Tag: Advice

Monday again

Monday again

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Trying to stay positive in this political climate has been a little rough for me lately, so much so that it’s affecting me emotionally, mentally and physically. I’m beginning to feel the symptoms of a phantom cold and a tiredness that just won’t leave my body no matter how much sleep I’m getting.

As a mother of a young man my heart is breaking thinking about a possible draft (regardless of how unlikely it may be). As a woman who has married a man in the military, I know what this could possibly mean, but it was a decision made long before I entered his life and I knew what I was getting myself into…It’s still going to keep me up at night.

But today is Monday, the day I like to use as a do over for most everything. So I’m trying my best to only think of the positive things going on in my life right now. I’m newly married, planning a celebration for next year is keeping my mind very busy in a positive way.

Tomorrow my son turns 24 and on the 24th my youngest daughter turns 15. Not sure where the time flew in life, but it’s getting away from me. But I am grateful for the little moments I get to enjoy them. It’s not quantity it’s about quality. Like I always tell my husband…3 minutes is better than no minutes.

I listened to our “Consciousness Evolution Journey” weekly horoscopes today and in all honesty it was so uplifting it actually gave me enough energy to get thorough the rest of the day. I’m a Gemini and he’s an Aquarius , and after hearing these 2 readings I just feel so much more at peace. Mine was definitely on point in regards to certain friendships that have ended and my being at peace with it. I feel his is on point as well, I might try to get him to listen to it.

For every negative there is always something positive and that’s how I usually get through each challenge. Always focus on the good, I’m sure H finds this extremely annoying but it’s my survival mechanism.

Yesterday, he noticed a change in me, my mood changed, it seemed to happen in a split second. Honestly I don’t know what was wrong with me except that I felt extremely sad and tired. But there was no usual anxiety so I’m not really sure what it was that I was experiencing…maybe I was extremely sad I was so tired?

This weather is getting to me to, just so damn tired of the cold. I need 90 degree weather, but on a happier note…only 8 more paychecks til warmer weather. See, the positive in everything.

I hope that everyone enjoyed their Monday and made the best of it!

When does a relationship become exclusive?

When does a relationship become exclusive?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

When does a relationship become exclusive?

I’d say; when you begin having unprotected sex, but I think it actually begins before this.

Some think exclusivity should begin during the talking phase but let’s face it, I don’t think that’s a realistic expectation, at least not in this day and age. Years ago it was a lot harder to talk to more than one person at a time (I’ll be damned if I try calling you for over an hour and get a continuous busy signal) and forget about photographic evidence, screenshots will have you dead in the water before you can even even bat an eye.

So somewhere after the talking phase but before the let’s lose the condoms stage something starts to happen, where you begin to think “hey, I really like this person and would like to see them more”. And that’s when exclusivity comes into play. I believe your head and your heart make the decision way before your other parts.

Once that happens it’s time to have “the talk”, you know the “what are we?” talk. It’s better to have the talk then to just assume the other person is on the same page as you…let alone reading the same book. But when is it to soon for that?

Again this is debatable in my opinion. I think most relationships (at least for me) have fallen into the exclusive category around the 3 month mark, some even sooner. In fact, I don’t really recall how H and I became exclusive…I think it was more like an unspoken understanding between us. Thank goodness we were both reading the same book. But I’m pretty sure it was around the 3 month mark.

It really is different for everyone because we all develop feelings at different rates and might have other situations we were involved in that might need sorting before we can move on. But I can safely say that I believe a good measure is when you begin to ditch the condoms/birth control.

I don’t think anything screams as loud as I WANNA ONLY BE WITH YOU as loudly as sharing bodily fluids and possibly creating a baby.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Just your average Thursday…

Just your average Thursday…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Sooooo this happened today….

Walking into 2020 like…..#Newlyweds♥️

Today H and I tied the knot, in a small intimate civil ceremony. One year to this date, on our anniversary we will have a larger celebration in front of our family and friends.

Today was about us♥️, a perfect ending to a wonderful Christmas 🎄. Life is full of bumpy roads, so glad I have my rock to stand beside me.

I love you king,🥂here’s to us and the roads ahead.

**Special thank you to my sister Cee for standing beside me and my Godson/Nephew Gee for being my ring bearer.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas…it’s back to work for tomorrow 😩 and hopefully back to regularly schedule blogging 😉.

If you breakup with your SO before the holidays should you still give them their gift?

If you breakup with your SO before the holidays should you still give them their gift?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

If you breakup with your SO before the holidays should you still give them their gift?

Yikes! I’m going with yes… but it also depends.

If we broke because he cheated I’d set that shit on fire🔥, he’s lucky I’m not burning his house down (just kidding, I don’t condone violence of any sort so please don’t burn anyone’s house down). So in this case No, I wouldn’t still give him the gift. If it was something that can be donated or sold and the money can be donated I would do that…at least this was something good can come out of the situation.

But if the breakup were amicable or over something very small and petty (which are little 2 day breakups usually are) yes, I would still give him the gift. In fact, in the past I have…on more than one occasion.

Funny now that I think about it, we usually do have some trouble right before the holidays or his birthday…which coincidentally is Valentines’s Day🤔lol. Two years ago, I had purchased a custom card with “The Office” theme. Even though we were broken up by the time the card arrived to me I still mailed it to him ahead of his birthday…funny thing is we had gotten back together by the time it arrived to his house. He loves the card, but hated that it was so simply written:

Happy Birthday,

J

We laugh about it now. The point is I still sent it even though I could have just tossed it in the trash and called it a day. The same thing happened in September, I had purchased him a St. Michael’s braided bracelet and it arrived during a time of uncertainty in our relationship. I still gave it to him, especially because it was bought out of love and I still wanted him to have it.

What I do not suggest doing is giving it to them with the intention of reopening any relationship windows. Especially if that isn’t were either of your hearts are. Don’t try to use the gift to try and woo them back, and this is only the case if you have already purchased it. I do not suggest going out to buy them anything.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Co-parenting and the holidays

Co-parenting and the holidays

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Co-parenting and the holidays

This is definitely a tough one. I feel like I got cheated out of Thanksgiving with my youngest because she was generally at the mercy of her dad who has custodial custody and drives her around, but I also realize that not everyone has the luxury have of being able to communicate with them.

When we separated, there really wasn’t any love lost between us. For several years after the marriage ended we continued to co-habituate under the same roof for the sake of the kids. But that can only last so long, so we eventually went our separate ways. My youngest daughter chose to live with him and even though it broke my heart I knew it was the best thing for her.

We don’t have an official holiday vising schedule set in place, and I feel like we definitely need one ASAP especially for next year. I mean you only get to see her EVERYDAY of the year, can I get a Christmas morning every other year? I don’t think its to much to ask for.

So what would be fair? Switching every other year just like I implemented when we were married. It’s not really that hard and trust me I know he will miss her. I certainly do but all is fair in civility and war.

I’m hoping she will be able to make it to my sister’s house for Christmas eve, I guess I will start harassing him now. We actually do get along now we have both moved on with our personal lives and our only connection is the children. Have we mastered this co-parenting thing? Hell No! but we are civil enough to each other and are trying our best.

For others, they aren’t this lucky and that is a terribly sad thing. When two people who were intimate enough to create a life but now can’t even stand each other enough to do what’s in the best interest of the child. I’d like to be naive and think that the warmth of the holiday seasons can warm up even the coldest of hearts..but reality sets in and reminds me that this is real life and not some Hallmark movie.

So what would I suggest to anyone that isn’t getting to spend the holidays with their child? It is in no way a substitution but make sure you spend it with people you love and make you feel loved. Don’t close yourself off to the world. Make sure you document the holiday in some way that is meaningful to you and them. Maybe it is an old tradition you shared and want to keep alive or a new tradition you hope to incorporate when you are finally reunited.

Most of all never give up hope that things will someday be different. That’s what I do. Hope, its the invisible gift that keeps giving me life.

Are you a single parent? How are you splitting the holidays this season?

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Let’s talk resolutions

Let’s talk resolutions

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Let’s talk resolutions

It’s that time of year again…when we think of all the things we’d like to change, start or do over in the new year. I’m infamous for this…I believe some of my last years resolutions were to learn to drive and learn Spanish…neither of which I have done and I doubt I’ll accomplish by tonight.

But are New Year’s Resolutions really necessary…I’m starting to think NO, for the simple fact that I never keep them…and I’m still standing. Am I going to make a few this year? Absolutely, it’s a tradition. So let’s go over the few I’m bound to make and break:

Always my number 1 resolution.

Go to the gym: I mean we are already paying for it, so may as well use it. This has to to be my all time most made and never kept resolution. And while it should be the most easiest (I mean it’s only an hour out of my day, but still so hard to squeeze in). So this year, here is to a more fit and healthier us🥂!

Learn Spanish (the language and to dance 💃🏻 ): This, you would think should be cake, I mean my dad is Hispanic, my husband is Hispanic…so what’s the issue here? I always feel self conscious when it comes to my Hispanic side. I have zero confidence in myself even if I know how to say something. And forget dancing, I feel like an idiot with two left feet with H, he danced competitively and makes me so nervous and uncomfortable. I mentioned that I wanted to take lessons with a professional but he axed that idea. So for now it’s just my two left feet and a ton of liquid courage for me.

Acquire another stamp on our passports✈: We have never traveled out of the country together. So I’m really excited to plan a trip, I’m thinking someplace warm.

Plan a wedding anniversary fit for a king: It’s no secret, I have been down the wedding aisle more than once. I’ve had both civil ceremonies and a grand party. But for H is this is his first and only marriage and I want him to have the wedding experience he deserves. So I’m making a resolution to make sure he has that.

The year has been a bit of a rocky one for me, I’ve learned a lot about myself over the past 12 months and had some scary (almost going to jail) and incredible (marrying the love of my life) moments. I have hope that 2020 is going to be OUR year. It’s a new beginning and a fresh start for us both. So here’s to a brand new year, it can only go up from here 🥂.

I wish everyone a happy and prosperous new year, see you in 2020.

Do you have any resolutions you are planning on making or breaking?

It’s the most fattening time of the year🍗🎄🎉…

It’s the most fattening time of the year🍗🎄🎉…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

It’s the most fattening time of the year🍗🎄🎉…. If you’re like me, this time of year is filled with a packed social calendar and nonstop snacking. Well my social calendar is a little dry these days…but the same cannot be said of the snacking.

So how do I combat the endless supply of treats that come through my job during the 12 days of Christmas? I don’t, which explains why my pants are not fitting properly and probably the reason my stomach hurts so much. The only thing that is really helpful is that a majority of the treats are chocolate which I don’t partake in or particularly enjoy (unless it’s Reeses peanut butter cups😋) but that doesn’t stop me from eating an entire cheese platter when they send one down.

Case in point, I just took a call from someone who is the executive admin to the owner of the company. She would like me to send someone up to grab some goodies for us. It’s not even 9:am and the food fest has just begun, you really can’t go hungry at this job during this time of year but honestly there is only so much sweets and treats you can eat before you feel ill🤮.

I hear this is the “good stuff”!
Yesterday’s contribution…the salami and cheese were delicious. Now I have my eye on the pepper and onion relish😋.
If I have to pick a chocolate…it’s white chocolate, because it isn’t as “rich” as dark.

This is actually a good time to start thinking about my New Year’s resolutions that I never keep. At the top of that list is always “the gym” which I’m definitely going to be needing but can never manage to get to even though I’ve been paying my monthly membership for years.

I always have this thought that the new year will bring me all good things including being healthier…it’s easy for me to forget that I have to actually work for that good health not just stuff my face and hope to be healthier. I always see the gym as this painful thing but I think having my mouth stapled shut would be even more painful.

The treats are delicious and I understand this is the way our company is showing appreciation to the staff and believe me it is very much appreciated I’m just being a brat about it and since we won’t be seeing any cheddar💰 bonuses bring on the cheese🧀platters.

Just Monday Stuff….

Just Monday Stuff….

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Monday again…and off to another bumpy start.Today I’m trying to remain as positive as can be but today seems more difficult for some reason.

I guess it’s partially because my brain has fast forwarded several weeks and I am already panicking about things that are further down the line, things that may never happen (good & bad).

Once again the weather is cold and gloomy and leaving a somber mood on my heart. Arguing with H is never fun, but I guess sometimes necessary? I mean how can we workout our differences if we pretend we don’t have any? Things always seem to smooth itself out very quickly and for that I’m grateful. But what about the in-between?

One of our biggest differences is that I could never walk away without kissing him goodbye and telling him I love him, even in my most furious state. You just never know when it will be someone’s last, and I would never want him to wonder if I still loved him. He on the other hand can.

I know it isn’t the end of the world but it certainly feels like it…yes, I am extra emotional lately. No, I don’t know how to turn it off. The holidays aren’t helping either. Shopping is just about done…but it just doesn’t feel the same this year.

A friend of mine’s “stepson” has passed away suddenly and it’s hitting kind of hard. I didn’t know him and he lived in another state but how does a 28 year old just suddenly pass away? Life…it’s short and highly unpredictable. Spend each day loving and cherishing the one’s in your life and peacefully letting go of those that no longer have a place.

Until tomorrow…

Meeting the family for the first time?

Meeting the family for the first time?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 4 Comments

Meeting the family for the first time?

Just be yourself. Unless you’re an A-hole, then be somebody else. Just kidding, always be yourself. Obviously the person you are with sees something special in you that’s important enough to bring you home to meet their family.

Meeting the family can be stressful, I think more so around the holidays. Usually there is a larger crowd to deal with as opposed to just a regular Sunday dinner. So it might be better to put it off until you can meet everyone in smaller doses . But if you can’t just relax and take it easy.

Bring something

He/she may say that bringing something is unnecessary, but trust me it is better to bring an unnecessary gift than to show up empty handed. A good bottle of wine, maybe a box of good quality chocolates or even some festive flowers. The smallest effort will be appreciated.

Dress appropriately

Aside from being clean, neat and appearing tidy make sure you are dressed to impress. I’m not talking a tuxedo or a ball gown, I’m talking about if you’re a guy leave the sweats and sneakers at the park, if your’re a woman make sure you are wearing something that doesn’t show your underwear if you bend over. Don’t get me wrong, you should always be able to express yourself and be comfortable in your clothes and no one should ever judge anyone based on their clothing but you will be.

Limit your alcohol intake

Loose lips sinks ships…and alcohol has a way of helping us behave in away that can be misconstrued. So until you become more familiar with the family I’d leave the shots for another time.

Offer to help

Even if they decline your offer, at least you tried. Offering to help shows you appreciate being invited into their home and that you are investing your time into the family gathering, not just there for your SO.

Interact with the family

If he/she has shared details with you about the family and they are present let them know. If he mentioned his sister just graduated high school, congratulate her and ask about future plans…his uncle just retired and is about to see the world…ask to tag along…just kidding, but you see where I’m going with this. It shows that he talks about his family and it shows that you care enough to listen.

Keep the PDA to a minimum

While you might want to tongue each other down and profess your love for each other or grab a quickie in the bathroom, its best to wait until you get home…or at least until you get to your car.

Go with the family flow

If the family is rambunctious and lively go ahead be lively too, you don’t want to seem like a prude or fuddy duddy or if they are more conservative I would suggest toning it down so you don’t appear like a character off of “Shameless” (my family is more like Shameless lol). Use your best judgment.

I remember when H met my family for the first time. It was a little awkward and uncomfortable for many reasons, but he basically fit right in. I feel like were “The Munsters” meets “Shameless” lol. And for this reason everyone fits in♥️.

I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting his family, I mean I have met his mother but I would like the opportunity to see her again while I’m fully clothed🤦🏻‍♀️.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you wish your ex a Happy Holiday?

Should you wish your ex a Happy Holiday?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

Should you wish your ex a Happy Holiday?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…unless it’s not.The holiday’s can be a stressful time of year for many different reasons. Maybe you are living in a new state and away from your family or having some financial difficulties. Or maybe it’s a recent breakup. A breakup sucks in general, but right before the holidays it could hurt a bit more.

So now what? Don’t allow being lonely to drive you back into the arms of someone that you are no longer with just because you don’t want to spend the holidays alone. It’s an easy trap to fall into.

The “hey, just wanted to wish you a ______ “is one of the oldest tricks in the book and one of the easiest relationship windows to re-enter. Yes, on occasion in the past I have wished my ex’s a Merry Christmas, Happy Easter etc…. But that was because we all still hung out in the same circles and since the relationships ended amicably we remained friendly, and I was also friendlyish with their wives/ girlfriends.

So for me it was nothing more than a friendly holiday salutation. But what if it’s deeper than that. I know someone who still had her ex accompany her to family functions for two years after the breakup because she didn’t want her family to know. They always wound up getting back together…but then once the warmth of the holiday’s were over so was the warmth between them…until next year.

I get it, spending the holidays alone can be tough. I never knew what I was missing until recently. I have dated since separating from Cee but never thought anyone deserved to meet my family (that could be taken either way lol). Until H, this will be the second year he will spend the holidays with my family and he fits right in with us. Would I want him to wish his ex’s a Merry Christmas …hell fucking NO! He can however send them a lovely Christmas card of us♥️.

If you really feel a connection to your ex, I would put off any contact until after the holidays, this way you will know for sure whether or not you truly just want to wish them well or reconnect. After the holidays have passed you might feel a whole different way. I almost guarantee it.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com