well maybe not told, but texted I needed to tell him something and as soon as I got the chance I did.

Needless to say he was not thrilled and it led to a whole other conversation that bred even more anxiety for me, because sometimes when he is being less than honest his eyes tell on him. Well, they were telling on him big time and as hard as I tried to not listen to that little voice in my head the next day I had to just dig a little for some answers.

The first place I always look for answers is Consciousness Evolution Journey YouTube channel. She is scarily always on point and this time was no different. I don’t feel I can be open about the discovery as of yet. I’m still processing it and the events of the weekend. Desperately trying to find a healthy coping mechanism because my past ones are not healthy at all. But don’t worry, it wan’t life shattering, relationship ending information, but definite conversations that needed to be had.

As always, I never know how to convey what it is I want to say vocally ( I should probably just leave him 12 page letters going forward) so I’m sure it came out all wrong, which is why it ensued into a huge and very loud one sided discussion in the park. All I really wanted to say is “when you do certain things it hurts me”.

These discussions never last long and we soon were on our way home. I still felt raw and inconsolable (actually I still do) but always have to have a brave strong face, so know one ever really understands the pain I am feeling. After awhile of being home he was going to work and seeing his friend but I felt like it was more seeing his friend and may be work. But I didn’t say anything, I know I didn’t really have to. My energy changed and he knows it, but it didn’t stop him. But something else did and while I’m unhappy it occurred at all, I’m happy it when down the way it did.

When he got to the car it was damaged. Someone had it it hard, on the right side making it inoperable. I know he’s upset, that’s the way he makes money, but I want him to see the bigger picture. He could have been in that car and we would be having a whole other conversation. I might be burying my husband instead of watching the car getting towed. I may not fully understand my emotions or premonitions, but I am thankful for the way it turned out.

Here are a few things I came away with this weekend:

Always go with your gut feelings, no matter how far fetched they may be. It’s always better to say how you feel, holding it in only hurts yourself. Keep myself focused and keep finding healthy coping mechanisms to get through situations I can’t change.

Monday’s just about over but I hope everyone had a great one. Monday’s can set the precedent for your week but it shouldn’t. If your Monday wasn’t absolutely amazing, go for a Terrific Tuesday.

Have a good night 🌙.

Do you think past relationship secrets should always be kept hidden?

Do you think past relationship secrets should always be kept hidden?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Do you think past relationship secrets should always be kept hidden?

No, because these things always have a way of resurfacing. So I think it’s always best to discuss these things up front (maybe not on the first date) but still early enough into the relationship before feelings of attachment form or as soon as the opportunity arises, just in case the other person is unable to handle what ever it is you disclosed.

Not really sure what would be considered a “past relationship secret”, anything done in a previous relationship is your business. However, I do think there are some things that absolutely must be shared like if you have children from a previous relationship, S.T.I. status, are you married etc., anything that may have an impact on your new relationship.

When I first met H, there was quite a few things he kept hidden from me, things that had I known probably would have had an impact on our relationship.May be not have stopped it completely, but definitely stalled it. Was he right to keep it from me??? I have mixed emotions about this.

I found out 5 months into the relationship he had a 5 month old son. When I found out I was both relieved and upset. Relieved because that was the biggest caveat (at least for me) in our relationship. Being that he is 20 years younger than me, I felt it would be unfair that he would never have a child of his own if we became more serious. That’s where the relief came in…now he had his son. I didn’t have to worry anymore.

The reason I was upset is more complex, like…how were you able to keep this from me?? Okay great he has a baby, but what about the mother and their relationship? I know in the beginning he tried his best to juggle the two lives and keep the peace but she wanted to be more than just the mother of his child and he just needed time to to figure out what he really wanted. By the time I figured out what I really wanted, I was already in love with him and fell in love with the baby too. I would have walked away, but I became emotionally invested in him and his child.

Looking back now, I honestly don’t know how much this information would have changed my feelings for him. I fell in love with the baby , I always told him…if we break up you only lose me…I lose two people, him and his son. Should he have told me? Yes, but he didn’t and we can’t go back in time.

When I met him, I was still legally married but living a separate life from my husband and I was already seeing someone else. I was completely honest with him about everything. I didn’t find out until later that he too was living with someone else and of course their was the baby secret (two separate women). Then add the others that made themselves known to me. It was a lot to take in lol. A LOT.

At this later time in our relationship I can understand why he may have kept certain things a “secret“ to an extent. In the beginning of a relationship, when things are very new you may be hesitant to move on with someone new and give up what you’re comfortable with. Which is unfair to all parties involved, including yourself.

It really could have gone either way, but I saw something in him worth fighting for and weathering the sometimes self created storms.

Just be honest and upfront about anything that may seem important to your relationship. A good measure is to ask yourself if this is something YOU would like to know and YOUR reaction if you found out down the road.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

It cost zero DOLLARS to be kind….

It cost zero DOLLARS to be kind….

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

But sometimes I feel like it cost me my sanity and what do you do when you’ve had enough? Unfortunately for me that usually means explode to the wrong people.

I will always be very appreciative when anyone has shown me even the smallest of kindness. The world is full of cruelty and sheep’s in wolves clothing. Everyone has an ulterior motive…even me. But I would never be unkind or vindictive to get what I want.

So that’s why it’s so hard for me to understand when people change up on me without cause. Like, was it something I did ? I think I’m a pretty amazing person, I make sure the rent gets paid on time, make sure everything is tidy and try to be respectful of the property of those around me. So why, why, why must some act like monsters?

You’re probably lost, as I realize I probably have gotten ahead of myself. You see, all is not going well in Jailand. Noooo, its not my marriage, H and I are fine (well as fine as we can be under the circumstances). But we have a light at the end of the tunnel so this period of (I don’t even know what to call it) is just temporary.

So just to catch you up what’s been going on…it would appear our angels in disguise are in fact the opposite. Maybe not demons, but money definitely makes their world go round.

First it was a set price for the rent bi-weekly. They then charged us an additional 50$ for a building key , fine. We were in a jam and still very appreciative of the fact they opened their home to us. Then they raised the rent an additional $150 due to the increased “electricity” bill. Okay, not sure how that’s possible being we are at work all day but ok. Then 2 days before its due reneging the original agreement demanding the entire amount! To top it off, now they want an additional $20 per week to clean the bathroom?

It wasn’t bad enough were still in the living room with only some curtains for privacy? That someone keeps going into our area and touching, opening and eating our things? But now to pay so much more for less than we were promised? No.

I know we look well off but we’re not. I buy my clothes in “Rainbow” just like you, most of my jewelry were gifts, we scrimp and save and use Groupon to have date nights. And sometimes eat Ramen noodles for a week when we have to.

So please don’t ever think I’m unappreciative by refusing to just agree to everything. We simply don’t have it for what we’re receiving, please don’t ever think because I’m less fortunate than you that I’m unworthy of kindness and deserve whispers behind semi closed doors.

And I’ve no one I’ve got to prove myself to except the woman in the mirror. I…we…me and Him (H) have proved time and again we are more than capable of picking up the pieces and building an even stronger foundation.

So here’s to us my love 🥂, and on to the next journey that awaits us.

And I apologize to anyone I might explode and have a crazy tantrum on (Sorry to the lady in McDonald’s and to my husband) you were both “mostly” innocent bystanders.

Should you share your body count?

Should you share your body count?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 6 Comments

Should you share your body count?

No, I think sharing this information is unnecessary information and unfortunately can cause some judgmental side eye. The only information that should be disclosed is your S.T.I status and your current relationship status e.g. do you have kids, live with someone, are you single single or social media single?

This I believe goes for both men and women. Naturally, when you begin a relationship you share things from past relationships. But I don’t think you have to give a specific number of sexual partners. Besides, I’ve already done the math in my head.

Maybe I am being presumptuous, but I automatically assume if you have been seeing someone for more than 3 months (and that’s me being generous) have definitely bumped fuzzy’s. My only concern would be…Did you always use protection?

The only person this number should matter to is YOU. Having a high body count doesn’t automatically mean a person is promiscuous and even if they were, it doesn’t make them a bad person. If someone decides not to continue dating you due to your number…their loss. And if you decide not to date someone based on their number…shame on you. Get to know them before jumping to conclusions.

I think knowing or revealing your number can create insecurities too. No matter how much they say they want to know, trust me they don’t really want to know. If you have an active imagination like me it just became an orgy of body parts in my head and now I have a stomachache 🤮.

Admittedly, I’m not that thrilled with H’s body count (I did the math in my head) and I’m pretty damn sure he isn’t thrilled with mine (I’ve been fuzzy bumping before he was even a twinkle in his parent’s eyes). We have never asked each other for specific numbers (although I suspect they are high on both our parts) but we have discussed past partners that were part of significant stages of our lives.

Sex is a natural part of life and we should never be shamed for our experiences. It’s our bodies and we should can basically share them with whoever we want to. Just be safe about it.


What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

When is it okay to cheat?

When is it okay to cheat?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

When is it okay to cheat?

Bronx, New York

How is this even a question? but okay…

NEVER! Cheating is a selfish act and I say this as person who has been on both sides of this. No relationship is perfect, it takes a lot of work from both sides and if you aren’t willing to put in the work then you have should not be in a relationship in the first place.

There are many excuses for cheating, yes excuses. IMO there is no real good reason to do so. If you can think of one please feel free to comment below. But since this is the topic for the day lets go over some of the excuses that are commonly used.

**Please note: I use YOU as a pronoun and is not directed to a specific person, place or entity unless otherwise noted.

He/she hasn’t had sex with me in x amount of time, they never touch me anymore or make me feel loved, desired or sexy so I’m just going to get it from someone else. Have you taken the time to ask your partner if everything is okay? How are they feeling? It may be their health, physical or mental. Some times it could be something that your partner is dealing with internally and it is being projected on to you and the relationship. They may be dealing with some heavy stuff and don’t want to burden you with the details until they have all the information and it trickled it’s way into the romance.

Is this distance a new thing or have they always been this way? If this a behavior they have always displayed, talk to them. They may have suffered trauma from a previous relationship and feel like they are unable or worthy of showing love. If this is something new it might be more like the above mentioned. Either way COMMUNICATE with your SO before making a life changing decision like cheating.

He/she accuses me of doing it anyway, so might as well. Ahhh my all time favorite excuse. This is what ex-husband number 1 tried to use as his reasoning for cheating. Why did I accuse him of cheating? Let me count the ways; 1. I think the major reason was that he was inexperienced with women, I always felt he would wind up needing to “Sow his wild oats” and live a little before truly being able to settle down with one woman. 2. He was never home, barely held a job, we had a brand new baby and all he wanted to do was be in the park. Not that big a deal some might say, but that is where he met the girl he cheated with…so maybe a big deal after all?

Now I know I spent some time “accusing” H of cheating and he has accused me as well in not so many words and we have both done some questionable things or allowed outside forces to put doubts in our minds against each other and it sucks. It caused us to lose precious amounts of time together and it all could have ended really badly. Thankfully we were able to communicate with each other our fears/doubts. Communicate. Something that Tee and I we’re unable to do so many moons ago. So accusations it is, but he said I made him do it…I didn’t know I was that powerful.

If you don’t do (a certain sex act, make me food or anything I say) I’m just going to find someone who will! I’m pretty sure during the dating process you find out the other person’s likes and dislikes and their sexual sexcapades they are willing to participate in. If you like oral sex now is a good time to learn if the other person does not like giving it? If they don’t is that a deal breaker for you? If yes, do not pass go! Do they like to cook, can they cook, are they willing to learn your favorite meals? IMO dating is the audition for the role you want to play for life (marriage) and this is usually where we are all on our best behavior showing off and showing out. If they aren’t doing for you the things you require during the dating process what makes you believe they will change down the road? So no this is not a reason to cheat. You knew better. Just keep it casual.

Now I know there are some people with the belief; why should I shower her with gifts, cook him food, treat them like a King/Queen if we are only dating? Like I said it’s an audition for a bigger role. But if you don’t see yourself in their future, then by all means keep it casual and all the other things are unnecessary. I like doing these things for H, all of them. I don’t feel enslaved I actually feel empowered, like hey I got this cool magic trick I can do (cook & stuff) cheat and poof🌫 it’s gone, I go and so does my fried rice lol.

There are two things I have always told him (1). The best and only revenge I can take when we have our petty fights is not cheating on him or unblocking my ex’es…it’s revoking his access to me, even for just a little while. What does that mean? Changing his name in my phone to his full government and disabling certain apps. No need to cheat, just delete (temporarily) (2). Create an environment in which I never want to leave and I won’t and vice versa, which is also why I treat him like a king.

On the real though; in all reality I know you can be everything the other person ever dreamed of, cook their favorite foods and do back flips on their🍆, and they will still find some reason to cheat on you.What keeps a person from cheating is themselves. They and only they can decide if losing you is worth the risk of a few moments of pleasure.

I’m unhappy in my marriage and not getting any attention at home and need some excitement in my life. Never stop dating your spouse. Love notes, romantic walks, dinner dates etc should not end when that ring slips on your finger. I like to call it a tiny handcuff lol, but it most certainly isn’t a death sentence. I know firsthand after many years of marriage it can become mundane, you two might grow up and apart, I think that’s just a normal cycle of life and if that happens then it’s best to just be honest with the other person. No need to cheat. You might be surprised they don’t feel the same way about you either and maybe you two can find a way to salvage what is left of the relationship. But even if you don’t at least you were honest and can have a clean conscience in knowing you did the right thing.

He/She cheated, so I’m going to cheat back.This doesn’t work. Now you have two people “cheating” on each other and zero communication. If the other person cheated, that’s on them and you should never feel like you need to stoop to their level. Take some time apart and heal. You may decide you want to forgive them, but can you really forgive him/her for cheating? I know I couldn’t.

Withholding Sex. This is another popular excuse.Do you own hands? Have a pack of batteries and a B.O.B (battery operated boyfriend). Then why are you cheating? Is there a reason your SO is withholding sex? Ask, communicate with them. Why are they withholding sex? I have never understood this concept, I would feel like I’m punishing myself as well. I have never withheld sex, I think it’s actually a great weapon to get what I want.

I’ve been cheated on, and let me tell you it hurts. Not only mentally and emotionally but physically as well. You feel like you are dying and after you mourn the person you were, you mourn the person you thought you were with questioning everything about yourself. Why wasn’t I good enough? What did I do wrong? Will anyone ever truly love me? The thing you need to always remember is that it wasn’t you that did anything wrong, but their selfishness and that is something they will need to live with.

I’ve also been the co-conspircheater to several married men. No, this is not something I’m proud of, nor am I totally ashamed. It was an experience in my life, one which I won’t repeat. They knew they were married or in serious relationships, yeah so did I but I always felt the greater burden of guilt should fall on them. Now I understand we were equally culpable and that makes me fear that Karma lady that everyone keeps talking about.

There are so many more excuses that I didn’t get the chance to cover but please feel free to ask me to cover more specific excuses if you’d like.

So my best advice…It is never okay to cheat. But I would really love to hear some of the justifications for cheating if you have any.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you look through your partner’s phone?

Should you look through your partner’s phone?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Should you look through your partner’s phone?

Absolutely NOT, because if you look, there is a good chance you will find something. No matter how minute (mi-noot) it may be it will seem much larger than it is.

The very fact that you feel the need to look should be addressed. Is it something you feel or something they have said or done that makes you feel the need to do this?

I’ll admit it, I’m a snoop and I will justify it with my insecurities. Yes, I have moments and days where I am extremely insecure or my anxiety kicks in. And yes, I have snooped through my fiance’s phone and scoured the phone bill and have come up loaded every time. And what did I get besides breaking my own heart…reasonable explanations.

He’s looked through mine too and boy oh boy did he find something. Albeit, it was 4 years old but way, way, way worse than anything I have found, so are we even yet? I’m pretty sure he broke his own heart too, and since then we have both learned not to snoop (at least I hope we have).

I’d like to say we have both learned it’s better to just ask each other about what ever it may be we’re feeling that drives us to snoop and I believe for the most part we do. And it is better to ask:

“Why is your phone always on DND?”

“Why is your phone always faced down?”

“Why is so&so calling you at 6 am?”

“Who is_____?”

“Why do you have old pictures/videos?”

The list is endless (please feel free to add your own) but it all comes down to trust. Which we are working on. My phone is still locked but he has the pass-code, because I truly have nothing to hide that I’m aware of.

What I mean by that is, what he found on my phone was an old video. Quite honestly, I completely forgot it was even there. So since that day, I have started to go through my camera roll and have found a few things that should have been deleted years ago.

I’m working on it, I have over 50,000 photos & videos (mostly selfies and memes) so it’s a lot of content to get through. But one day my phone will be free from it’s past.

Do I have his pass-code? No, well not technically. He say’s it’s his sons birthday but I tried every variation I could think of and nada. Maybe it’s best that way, I much rather enjoy the scenarios I make up in my head.

I did read an article on when it is appropriate to look through your partner’s phone and experts say it’s only appropriate “when it’s part of being totally transparent after they have cheated. “The only time it makes sense to look at each other’s phones is to get over cheating when complete transparency is the purpose,”. That seems fair to me. But what also seems fair is don’t look through mine unless I can look through yours🤷🏻‍♀️.

But back to the root of it all, if looking through your partners phone is something that consumes you, it’s best to take a better look at your relationship instead of looking through their phone.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Is honesty really the best policy? *Revised

Is honesty really the best policy? *Revised

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Is honesty really the best policy?

Yes, but remember…sometimes the truth hurts.

It’s not easy…we all want to be informed, but sometimes when we find out, it confirms our worst fears. So be prepared.

For me (call it woman’s intuition or it could be I’m a nosy ass), I usually know some degree of the truth before I even ask the question. My famous line “Babe, just tell me the truth, I won’t get mad” has been said probably over 1000 times. Do I get mad, yes, but not as mad as I probably would have if I didn’t overthink the situation to death. But more than mad, I’m hurt.

There have been times my fiance and I will be being going through a difficult period, things are always exposed during the worst of times mostly because I do a lot of hounding and harassing (and I am not afraid to admit it) because I’m already feeling raw but need the band-aid ripped off the wound I created by overthinking.

That one tear slips out from my eye that I was trying so hard to hold in and he says something like ” Women always say they want someone to tell them the truth but get mad when you do”….Yea I wanted the truth, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. FYI, I’m not talking about infidelity, that’s next level truth in which if he ever has that type of truth to tell me he better not be standing next to an open window, anything sharp, anything dull, breathing….etc.

But honestly, I’d rather be hurt by the truth than comforted by lies. Especially because lies are always exposed at some point. If you tell me the truth, there is a chance we can work through it. But if you tell me a lie, it makes it harder to believe you and after that everything is questionable.

Just tell the truth, give them the choice whether they want to accept it or not. Whatever you do though, do not make the choice for them by being deceitful. It’s unfair. And in a sense you have won by default.

But I think the better question might be, why do something that you know can hurt your partner in the first place?

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

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