Tag: Menopause

The Last Box

The Last Box

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

*Warning: Men you will probably want to skip this one.

So as I feared, the end is probably near. The last time I saw any signs of a period were right before Valentine’s Day. I remember this because I was spotting and I kept praying it away because I didn’t want it to ruin V~Day and my husband’s birthday (yes he was a V~Day baby❤).

I prayed it away…damn I’m good. Maybe too good. But I bought the box anyway. It’s funny because as I bought it I chuckled to myself…imagine this is the last box I’ll ever buy… why can’t when I imagine meeting Drake or having a million dollars come true. By the way my love, the Drake reference was just to see if you’re still reading lol.

But seriously, I just wanted to postpone the period not wish it away forever but here I am, 2 1/2 months later (or 74 days according to my FLO app) and not even a spot since that fateful day. I still carry around a pad or tampon just in case it decides to make a surprise appearance, but it just seems to be taking up space.

I’m just feeling down about it. My husband is quite the opposite, he couldn’t be more happier. I would have really loved to try and carry a child of our own but he is dead set against it. Not that I agree with them but least he was honest with his reasons. I’d say this so far is the one subject that we will never see eye to eye on. So we have agreed to get a fur baby, not the same but I guess it will do.

As I picked up that last box, I glanced over at the ovulation & pregnancy test and wondered if I would ever need to take one of those again. My heart became filled with sadness because I know it’s only a matter of time. I would never again feel, little hiccups from within or tiny kicks to keep me up at night. These are things that only a mother can know.

I make intelligent and beautiful babies. I was a good and nurturing mother, it wasn’t only until they were teenagers and young adults that I thought I failed them. I just wanted the chance to do it one more time. Honestly, I’d give my life for it which is basically what having another child would probably be… a death sentence for me. But as any parent would, I would give my life for my child.

As I purchased that last box, I thought of the inconvient timimg this period had, like whhhyyyy now. I passed through an aisle that a clerk was starting to arrange spring items and sunblock, all signs that point to renewal and a carefree summer which made me think, I guess I’ll never have to worry about an accident on my beach towel again. It also made me think; I’ll never get to Baywatch run on the beach again to save my toddler son from drowning.

As I walked home with that last box I tried really hard to remember the first box. I was only 10 and thats all that I really remember. I remember how badly I wanted it just because my girl friends were starting to get theirs and I wanted to be just like them. I prayed hard and I got it.

Drake & a million dollars

Ticking Time Bomb

Ticking Time Bomb

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Disclaimer: To my male readers, sorry it might get icky 🔴

My biological clock is ticking…actually I think the batteries have died and my clock is permanently broken. It’s been 57 days since I last had a period (using my lady from Titanic voice), which makes it about 25 days late .

I thought I saw some…lets call it movement about 20 days ago but nothing since. Everyday is a struggle because 🗣 I WANT TO WEAR MY WHITE PANTS WITHOUT FEAR OF A SNEAK ATTACK! So I just wear them all willy nilly praying “please don’t come today”.

From my waist down every bone and muscle hurts. If you ever had a period you know what I’m talking about, that painful knee throb that hurts when you walk, sit or stand.

The splintering throb in your pants that reminds you that you are walking around with a swollen vagina that feels like bamboo shoots have been shoved up there. At least that’s what I imagine having bamboo shoots shoved up your vagina would feel like.

Not to mention all the belly aches and headaches and the tender breastses that hurt when air hits them. The funny thing is, is that if I were just a little younger (okay a lot younger) these could all be mistaken for the symptoms of pregnancy, but I’m not and refuse to pee on a stick and give myself two minutes of hope.

Emotionally and physically I am a ticking time bomb. Now I’m not making excuses for snapping at my husband (8% of the time he probably deserves it lol) but I am saying that I’m extremely on edge these days.

Also, my sex drive is completely through the roof, so much so that I constantly want my husband to bang me like a screen door during a hurricane (did I just say that out loud?). I’m not a animal, I just want my husband to give me sex and rub my feet, belly and back at 30 minute intervals.

But back to my ticking time bomb. The ticks are so loud sometimes they are deafening which puts me in a angry at the world mood. Being someone’s mother was the only thing I was ever good at and the only thing I ever wanted to be.

🔴Update: It’s here, and boy is it bad.

Dear Men,

Dear Men,

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

You will never understand what it feels like to be a woman. Not only are we expected to look cute and be sexy all the time. But think about all the money and time that is invested in that.

I used to have what I like to call “personal maintenance” days religiously, every two weeks. This consisted of getting my acrylic nails filled and my eyebrows threaded and once a month I would get a pedicure. Not only did all these little services add up in expense but it is also very time consuming. There are so many other things I could be doing on a Saturday morning 😴, also I’ve lost count how many time I’ve sat in those chairs with a massive hangover.

And let’s forget men and the difference in our bodies and how doctors appointments go. They might have their balls cupped and asked to cough and then when they reach fifty have a camera inserted in their butts, but that seems pretty easy to me.

As a woman I have at least three different doctors/vital annual exams. There is my PCP (Primary Care Physician) I actually have a new one that I’m meeting today since my old one has left the practice. Whee fun times, I hate seeing a new doctor, I always feel like they think I’m making my symptoms up.

Even more fun is when we have to get our annual mammograms. Guys have you had one? Has your wife/GF/mother explained to you the joys of this exam? No? okay, let me walk you through it…

Imagine if you will, standing topless in front of a machine designed to flatten your breast like a pancake. It’s not awkward enough that you have a complete stranger applying nipple markers on you and arranging and rearranging your breast just right on the plastic plate but they make you stand in such an uncomfortably awkward position as well, practically hugging the machine. This done at least four times, breathe and they may have to begin the process again…or worse call you back in.

But the best is when you have your annual GYN exam (totally being sarcastic here) noting like a stranger telling you to scooch your butt down to the end of the table and spread your legs wide, while inserting a plastic speculum into your vagina and gouging cells off your cervix…okay it’s not gouging it’s more like a scraping but still.

If I sound like I am man bashing, I promise you I’m really not. Just going through a lot personally lately and as menopause is approaching I’m becoming more aware of my limitations and quite frankly, it’s making me very sad, which I’m sure is translating into angry, vicious, evil bitch to my husband.

I don’t mean to push him away, but all of the explanations in the world, revealing all my insecurities and fears will never be enough for him to understand how I need him near me, yet please go away, but not so far that you can’t hear me crying out for you because you are everything to me.

Women, we are wondrous, gorgeous, amazing creatures whose bodies can do amazing things, so I’m finding it really hard to be losing this superpower. What will become of me now?

Go hug your mother’s and massage your wife’s feet, as your women we go through a lot that goes unnoticed.

Men, if I misspoke and you have stories you would like to share, please do so below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com