Tag: Advice

How often do you talk on the phone with your partner?

How often do you talk on the phone with your partner?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

How often do you talk on the phone with your partner?

Everyday, several times a day, sometimes for hours.

But there was once a time we hardly ever talked on the phone. I remember one time, early in the relationship I asked if I could call him and his response was…”I’m not in prison”😑. I thought it was really funny, but it was because of my previous relationship experience (to be discussed in another blog) and as it turns out he was in a self created prison (discussed here).

Gradually we talked more and one day it became facetime chats while we watched each other fall asleep. Well usually it was me watching him fall asleep or him listening to me snore😟. He would usually hangup at this point, but I liked to watch him. I never disconnected the call because if he woke up I wanted him to know I was still there for him and always will be.

Now like I mentioned we speak several times a day even though were married. Thinking about it, we actually speak on the phone now more than when we were dating. And I love it. Even though sometimes it can be a bit harrowing when I’m at work trying to handle several things and speak with several people at once including him and he might sneeze for example then demand a God bless you from me and when I don’t say it fast enough I then wind up barking at him and he gets butt hurt. But other than that it’s great😊! No seriously, I mean it. I love it.

Despite what may be popular insinuations, it is not because I don’t trust him. I thoroughly enjoy his company and his conversations. However,I am comforted by the fact though that God forbid anything happened to him that I would be aware of it. As a professional driver (no not a race car driver) he spends all day out on the road making sure his passengers get from point A. to point B. safely. But what about him. In between rides and when he worked late into the night, many a night he has fallen asleep at a red light. How do I know? Facetime.

Maybe I’m a weirdo, but even if we are just sitting on the phone in silence, while he has me on his air pods and he is driving his passengers around I love it. It gives me a sense of security and comfort to be able to spend the time with him when permitted.

Every moment spent whether it is on the phone or in person is a blessing and I plan to cherish every single moment.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Is sex about constantly pushing the boundaries or playing by the rules?

Is sex about constantly pushing the boundaries or playing by the rules?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Is sex about constantly pushing the boundaries or playing by the rules?

Interesting question…both.

There must always be rules and as long as there is a clear understanding between both (or more) partners than go ahead and push those boundaries. Although I don’t think the boundaries need to be constantly pushed, I do think it’s fun to try out new things.

I can’t yet share to much info without speaking to my husband but we are planning on pushing the boundary a little bit. No, it is not a threesome, so honey please don’t get all excited lol. Threesomes are not for me, I’m too immature for that. I wrote a piece about it here if you would like to read about it.

But what I am willing to do is that thing we have been talking about for years. I’m usually game for anything as long as I’m comfortable with it. Like I said, I can’t really share to much about it beforehand but if he’s okay with it I will share the R rated details after.

The point of this piece though is yes to boundaries and rules. I have discussed the rules and conditions of what we will be embarking on and he seems to be okay with what I’m asking for. However, he sometimes does have a comment or remark he makes that makes me rethink the whole situation and yes it does make me uncomfortable.

On one hand I don’t know if he is saying such things so I will be the one to shut it down or if he is really planning on doing the things he says…thus now I have a assault charge (just kidding, no violence).

If your shy about how to approach your partner regarding boundaries just ease into it. For example if there is a particular sex act or position you may want to try you could simply ask or if you’re watching porn say “hey, that looks fun, wanna try”?

I know its easier said than done, but what’s the worse that can happen? Now go push some boundaries but also set some rules. I’m about to go harass my husband into something kinky🙃lol. Totally partially kidding.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Saying I Love You…

Saying I Love You…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I’m not going to lie and say I was Kobe’s biggest fan, I knew he played for “The Lakers” and that he cheated on his wife. She forgave him and the world was extremely judgmental about that, that and the giant purple diamond ring he gave her shortly after.

Yesterday morning as they kissed each other goodbye, I’m pretty sure that neither of them knew that would be the last time they would see each other. As a mother, I’m sure Vanessa Bryant saw her daughter growing up to be a successful basketball player, and perhaps becoming a wife and having children of her own someday.

Sadly, these things would never happen. I cannot stress enough the importance of saying “I love you” to those that you cherish. We honestly don’t know when we will take our last breaths and I wish I could use them to let those I love know.

This death has really weighed heavily on my heart. Like I said I’m not a basketball fan, but 1. I see how deeply this has affected those around me. and 2. there was a child involved. I can’t imagine this woman’s pain and the devastation she is feeling. I pray she has the strength to carry on to care for her other daughters.

Please, tell those you love that you love them, but not only tell them, show them daily as well. Live each day as if it is your last. Be brave and do that thing that scares you. Live your life without apologies or regrets.

Have you started to do something because of each other’s influence?

Have you started to do something because of each other’s influence?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

 Have you started to do something because of each other’s influence?

Yes, be late for everything lol! Just kidding, but no seriously, he has no conception of time and often is late for (every) things.

But lets focus on only the positive things…I’ve had a strained relationship with my parent’s. Like, I love being around them for a few hours but I often needed to have some sort of promise of inebriation and/or a bribe involved usually food and alcohol.

But since meeting H, I am learning to enjoy the time spent at my parent’s. I thoroughly enjoy watching him interact with them and the way he captivates my dad with his musical abilities. My mom has always been easy to please, but she genuinely enjoys his company and vice versa. I think he’s her biggest IG fan.

I think he enjoys her company more than he enjoys mine😑 lol. I know there might come a day that I will regret not having gone to visit more but I am thankful for the times that we do go now. Would I visit more if H wasn’t in my life? Probably not as I hardly visited before. But like I said, let’s just focus only on the positive.

Now go hug your parents.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

What was the best moment in your relationship so far? (Are you smiling while recalling that moment?)

What was the best moment in your relationship so far? (Are you smiling while recalling that moment?)

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

What was the best moment in your relationship so far? (Are you smiling while recalling that moment?)

Oh my God, just so many to tell so I really can’t pick “The Best”. So I’ll just run off a few family friendly memories that make me smile every time I think about them.

The first time he massaged my feet…it was love (at least for me): I spend a fair amount of time during my day in 3 inch heels. On this particular day, we were probably only dating for about 6 months or so, he had picked me up from work. Well, right there as he was driving me home he reached over and grabbed my leg. He pulled off my shoe and then my sock and just started massaging my foot as he was driving. I fell in instant love, it may not have been the safest thing to do but it definitely won my heart and he showed me his bravery (if you ever smelled my feet after a long day, you would know why).

The first time I met his son…I was so nervous and excited all at the same time. But it was a defining moment in our relationship. I felt honored, I don’t think any of his other girlfriend’s or ex-girlfriend’s have met the baby and it made me feel really special. I was nervous but the baby like me and we got along great!

On the day we got married…Before the ceremony, as my sister and nephew got out of the car, and I was taking a minute to adjust my make-up in the mirror he played one of my favorite songs. I had mentioned to him about a year ago that I wanted to dance to this song at our wedding. It’s a song that Bruno Mars had sang on an episode of “Jane The Virgin” when Jane & Michael got married. Well, needless to say I began to cry and there went my make-up. We didn’t have the big ceremony but in my opinion that was all I needed that day (well that and him). By playing that song he gave me the one thing I said I wanted at my wedding.

Undoubtedly there are countless moments I haven’t included. I could makeup a blog of those moments alone. These are just a few that I think of often. Every time he touches my feet and every time I look at a picture of his son.

I think about our wedding everyday, our wedding photos sit conveniently next to our tv and they remind of that beautiful day. I can’t help but smile and think about how happy I am and for what’s to come.

The beautiful thing is that we have been together for just a little over three years and have made so many beautiful memories so far…we have so many more years to go and many more “best moments” to make.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

When was the last time you said “I love you” to your partner?

When was the last time you said “I love you” to your partner?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

 When was the last time you said “I love you” to your partner?

About 15 minutes ago, and normally several times a day via text and every time before we (hang up) I guess the actual term would be end the call, because no one hangs up anymore. But yea, I’m really big on saying I love you as often as I can, which is why it pisses me off so much when we may have an argument and he just leaves/ends the call without saying it!

Like did you fall out of love with me in the last few minutes/hours? Highly doubtful, especially because our arguments are usually about insignificant people and events. So what gives?

I guess this is where he and I are different. Although we both know that tomorrow or even five minutes from now isn’t a given, we both approach this differently. If I should walk away from him and not say I love him I would feel terribly be guilty if God forbid something happened to him before I saw him again. I think he feels more like; eh…I’ll just make it up to her later. But what if there is no later?

Maybe he’s okay with that, but I’m not. So I will ” I love you” him to death even when I want to rip his head off.

Yes, this post was short…but hopefully sweet, hopefully sweet enough to inspire everyone to make sure you tell your SO/family members that you love them as often as you can.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Monday greetings

Monday greetings

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Today’s going to be a great Monday! Mind you, I wrote this on Saturday.

Some might think, its because I’m off today and you would be partially correct. But no I’m making a conscious decision to be happy and have the very best day ever!

I mean what’s not to be positive about? It’s Monday, the day for fresh starts (even though everyday is a chance for a fresh start, but Monday’s are special) my youngest turns 15 this week, I keep having a recurring dream my husband is reunited with my stepchildren and I have the overwhelming feeling of abundance coming into my life!

Perhaps it isn’t monetary and I hate when I can’t place the feeling but it definitely isn’t an abundance of bull💩. That I’m sure of.

It’s an amazing feeling when you feel at peace, with yourself and with those you surround yourself with. It can help you get through anything…even a soso Monday.

So for anyone that may need a little extra pep talk today. Get up, go out and be great!

Do you think past relationship secrets should always be kept hidden?

Do you think past relationship secrets should always be kept hidden?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Do you think past relationship secrets should always be kept hidden?

No, because these things always have a way of resurfacing. So I think it’s always best to discuss these things up front (maybe not on the first date) but still early enough into the relationship before feelings of attachment form or as soon as the opportunity arises, just in case the other person is unable to handle what ever it is you disclosed.

Not really sure what would be considered a “past relationship secret”, anything done in a previous relationship is your business. However, I do think there are some things that absolutely must be shared like if you have children from a previous relationship, S.T.I. status, are you married etc., anything that may have an impact on your new relationship.

When I first met H, there was quite a few things he kept hidden from me, things that had I known probably would have had an impact on our relationship.May be not have stopped it completely, but definitely stalled it. Was he right to keep it from me??? I have mixed emotions about this.

I found out 5 months into the relationship he had a 5 month old son. When I found out I was both relieved and upset. Relieved because that was the biggest caveat (at least for me) in our relationship. Being that he is 20 years younger than me, I felt it would be unfair that he would never have a child of his own if we became more serious. That’s where the relief came in…now he had his son. I didn’t have to worry anymore.

The reason I was upset is more complex, like…how were you able to keep this from me?? Okay great he has a baby, but what about the mother and their relationship? I know in the beginning he tried his best to juggle the two lives and keep the peace but she wanted to be more than just the mother of his child and he just needed time to to figure out what he really wanted. By the time I figured out what I really wanted, I was already in love with him and fell in love with the baby too. I would have walked away, but I became emotionally invested in him and his child.

Looking back now, I honestly don’t know how much this information would have changed my feelings for him. I fell in love with the baby , I always told him…if we break up you only lose me…I lose two people, him and his son. Should he have told me? Yes, but he didn’t and we can’t go back in time.

When I met him, I was still legally married but living a separate life from my husband and I was already seeing someone else. I was completely honest with him about everything. I didn’t find out until later that he too was living with someone else and of course their was the baby secret (two separate women). Then add the others that made themselves known to me. It was a lot to take in lol. A LOT.

At this later time in our relationship I can understand why he may have kept certain things a “secret“ to an extent. In the beginning of a relationship, when things are very new you may be hesitant to move on with someone new and give up what you’re comfortable with. Which is unfair to all parties involved, including yourself.

It really could have gone either way, but I saw something in him worth fighting for and weathering the sometimes self created storms.

Just be honest and upfront about anything that may seem important to your relationship. A good measure is to ask yourself if this is something YOU would like to know and YOUR reaction if you found out down the road.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Keep your Karma score card clean.

Keep your Karma score card clean.

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Always leave good karma! No matter what!

Maybe I’m wrong, but I like to make sure I leave good karma everywhere I go. I sprinkle that shit like it’s glitter. Even around places & people that may not deserve it.

Why, because I never want another person to be able to control my destiny with their actions. So you can treat me how you see fit and I’ll treat you the same as I always did.

Some people think I’m too nice and kind and I should be more of an asshole especially to those that deserve it. Trust me, I can but it never sits right in my soul. It’s like that saying “holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”.

So for anyone that wishes me ill, has done me wrong or has ever taken advantage of me…I wish you nothing but love and light because one day you will have your moment in the Karma sun ☀️. For anyone that has ever tried to cause me unnecessary pain, perhaps you should look more into your unhappiness that trying to block my happiness.

I truly believe that what you do comes back to you tenfold, so why on earth would you want to do anything that might block your own blessings? Don’t believe me? Clear your mind of all the negativity and remove those that do not wish you well. Pay attention to your vibrations, I like to be aware of my own heartbeat and focus on that when thinking about the thought’s I’m putting out as well as receiving.

I try my best to focus only on the good and spend very little time on the negative. It’s not always easy being the happiest person in the room but that’s me counting my blessings. I’m rich biatch (Dave Chapelle).

It cost zero DOLLARS to be kind….

It cost zero DOLLARS to be kind….

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

But sometimes I feel like it cost me my sanity and what do you do when you’ve had enough? Unfortunately for me that usually means explode to the wrong people.

I will always be very appreciative when anyone has shown me even the smallest of kindness. The world is full of cruelty and sheep’s in wolves clothing. Everyone has an ulterior motive…even me. But I would never be unkind or vindictive to get what I want.

So that’s why it’s so hard for me to understand when people change up on me without cause. Like, was it something I did ? I think I’m a pretty amazing person, I make sure the rent gets paid on time, make sure everything is tidy and try to be respectful of the property of those around me. So why, why, why must some act like monsters?

You’re probably lost, as I realize I probably have gotten ahead of myself. You see, all is not going well in Jailand. Noooo, its not my marriage, H and I are fine (well as fine as we can be under the circumstances). But we have a light at the end of the tunnel so this period of (I don’t even know what to call it) is just temporary.

So just to catch you up what’s been going on…it would appear our angels in disguise are in fact the opposite. Maybe not demons, but money definitely makes their world go round.

First it was a set price for the rent bi-weekly. They then charged us an additional 50$ for a building key , fine. We were in a jam and still very appreciative of the fact they opened their home to us. Then they raised the rent an additional $150 due to the increased “electricity” bill. Okay, not sure how that’s possible being we are at work all day but ok. Then 2 days before its due reneging the original agreement demanding the entire amount! To top it off, now they want an additional $20 per week to clean the bathroom?

It wasn’t bad enough were still in the living room with only some curtains for privacy? That someone keeps going into our area and touching, opening and eating our things? But now to pay so much more for less than we were promised? No.

I know we look well off but we’re not. I buy my clothes in “Rainbow” just like you, most of my jewelry were gifts, we scrimp and save and use Groupon to have date nights. And sometimes eat Ramen noodles for a week when we have to.

So please don’t ever think I’m unappreciative by refusing to just agree to everything. We simply don’t have it for what we’re receiving, please don’t ever think because I’m less fortunate than you that I’m unworthy of kindness and deserve whispers behind semi closed doors.

And I’ve no one I’ve got to prove myself to except the woman in the mirror. I…we…me and Him (H) have proved time and again we are more than capable of picking up the pieces and building an even stronger foundation.

So here’s to us my love 🥂, and on to the next journey that awaits us.

And I apologize to anyone I might explode and have a crazy tantrum on (Sorry to the lady in McDonald’s and to my husband) you were both “mostly” innocent bystanders.