Tag: Relationships

Rejuvenation

Rejuvenation

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It feels like I blinked and my weekend was…poof… gone! For the most part I spent it just watching t.v. in bed, while my husband worked and enjoyed a boys night. Don’t feel sad for me though, my weekend was not without any fun. I did wind up going to my sister’s house for lunch and wedding planning on Sunday, which usually involves a lot of prosecco and a ton laughs.

It was actually a very productive afternoon, she helped me dye my hair and we caught up on family current events. The one thing we didn’t really get to do was…you guessed it, wedding plan lol. But I suppose I have a few more weeks before I need to make any solid decisions regarding the guest list.

This weekend really got me thinking though about how much I really do miss being social and active outside of the house. Unfortunately this usually always happens during the winter months when I tend to hibernate from the cold weather. But since being in a serious relationship and now a married woman I have unintentionally cut ties with a lot of my girlfriends.

I no longer have a neighborhood bar where I get treated like royalty and everyone knows my name. I no longer have painful feet because I danced til dawn on a Saturday night and I no longer have a let’s get drunk at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon squad, and frankly… I miss it.

I didn’t really realize how much until my husband brought it to my attention. I need something to do while he has guys nights, he’s not 80 years old and still enjoys going to clubs etc…but I’m not 80 years old either. The only difference is that while he has been able to maintain his friendships, I have allowed mine to fall to out of touch. I miss my friends dearly but life has taken me on another path.

Don’t get me wrong, I still wanna vomit in a field (not really) and dance til dawn (definitely) and and go day drinking on a Sunday afternoon (💯definitely), but I also wanna build some dreams, make some money. I wanna hang with the girls planning a book club although we never pick a book or actually meet. I want to hang with women who inspire me to do better and have goals of their own.

The only issue with this is that these women are usually much younger than me. Take for example my work daughters, they are inspiring to the core, young and full of energy and dreams. Unfortunately I think women my age (middle) are content with their lives and just accept it is what it is. But I’m not. I’ve always wanted to do more. I’ve always wanted to do everything.

I think that’s part of the reason I feel the strong desire to go back to school and get my degree in social work (that and the sixty thousand dollars I owe on the degree I don’t yet have) or how I try to convince my husband who is interested in going into politics that we need to involve ourselves in community affairs, hand out turkeys etc. It’s ME, I have to do these things, and in doing these things I hope to meet like minded women.

So over the next few weeks I will be researching local organizations and seeing where my heart is being called to and trying to rekindle some old yet valuable friendships and also taking some time to explore my surroundings. My neighborhood is rich with history as well as culture and I love to learn about everything.

So happy belated woman’s Day and here’s to friendships new and old!

Happy Monday.

One Day Later…

One Day Later…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It’s here, once again and although the weekend was a mostly pleasant one (actually a great one, aside from that nasty chore called laundry) I’m really glad its Monday. Why? Because I couldn’t wait to share an epiphany I had this weekend.

My husband decided to take me out on a “date night❤” and although we seem to spend a lot of time together, whether it’s doing chores or snuggling up to watch t.v. (currently we’re re-watching Nip/Tuck) we haven’t really gone out out very often as a couple, alone.

I was very excited thinking about this all last week, he might think it was because I was getting the chance to redeem myself in a pool re-match (we never got to the pool playing part) I was just excited to go out with my husband and for little while just enjoy each other’s company and not worry about bills or budgets.

I always like to be fair, especially when I can, so I paid for dinner at Applebees (Yes, I consider it a date spot) and he paid for the hookah and drinks at the pool hall. Even though the place was crowded we got a seat and were able to actually have a heart to heart talk.

I know it weighs heavily on him sometimes how my last marriage ended. I guess from the outside I appeared as a bored housewife that decided to have an affair but truth be told, I did try for 10 years to make that marriage work and after many years of my pleas of unhappiness falling on deaf ears, did I decide to step outside my marriage for comfort.

He asked me “what would make me cheat on him”? and although it is the absolute furthest thing on my mind I gave him an honest answer.

Firstly, I think people do things they think they can get away with. Although my first husband cheated on me, I don’t believe he would have put up much of a fight if the shoe was on the other foot. And as far as my second husband goes…he didn’t put up much of a fight or show him any emotion when I told him I no longer wanted to be with him 🤷🏻‍♀️. So I ran with it…

Was it wrong? Absolutely 💯 but I knew I could get away with it. With H, I know that I could not…and why would I want to? Right now, all of my needs are being met as I hope his are.

He does occasionally ask questions about my second marriage like what happened and why..and the truth was, I simply was unhappy. But it wasn’t just one time and bam now I’m done…it was years of being unhappy, constantly having to voice my unhappiness with little to no results. Until one day I decided I was going to make myself happy.

Granted, I’ve never been very good with vocally voicing my emotions it’s either angry or accusatory even when I don’t mean to be and usually a result of holding it i for to long. But I’m really trying with H, because I do love him and really do want him to be my forever.

He knows the one major thing that is currently ruffling my feathers and sends me into a angry tirade. Maybe I’m over-reacting but my feelings are my feelings and sometimes they have no rhyme or reason to them.

So what was my epiphany? I had several, but lets start with: don’t ever stop dating your spouse. It’s really easy to lose sight of the person you sleep next to and take them for granted. Even if it is not within your budget, make sure you spend at least one night a week as a “date night”. Date night does not always have to consist of going out, it can be something as simple as giving each other massages or getting a bottle of your favorite bubbly and watching your favorite movies.

The next epiphany I had is so simple but it isn’t…communicate with your partner. I cannot stress this enough you must communicate with your partner, not just about the things that make you unhappy but the things that make you happy too.

The things I took away from my past marriages is that our partners are not mind readers and must be given the fair chance to fight. I say that communicating is not as simple as it because for me it isn’t. Besides hating having my feelings devalued, I just cannot always find the right words to say.

So the message I hope you take away today is, always make time for each other and communicate how you feel.

Good Vibes Only…

Good Vibes Only…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

So, my anxiety is peaking again…I know why but I also don’t. It’s also sometimes hard to find that thin line between reality and imagination. Like I said being crazy is hard, but what’s even harder is trying to prove to other people you aren’t.

I’m learning to be able to trust my husband when sharing my anxiety, it’s sometimes hard because although he wants me to share my feelings with him I know it sometimes comes out as an accusation. Sometimes it is one and at other times it isn’t. Sometimes it solely about him and at other times it ‘s not. Unfortunately I’m still having trouble after all these years fine deciphering the mess that are my emotions.

Wednesday, I had for lack of a better word a “premonition”. I was on my way to work and we were on the phone. As I was crossing the street, there wasn’t a car in sight but I had felt a large impact on my right side, as if I was just hit by a car. I told him immediately, because the last time it happened my grandmother was hit by a car a few days after.

I experienced a few days of heightened anxiety due to other things, I kept mostly silent on these matters because I wasn’t really sure where they were originating from. I have been feeling sad and depressed and feeling immense grief lately. I can’t tell you why, because I’m not really sure. Our relationship did hit a few bumps over the weekend but nothing more than the usual bumps we experienced in the past.

But as things always do, things became more clear and I noticed somethings and then the voices of un-reason began to chime in and fill my head with thoughts of dishonestly.

It started with a phone call, a blast from my past decided it would make a brief reappearance. The details of the call aren’t even worth noting the most important thing is I told my husband, pretty much as soon as it happened. Well maybe not told, but texted I needed to tell him something and as soon as I got the chance I did.

Needless to say he was not thrilled and it led to a whole other conversation that bred even more anxiety for me, because sometimes when he is being less than honest his eyes tell on him. Well, they were telling on him big time and as hard as I tried to not listen to that little voice in my head the next day I had to just dig a little for some answers.

The first place I always look for answers is Consciousness Evolution Journey YouTube channel. She is scarily always on point and this time was no different. I don’t feel I can be open about the discovery as of yet. I’m still processing it and the events of the weekend. Desperately trying to find a healthy coping mechanism because my past ones are not healthy at all. But don’t worry, it wan’t life shattering, relationship ending information, but definite conversations that needed to be had.

As always, I never know how to convey what it is I want to say vocally ( I should probably just leave him 12 page letters going forward) so I’m sure it came out all wrong, which is why it ensued into a huge and very loud one sided discussion in the park. All I really wanted to say is “when you do certain things it hurts me”.

These discussions never last long and we soon were on our way home. I still felt raw and inconsolable (actually I still do) but always have to have a brave strong face, so know one ever really understands the pain I am feeling. After awhile of being home he was going to work and seeing his friend but I felt like it was more seeing his friend and may be work. But I didn’t say anything, I know I didn’t really have to. My energy changed and he knows it, but it didn’t stop him. But something else did and while I’m unhappy it occurred at all, I’m happy it when down the way it did.

When he got to the car it was damaged. Someone had it it hard, on the right side making it inoperable. I know he’s upset, that’s the way he makes money, but I want him to see the bigger picture. He could have been in that car and we would be having a whole other conversation. I might be burying my husband instead of watching the car getting towed. I may not fully understand my emotions or premonitions, but I am thankful for the way it turned out.

Here are a few things I came away with this weekend:

Always go with your gut feelings, no matter how far fetched they may be. It’s always better to say how you feel, holding it in only hurts yourself. Keep myself focused and keep finding healthy coping mechanisms to get through situations I can’t change.

Monday’s just about over but I hope everyone had a great one. Monday’s can set the precedent for your week but it shouldn’t. If your Monday wasn’t absolutely amazing, go for a Terrific Tuesday.

Have a good night 🌙.

How content are you with the amount of non-sexual affection in your relationship?

How content are you with the amount of non-sexual affection in your relationship?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

How content are you with the amount of non-sexual affection in your relationship?

Very, although he may not believe it.

I have always told him that I felt like that little crook under his arm (sounds better than saying his armpit) and his chest was made just for me. I fit perfectly in that spot and it feels like that’s exactly where I belong. He might say that my dinosaur head gets heavy, but I don’t care that’s what home feels like for me.

I think I’ve mentioned before that sometimes our sexual desires for each other don’t exactly meet in the middle, but I still always enjoy just spending time with him. Whether it’s just hanging out in the car doing post-mates or just laying in bed watching t.v. Our current favorite t.v. show is old to me but new to him…90210! It’s funny to think that he wasn’t even born when the show first originally aired.

Admittedly, just as with sex and intimacy I want more of his non-sexual affection time as well. Am I selfish yes but not needy…maybe more like wanty. I just love him and being with him clothed or not.

I think the bigger issues will be when we no longer enjoy each other’s company, when we look for more reasons to do activities apart rather than together. I mean we still are newlyweds, and I for one love being in his presence…let’s revisit this is six months.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

How well does your partner understand what you’re feeling?

How well does your partner understand what you’re feeling?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

How well does your partner understand what you’re feeling?

I think he has a pretty good understanding of what I’m feeling, and what he doesn’t understand he is learning as we encounter situations.

He can just look at me and know when something is wrong. Sometimes as hard as I try to hide it, he always just knows. He would probably describe it as pulling teeth in order to get it out of me but sometimes I simply don’t know what it is I’m feeling.

When I can finally vocalize what it is that I’m going through he always seems understanding, at least now he does. Obviously in the beginning, when you are just learning about each others behaviors, habits and quirks he sometimes did become short with me when I was unable to express how I was feeling. Now I think he understands that sometimes there are no words and it will pass.

Now when he asks me what’s wrong and I know what I’m feeling I usually just prattle away about it…when I can. Except for last night, a Facebook video set me off and then came the waterworks. Here’s the video so we can all cry together, it’s about diversity. Just watch it.

So how well does he understand what I’m feeling? I guess just about as much as I do…being crazy is hard.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

What do you think about cohabitation before marriage?

What do you think about cohabitation before marriage?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

What do you think about cohabitation before marriage?

Years ago, when my children were younger, it would have been a hard NO from me. But times have changed and so have I so now I honestly believe it’s a must.

Having been in several serious relationships throughout my adult life and being married three times, I know firsthand that living with someone else is challenging at the very least and requires a lot of patience.

So I’d like to think of living together as a practice run and in this day and age it isn’t frowned upon as it was when I was younger. And it’s okay if couples never marry, not everyone needs to get married. It isn’t for everyone.

But that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t move onto the next level in the relationship. There are many joys to living with someone. For me, it is getting to sleep next to H every night. I love it, even when we are having a disagreement, just having him next me is the best feeling in the world.

Another bonus is having someone to share the bills with. I’m not saying two people should move in together solely to share bills but having a partner that can help can ease the burden. But do be mindful of being able to take on the expense on your own.

It was a big thing for me to not really ask H to contribute to rent before we were married, I wanted to always be sure I could afford the expense on my own. Now is a different story, we both contribute equally. Could things still go south? Sure they could, while marriage is a big commitment there is really no magic glue that holds a couple together. It takes time, commitment, communication, honesty, trust and the determination of both partners to want to work through it.

So yea, I think living together is a good thing, as long as both partners are willing to put in the effort it takes to make a house into a home.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

How often do you talk on the phone with your partner?

How often do you talk on the phone with your partner?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

How often do you talk on the phone with your partner?

Everyday, several times a day, sometimes for hours.

But there was once a time we hardly ever talked on the phone. I remember one time, early in the relationship I asked if I could call him and his response was…”I’m not in prison”😑. I thought it was really funny, but it was because of my previous relationship experience (to be discussed in another blog) and as it turns out he was in a self created prison (discussed here).

Gradually we talked more and one day it became facetime chats while we watched each other fall asleep. Well usually it was me watching him fall asleep or him listening to me snore😟. He would usually hangup at this point, but I liked to watch him. I never disconnected the call because if he woke up I wanted him to know I was still there for him and always will be.

Now like I mentioned we speak several times a day even though were married. Thinking about it, we actually speak on the phone now more than when we were dating. And I love it. Even though sometimes it can be a bit harrowing when I’m at work trying to handle several things and speak with several people at once including him and he might sneeze for example then demand a God bless you from me and when I don’t say it fast enough I then wind up barking at him and he gets butt hurt. But other than that it’s great😊! No seriously, I mean it. I love it.

Despite what may be popular insinuations, it is not because I don’t trust him. I thoroughly enjoy his company and his conversations. However,I am comforted by the fact though that God forbid anything happened to him that I would be aware of it. As a professional driver (no not a race car driver) he spends all day out on the road making sure his passengers get from point A. to point B. safely. But what about him. In between rides and when he worked late into the night, many a night he has fallen asleep at a red light. How do I know? Facetime.

Maybe I’m a weirdo, but even if we are just sitting on the phone in silence, while he has me on his air pods and he is driving his passengers around I love it. It gives me a sense of security and comfort to be able to spend the time with him when permitted.

Every moment spent whether it is on the phone or in person is a blessing and I plan to cherish every single moment.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Is sex about constantly pushing the boundaries or playing by the rules?

Is sex about constantly pushing the boundaries or playing by the rules?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Is sex about constantly pushing the boundaries or playing by the rules?

Interesting question…both.

There must always be rules and as long as there is a clear understanding between both (or more) partners than go ahead and push those boundaries. Although I don’t think the boundaries need to be constantly pushed, I do think it’s fun to try out new things.

I can’t yet share to much info without speaking to my husband but we are planning on pushing the boundary a little bit. No, it is not a threesome, so honey please don’t get all excited lol. Threesomes are not for me, I’m too immature for that. I wrote a piece about it here if you would like to read about it.

But what I am willing to do is that thing we have been talking about for years. I’m usually game for anything as long as I’m comfortable with it. Like I said, I can’t really share to much about it beforehand but if he’s okay with it I will share the R rated details after.

The point of this piece though is yes to boundaries and rules. I have discussed the rules and conditions of what we will be embarking on and he seems to be okay with what I’m asking for. However, he sometimes does have a comment or remark he makes that makes me rethink the whole situation and yes it does make me uncomfortable.

On one hand I don’t know if he is saying such things so I will be the one to shut it down or if he is really planning on doing the things he says…thus now I have a assault charge (just kidding, no violence).

If your shy about how to approach your partner regarding boundaries just ease into it. For example if there is a particular sex act or position you may want to try you could simply ask or if you’re watching porn say “hey, that looks fun, wanna try”?

I know its easier said than done, but what’s the worse that can happen? Now go push some boundaries but also set some rules. I’m about to go harass my husband into something kinky🙃lol. Totally partially kidding.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

What was the best moment in your relationship so far? (Are you smiling while recalling that moment?)

What was the best moment in your relationship so far? (Are you smiling while recalling that moment?)

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

What was the best moment in your relationship so far? (Are you smiling while recalling that moment?)

Oh my God, just so many to tell so I really can’t pick “The Best”. So I’ll just run off a few family friendly memories that make me smile every time I think about them.

The first time he massaged my feet…it was love (at least for me): I spend a fair amount of time during my day in 3 inch heels. On this particular day, we were probably only dating for about 6 months or so, he had picked me up from work. Well, right there as he was driving me home he reached over and grabbed my leg. He pulled off my shoe and then my sock and just started massaging my foot as he was driving. I fell in instant love, it may not have been the safest thing to do but it definitely won my heart and he showed me his bravery (if you ever smelled my feet after a long day, you would know why).

The first time I met his son…I was so nervous and excited all at the same time. But it was a defining moment in our relationship. I felt honored, I don’t think any of his other girlfriend’s or ex-girlfriend’s have met the baby and it made me feel really special. I was nervous but the baby like me and we got along great!

On the day we got married…Before the ceremony, as my sister and nephew got out of the car, and I was taking a minute to adjust my make-up in the mirror he played one of my favorite songs. I had mentioned to him about a year ago that I wanted to dance to this song at our wedding. It’s a song that Bruno Mars had sang on an episode of “Jane The Virgin” when Jane & Michael got married. Well, needless to say I began to cry and there went my make-up. We didn’t have the big ceremony but in my opinion that was all I needed that day (well that and him). By playing that song he gave me the one thing I said I wanted at my wedding.

Undoubtedly there are countless moments I haven’t included. I could makeup a blog of those moments alone. These are just a few that I think of often. Every time he touches my feet and every time I look at a picture of his son.

I think about our wedding everyday, our wedding photos sit conveniently next to our tv and they remind of that beautiful day. I can’t help but smile and think about how happy I am and for what’s to come.

The beautiful thing is that we have been together for just a little over three years and have made so many beautiful memories so far…we have so many more years to go and many more “best moments” to make.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

When was the last time you said “I love you” to your partner?

When was the last time you said “I love you” to your partner?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

 When was the last time you said “I love you” to your partner?

About 15 minutes ago, and normally several times a day via text and every time before we (hang up) I guess the actual term would be end the call, because no one hangs up anymore. But yea, I’m really big on saying I love you as often as I can, which is why it pisses me off so much when we may have an argument and he just leaves/ends the call without saying it!

Like did you fall out of love with me in the last few minutes/hours? Highly doubtful, especially because our arguments are usually about insignificant people and events. So what gives?

I guess this is where he and I are different. Although we both know that tomorrow or even five minutes from now isn’t a given, we both approach this differently. If I should walk away from him and not say I love him I would feel terribly be guilty if God forbid something happened to him before I saw him again. I think he feels more like; eh…I’ll just make it up to her later. But what if there is no later?

Maybe he’s okay with that, but I’m not. So I will ” I love you” him to death even when I want to rip his head off.

Yes, this post was short…but hopefully sweet, hopefully sweet enough to inspire everyone to make sure you tell your SO/family members that you love them as often as you can.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com