Should you look through your partner’s phone?

Absolutely NOT, because if you look, there is a good chance you will find something. No matter how minute (mi-noot) it may be it will seem much larger than it is.

The very fact that you feel the need to look should be addressed. Is it something you feel or something they have said or done that makes you feel the need to do this?

I’ll admit it, I’m a snoop and I will justify it with my insecurities. Yes, I have moments and days where I am extremely insecure or my anxiety kicks in. And yes, I have snooped through my fiance’s phone and scoured the phone bill and have come up loaded every time. And what did I get besides breaking my own heart…reasonable explanations.

He’s looked through mine too and boy oh boy did he find something. Albeit, it was 4 years old but way, way, way worse than anything I have found, so are we even yet? I’m pretty sure he broke his own heart too, and since then we have both learned not to snoop (at least I hope we have).

I’d like to say we have both learned it’s better to just ask each other about what ever it may be we’re feeling that drives us to snoop and I believe for the most part we do. And it is better to ask:

“Why is your phone always on DND?”

“Why is your phone always faced down?”

“Why is so&so calling you at 6 am?”

“Who is_____?”

“Why do you have old pictures/videos?”

The list is endless (please feel free to add your own) but it all comes down to trust. Which we are working on. My phone is still locked but he has the pass-code, because I truly have nothing to hide that I’m aware of.

What I mean by that is, what he found on my phone was an old video. Quite honestly, I completely forgot it was even there. So since that day, I have started to go through my camera roll and have found a few things that should have been deleted years ago.

I’m working on it, I have over 50,000 photos & videos (mostly selfies and memes) so it’s a lot of content to get through. But one day my phone will be free from it’s past.

Do I have his pass-code? No, well not technically. He say’s it’s his sons birthday but I tried every variation I could think of and nada. Maybe it’s best that way, I much rather enjoy the scenarios I make up in my head.

I did read an article on when it is appropriate to look through your partner’s phone and experts say it’s only appropriate “when it’s part of being totally transparent after they have cheated. “The only time it makes sense to look at each other’s phones is to get over cheating when complete transparency is the purpose,”. That seems fair to me. But what also seems fair is don’t look through mine unless I can look through yours🤷🏻‍♀️.

But back to the root of it all, if looking through your partners phone is something that consumes you, it’s best to take a better look at your relationship instead of looking through their phone.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

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