Should you marry for love or security?

Work question of the day, N.Y

Some might call me a dummy, but I would choose love over money any day. Here’s what I have learned over the years.

Security: When I was 18, I got married (civil ceremony) not because I was head over heels in love but because I saw it as a way out of my current living situation. I had a super strict father, that drank a lot, and who said that the only way out for me was through marriage. Tee came from a good family and I thought…white picket fence here I come! I’m very impulsive and up for the challenge.

So four days after my 18th birthday my boyfriend Tee of 3 only months and I went to our local court house and got married. Then came the fun part…telling our families. Needless to say they were NOT happy. But there was nothing that could be done. Shortly after I became pregnant and our families insisted we now had to have the traditional church wedding. Thousands of dollars later and just under 2 years, that marriage ended in divorce.

Love: When I met Cee, I was just a 22 year old single mother. We became engaged just 8 months into the relationship and I became pregnant with my second child 7 months after that. He took on all responsibility for my daughter and treated her as his own. To this day they are still very close.

I loved Cee, but I didn’t want to get married right away. I was content with having the baby first, then eventually being able to plan a big wedding. But my father thought me being a once divorced-unwed pregnant/single mother was a bad influence on my two younger sisters which I was very close to (despite our big age differences). He forbade me any contact with them and it broke my heart. So…I got married and like magic I was a part of the family again. 22 years later both spent equally good and bad that marriage ended in divorce.

Present Day: I’ve been dating H for 3 years and marriage is definitely on the horizon.There are days I think “Eh, we don’t have to get married right away, it’s unnecessary and it’s only a piece of paper” and then I have days I want to run to the court house and get married yesterday” (today, I’m having one of those days). But which ever day I’m having I can safely say I’m doing this for love.

He has been up, he has been down, he has held 2 jobs at a time and has gone through periods where he has had none. He is reentering the military and everyone keeps saying what great benefits I would get as a military wife. That’s nice, but all I want is him. He keeps talking about the money I would inherit if he dies in combat, shut up, I only want/need for you to come home because what is security if you aren’t here?

I’m not trying to escape a desperate situation, I’m not being disowned, I’m not pregnant…I’m simply in love…and would be honored to be his wife.

But here is something else I learned through 2 marriages and years of growth. Go into it already a team…why does it have to be one or the other? Why can’t we build together and be each other’s security? I believe that’s where the real security is…just having each other’s backs.You can never go wrong when you the right team member by your side.

Psst…I’m ready if you are👰🏻🤵🏿

I did do some research on this topic just to see what others think and found this interesting article on “Three reasons why you shouldn’t marry for love.”. It makes sense, but I still believe that love should be the foundation for marriage.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

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