Tag: Kids

Co-parenting and the holidays

Co-parenting and the holidays

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Co-parenting and the holidays

This is definitely a tough one. I feel like I got cheated out of Thanksgiving with my youngest because she was generally at the mercy of her dad who has custodial custody and drives her around, but I also realize that not everyone has the luxury have of being able to communicate with them.

When we separated, there really wasn’t any love lost between us. For several years after the marriage ended we continued to co-habituate under the same roof for the sake of the kids. But that can only last so long, so we eventually went our separate ways. My youngest daughter chose to live with him and even though it broke my heart I knew it was the best thing for her.

We don’t have an official holiday vising schedule set in place, and I feel like we definitely need one ASAP especially for next year. I mean you only get to see her EVERYDAY of the year, can I get a Christmas morning every other year? I don’t think its to much to ask for.

So what would be fair? Switching every other year just like I implemented when we were married. It’s not really that hard and trust me I know he will miss her. I certainly do but all is fair in civility and war.

I’m hoping she will be able to make it to my sister’s house for Christmas eve, I guess I will start harassing him now. We actually do get along now we have both moved on with our personal lives and our only connection is the children. Have we mastered this co-parenting thing? Hell No! but we are civil enough to each other and are trying our best.

For others, they aren’t this lucky and that is a terribly sad thing. When two people who were intimate enough to create a life but now can’t even stand each other enough to do what’s in the best interest of the child. I’d like to be naive and think that the warmth of the holiday seasons can warm up even the coldest of hearts..but reality sets in and reminds me that this is real life and not some Hallmark movie.

So what would I suggest to anyone that isn’t getting to spend the holidays with their child? It is in no way a substitution but make sure you spend it with people you love and make you feel loved. Don’t close yourself off to the world. Make sure you document the holiday in some way that is meaningful to you and them. Maybe it is an old tradition you shared and want to keep alive or a new tradition you hope to incorporate when you are finally reunited.

Most of all never give up hope that things will someday be different. That’s what I do. Hope, its the invisible gift that keeps giving me life.

Are you a single parent? How are you splitting the holidays this season?

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas, birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas, birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas,birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

I’m going with YES!…well as long as neither parent objects.

The children have done nothing to you and probably had nothing to do with the relationship ending. So why should they suffer because the relationship ended?

H has two small children and I formed a bond with one of them. Every holiday I send them a little something on behalf of us in the name of e.g. Halloween candy from The Great Pumpkin, Easter baskets from The Easter Bunny, Valentine’s Candy from The Great Heart… it’s little traditions I began when my own children were babies that I’d like to carry on.

H doesn’t really have a relationship with my children. My youngest is 14 and they never had the chance to form a bond. So in that case it would not be expected and totally understood if they had no further contact if our relationship ended.

Obviously above all, the parent’s wishes must be respected. If your ex SO or the child’s mother/father is uncomfortable with you giving their child/children gifts after the relationship is over then as much as it may hurt, you must stop.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Are we going to die?

Are we going to die?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Are we going to die?

That was the question my precocious 7 year old daughter had written on a post-it note and quietly handed me 7 years ago as “Super Storm Sandy” was violently ripping through our normally quiet Queens neighborhood (thank you FaceBook for reminding me).

Whenever there was a major event, be it weather or war, I have always liked to have the news on 24/7 to stay informed. I did it with the gulf war, September 11th, and Super Storm Sandy was no different.

Shortly after September 11th, I had my two oldest paint pictures of the twin towers (I always felt that using art was a good way to get my kids to let me know how they were feeling). One painted the towers intact, with a beautiful sky and birds flying, the other painted the towers showing people jumping out of the windows. I just thought of it as two kids that viewed the same incident through different eyes, each with a different interpretation. One chose to remember them as they were, the other chose to see them as they are.

Both paintings were equally beautiful and yet sad, I wished they didn’t have to live in a world that such dangerous hatred existed.

When Super Storm Sandy hit, it really was as if the world was ending. We were thankfully no where near the flood zone, but the news showed our bordering neighborhoods being devoured by the storm and the floods and the fires it created. We all just sat in silence watching and waiting for the storm to pass.

I never realized that my need to know was affecting my children’s need to grow and just be kids. They grew up on horror movies and aside from that short period of time my son wanted me to change his name to Michael (Michael Myers🔪) they were largely unaffected but real life world events are another thing. Those are horrors more unpredictable and terrifying than anything Hollywood could ever produce.

I really thought they were so immersed in their game boy’s and kid shows that they were oblivious to what was going on around them. Apparently they weren’t. Would I go back and do the same things again? Yes, except I would make sure to talk to them more and have them vocalize their fears as well as express them through their drawings.

When my youngest handed me that note I had no idea how to respond…all I could say was “yes, just not today or anytime soon😘”.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com