Tag: Parenting

Monday Feels…

Monday Feels…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I had a really amazing weekend. Saturday was just your regular lazy day. We slept ALL DAY! Then he went to work for a little bit and made it home just in time to watch the season finale of our favorite show…”Power”.

It’s a great show, but I feel like the ending was highly disappointing and predictable. I do have to say though, I have never seen a show generate this much “water cooler” talk on a Monday morning.

Yesterday is what made my weekend though. We went to Chinatown to celebrate Chinese New Year. I’ve been to many Chinese New Year parades, but my husband has never been to one so I was excited to have the opportunity to bring him to one, but the icing on the cake was that my daughter was up to joining us.

She’s 15, and like most 15 year olds would rather spend time with her friends. Which is totally understandable. I was once 15, thirty three year moons ago. So I felt honored she wanted to come.

It was also the first time she would be spending time with me and her stepdad outside of a family function. Usually family functions there is a lot going on and many buffers to diffuse any anxiety anyone may be feeling, but yesterday it was only the three of us or better known as them vs me😑lol.

The weather started out beautiful, it was a comfortable winter day for a parade.We found parking fairly quickly considering the area (even though we had a bit of a hike to the parade route). The sun was shining and the crowds were not that bad this year (honestly probably due to the corona virus scare) but it made for a comfortable viewing experience.

We were able to get a spot right in front of our favorite Chinese restaurant, so once they had enough parade we just went in to have lunch. Good timing too, because within 20 minutes of us entering the restaurant a line began to form. If you are ever in the area I would definitely suggest stopping into Wo Hop, 17 Mott St New York, NY 10013. I have waited on the line to get into this place for 2 1/2 hours. The restaurant is open 24 hours a day which is a super plus for the midnight munchers. Don’t tell them I sent you…they have no idea who I am.

Last night I became so overwhelmed with emotions rethinking the events of the day. I’m so glad that I got to spend that precious and valuable time with both my husband and my daughter. I was a little worried only because I know how he views “stepchildren” which is not to say is a bad thing, just very different from my views.

But as he always does, maybe without even knowing it, he came through for me and made me feel like a superstar for her. Not only was he able to pick her up and bring her home and he inadvertently helped me to buy her the dragon puppet she really wanted but by just his being present showed me he cared enough to spend the day with us and get to know her.

Maybe I’m making too much out of it, but I know him. He usually chooses making money over everything. And while he would love going to the parade there is always next year…So thank you my love for taking the time for us….

I always say Monday’s are for fresh starts…and I truly believe that yesterday was just that…a fresh start and a new beginning. Also, my husband shared some news with me this morning, that would be another fresh start for us. I hope to share the news with you all soon.

Have a wonderful Monday!

Have you started to do something because of each other’s influence?

Have you started to do something because of each other’s influence?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

 Have you started to do something because of each other’s influence?

Yes, be late for everything lol! Just kidding, but no seriously, he has no conception of time and often is late for (every) things.

But lets focus on only the positive things…I’ve had a strained relationship with my parent’s. Like, I love being around them for a few hours but I often needed to have some sort of promise of inebriation and/or a bribe involved usually food and alcohol.

But since meeting H, I am learning to enjoy the time spent at my parent’s. I thoroughly enjoy watching him interact with them and the way he captivates my dad with his musical abilities. My mom has always been easy to please, but she genuinely enjoys his company and vice versa. I think he’s her biggest IG fan.

I think he enjoys her company more than he enjoys mine😑 lol. I know there might come a day that I will regret not having gone to visit more but I am thankful for the times that we do go now. Would I visit more if H wasn’t in my life? Probably not as I hardly visited before. But like I said, let’s just focus only on the positive.

Now go hug your parents.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Splitting holiday time fairly

Splitting holiday time fairly

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

When you first begin a relationship, deciding where to spend the holidays can be a little tricky. Even more so when you both come from families that have strong traditions.

During my first marriage it was pretty easy to navigate the holidays. My family never really celebrated Thanksgiving, I mean we had a big meal, my parents made pernil and Chinese fried rice (I’m half Chinese) but they never made a turkey (until I instilled that tradition) so spending Thanksgiving with his family was a given. I’m also half Hispanic so our Christmas celebration is celebrated on Christmas eve. His family was Italian/ Irish so they always held their get together on Christmas Day. Win win for everyone.

What I also appreciated with this arrangement was the joys of Christmas mornings, especially when I had my first born. As I mentioned my family celebrated Christmas eve so what that basically meant was we waited until midnight to open our presents and then that was it…it was over. But now, I had the opportunity to give my children both my family’s tradition while creating a new one. I mean how else was I going to explain Santa to them. I think my parents lied and said he came to Hispanic homes first 🤷🏻‍♀️lol.

With my second marriage it was a whole other story. We both had similar backgrounds so for years, his family always got Thanksgiving day and I hosted my family the Saturday after where I served them delicious turkey and Chinese fried rice. The same went for Christmas, his family got Christmas eve and I got to visit my family Christmas Day. I eventually had to put my foot down and actually drew up a contract stating going forward we were alternating holidays with our families. He agreed. A year later his family moved out of state. Win for me.

Now that I am older and my children are creating their own traditions and spending time with their SO families I do get a little sad this time of year. I never wanted to be that demanding mom that guilted her children to surround her during every holiday like she was the Queen lol. No, I am not bitter, it’s what I used to stay as I stamped my feet to get ready to go to hell I mean his mother’s (just kidding). And I am definitely not that mom and I hope my kids can appreciate that.

So yes, I’m ready to create some new traditions for me and H. He has spent the last two Thanksgivings with my family…so next year I’m ready to be fair and visit with his. I was really hoping to go away for Christmas this year but didn’t really put enough thought into planning it, so maybe next year we can get away for a bit. This year the anticipated itinerary is: stopping by his family’s house before we head over to mine where we will finish out our night and open our secret Santa gifts…I wonder who got me????

So the best advice I can give is; make sure you talk to each other and make sure you’re being fair. Don’t be afraid to start your own traditions and above all, wherever and however you choose to spend it make sure it’s with people you love.

So where are you spending Christmas?

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas, birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas, birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas,birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

I’m going with YES!…well as long as neither parent objects.

The children have done nothing to you and probably had nothing to do with the relationship ending. So why should they suffer because the relationship ended?

H has two small children and I formed a bond with one of them. Every holiday I send them a little something on behalf of us in the name of e.g. Halloween candy from The Great Pumpkin, Easter baskets from The Easter Bunny, Valentine’s Candy from The Great Heart… it’s little traditions I began when my own children were babies that I’d like to carry on.

H doesn’t really have a relationship with my children. My youngest is 14 and they never had the chance to form a bond. So in that case it would not be expected and totally understood if they had no further contact if our relationship ended.

Obviously above all, the parent’s wishes must be respected. If your ex SO or the child’s mother/father is uncomfortable with you giving their child/children gifts after the relationship is over then as much as it may hurt, you must stop.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Tis the season…

Tis the season…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Thanksgiving is over…Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, you’re up!

This time of year can be stressful no matter what you’re beliefs are or how you celebrate. So let’s keep it light and fun, and remember it’s about family more than it’s about gifts.

If you’re like me, you like to receive gifts…and if your even more like me it means you like to give them more than to receive them (H if you happen to be reading this, I still want the air fryer lol), which often means I’m trying to figure how many kidney’s I’ll have to sell in order to get everyone something. Well at least the old me thought that way.

Since my children are mostly grown now, Christmas no longer has the urgency it once did. You know the one where you lie to keep up the facade of Santa being real and try to get everything on their wish list because after all Santa can give you everything as long as you are a good boy/girl! Thank God they never asked for a pony!

Gifts should really come more from the heart and less from the wallet. I know gifts cost money, but I think some of the coolest gifts I have ever given have been ones that I made. I used to be heavily into photography and it was always such a warmth in my heart to give someone a photo I have taken. Sometimes if I could I would buy a frame too or even make one.

Another way to keep cost down and still be in the Christmas giving spirit, is to have a Secret Santa drawing. This is a good way for all of the adults in the family (near or far) to exchange gifts. Agree on a price limit and set up a gift exchange on Elfster. I’m in charge of our family’s Secret Santa this year…wish me luck lol.

If you are going to visit someone’s home for the holidays you can always bring a “host gift” IMO it covers everyone in the house (except the kids). It can be good bottle of wine or homemade Dominican Ponche or Puerto Rican Coquito all are delicious inexpensive choices.

How do you celebrate the upcoming holidays? Please share with me sone of your traditions.

Are we going to die?

Are we going to die?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Are we going to die?

That was the question my precocious 7 year old daughter had written on a post-it note and quietly handed me 7 years ago as “Super Storm Sandy” was violently ripping through our normally quiet Queens neighborhood (thank you FaceBook for reminding me).

Whenever there was a major event, be it weather or war, I have always liked to have the news on 24/7 to stay informed. I did it with the gulf war, September 11th, and Super Storm Sandy was no different.

Shortly after September 11th, I had my two oldest paint pictures of the twin towers (I always felt that using art was a good way to get my kids to let me know how they were feeling). One painted the towers intact, with a beautiful sky and birds flying, the other painted the towers showing people jumping out of the windows. I just thought of it as two kids that viewed the same incident through different eyes, each with a different interpretation. One chose to remember them as they were, the other chose to see them as they are.

Both paintings were equally beautiful and yet sad, I wished they didn’t have to live in a world that such dangerous hatred existed.

When Super Storm Sandy hit, it really was as if the world was ending. We were thankfully no where near the flood zone, but the news showed our bordering neighborhoods being devoured by the storm and the floods and the fires it created. We all just sat in silence watching and waiting for the storm to pass.

I never realized that my need to know was affecting my children’s need to grow and just be kids. They grew up on horror movies and aside from that short period of time my son wanted me to change his name to Michael (Michael Myers🔪) they were largely unaffected but real life world events are another thing. Those are horrors more unpredictable and terrifying than anything Hollywood could ever produce.

I really thought they were so immersed in their game boy’s and kid shows that they were oblivious to what was going on around them. Apparently they weren’t. Would I go back and do the same things again? Yes, except I would make sure to talk to them more and have them vocalize their fears as well as express them through their drawings.

When my youngest handed me that note I had no idea how to respond…all I could say was “yes, just not today or anytime soon😘”.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you help your adult children?

Should you help your adult children?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Should you help your adult children?

Shirley, Texas

If I have the means yes, I would, but it also would depend on how often they are asking for help, how much are they asking for, and if it’s a loan are they repaying them?

It would also depend on why they are asking for help. Are they productive members of society and just fell a little behind on bills? (it happens to the best of us). Or are they lazy and refuse to go find a job?

I don’t think I would be able to help, if I didn’t see them making any efforts to remedy the situations on their own. If there first thought is to run to mom & dad every time they will probably never learn. And in the end the only thing they might have learned is that, they can’t function without me.

I think a lot of thought and care has to be put into this, it is definitely a personal decision with no right or wrongs. As parents it’s our job to raise our children to be self sufficient, that’s how you know you did a job well done. When they can leave the nest, wings soaring ready to face the world. But like I said, things happen to even the best of us.

I’m fortunate, that I’ve raised children that are more than capable of taking care of themselves financially and otherwise. And have on the occasion, have been able to help me out of a financial jam. Thank you my loves.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thought and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Can you be friends with your baby daddy’s girlfriend?

Can you be friends with your baby daddy’s girlfriend?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Can you be friends with your baby daddy’s girlfriend?

Anonymous

Yes, actually it’s essential and beneficial for everyone involved especially the child. Okay, maybe the term “friends” may be to strong, but definitely civil which can hopefully lead to friendly friendly.

When I was a single mother, it was absolutely devastating the first time I saw my little girl (she was one and half at the time) sitting on the lap of my soon to be ex husband’s new girlfriend. So much to the point that I started a fistfight. It was brought to my attention though that he thought the fight was over him. SIR, you could not be more wrong.

The fight was over my daughter, and my insecurity of another woman being in her life, potentially calling her mommy. I wasn’t ready to allow this woman to form a bond with MY baby. That’s what broke my heart.

It didn’t take me that long to come to my senses and realize I had better make room for this woman in my life if she was going to be a permanent fixture in my daughter’s life.

We didn’t become the best of friends, but I put aside my pride enough that I was comfortable with dropping off/picking up my daughter from her house. And yes, I did apologize for my outburst and explained why.

What were the benefits of this new arrangement? Me and my ex did less fighting and more communicating. I got an extra pair of hands. If I needed to drop her off or pick her up early this was an option. Her house became a neutral space.

My daughter got extra love, she was kind to her, fed her, made sure she was bathed and well taken care of while he was at work.

I’m now on the opposite end of this situation, I’m the “new girlfriend”. I’m not trying to be their mom or take her place. Trust me, I know what that felt like.

So YES, you can and should be at the very least civil/friendly with your ex partners new partner.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com