Tag: Advice

Monday Madness

Monday Madness

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Monday madness + zero sleep + uncontrollable anxiety =A very cranky woman.

It’s Monday, the day of the week I usually reserve for new beginnings and fresh starts…the opportunity to let go of whatever might have happened the week before. But sometimes it isn’t that easy to let go.

I hate when old anxieties rear it’s ugly little head. Today is one of those days where I have little control over my emotions, not having slept doesn’t really help, neither does the weather.

I know that most of my fears lives within my own head, you would think that would be the easy part, but it isn’t. I can still find some way to manifest it all into my own little reality.

H has been great, kind and patient with me♥️. But even that causes my heart to go into high alert. Why do I have to be so jaded? Not every act of kindness is designed to pull the wool over my eyes, that I want to close so badly right now and finally get some sleep.

Anxiety, it won’t win today. I don’t want to give up any of my energy today, so instead I’ll focus only on things I can change. Like getting through that pile of mail on my desk or trying to find a cheesecake recipe that doesn’t require a mixer.

Monday’s are for new beginnings, but Tuesday’s bring us closer to the weekend. One day closer to everything I ever wanted.

Should you attend your holiday office party without your SO?

Should you attend your holiday office party without your SO?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Should you attend your holiday office party without your SO?

Is there a reason you’re excluding them? Understandably to keep cost down, some companies might not allow you to bring your SO. In this case to be respectful to H, I would make a quick run through, make sure all of the important people have seen me and then make my exit. Unless of course he is working or other wise busy, then I would stay longer. Point being, I would never want him to feel excluded. Would he do the same for me? Not really sure, but I would hope so.

I’ve been to many an office party and while I feel they are great fun and good for team camaraderie, anytime you add alcohol to the mix it can be a dangerous and thin line. Yes, I always drink too much but have always behaved myself. The same cannot be said of others.

In 2012, my company held a large Holiday party at our headquarters. The entire staff from every site was invited and although I hung out mostly with my team it was also supposed to be a great networking event. Well the alcohol was flowing and one of my former coworkers became a little handsy (we’ll call him R) and one of my other former coworkers (we’ll call him F) became really concerned.

So much that he accompanied me home on the train even though I was going in the opposite direction he was. All because R was going the same way and he wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to try anything further. R didn’t show up to work the next day and when he did return he apologized.

I’ve also witnessed firsthand some of the behavior that takes place at these parties. According to Emotional Affair Journey it’s like a “hot bed for infidelity”, I asked one of my former coworkers if she was bringing her husband to the company party, her response…”Would you bring sand to the beach?” I’m guessing that means no? lol. I’m not trying to be a Grinch and steal your holiday fun, if you’re single, do you! Although I wouldn’t advise shitting where you eat! Been there done that. Not as fun as everyone thinks, unless you like awkward situations.

Don’t get me wrong, not every party ends in drunken debauchery if you do wind up going alone just ask yourself is this how I want ____ to behave? If you decide to stay home here is two fun options to liven up your evening:

  1. If you have never watched “The Office” what are you waiting for??? Start watching! If you have, catch up on all of the Christmas episodes by using this handy guide from People and Mindy Aka Kelly Kapoor.
  2. Get a Santa hat and put it on the corner of the T.V.. Every time someone appears to be wearing it…take a shot of your favorite alcohol.

Snuggling and stuff with your love is also another great way to spend the evening. Holiday parties are fun, but there is nothing like spending time with the one you love…Corny, maybe. But I’m still in the honeymoon phase sooo Sssshhh.

Whatever you do make sure your safe. Please drink responsibly and DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE!

Also I think it’s extremely important to add when I say drink responsibly I’m also talking about being mindful of your actions. Alcohol aka liquid courage might help you get up the nerve to speak to someone you normally wouldn’t or say things more aggressively and make the other person uncomfortable. So maybe save the flirting for the watercolor and not the office party.

If you’re on the receiving end of unwanted advances I know it can be easy to want to chalk it up to the other person just being drunk and not really meaning anything by it. If it makes you uncomfortable say something. Alcohol should not be an excuse for bad behavior.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Splitting holiday time fairly

Splitting holiday time fairly

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

When you first begin a relationship, deciding where to spend the holidays can be a little tricky. Even more so when you both come from families that have strong traditions.

During my first marriage it was pretty easy to navigate the holidays. My family never really celebrated Thanksgiving, I mean we had a big meal, my parents made pernil and Chinese fried rice (I’m half Chinese) but they never made a turkey (until I instilled that tradition) so spending Thanksgiving with his family was a given. I’m also half Hispanic so our Christmas celebration is celebrated on Christmas eve. His family was Italian/ Irish so they always held their get together on Christmas Day. Win win for everyone.

What I also appreciated with this arrangement was the joys of Christmas mornings, especially when I had my first born. As I mentioned my family celebrated Christmas eve so what that basically meant was we waited until midnight to open our presents and then that was it…it was over. But now, I had the opportunity to give my children both my family’s tradition while creating a new one. I mean how else was I going to explain Santa to them. I think my parents lied and said he came to Hispanic homes first 🤷🏻‍♀️lol.

With my second marriage it was a whole other story. We both had similar backgrounds so for years, his family always got Thanksgiving day and I hosted my family the Saturday after where I served them delicious turkey and Chinese fried rice. The same went for Christmas, his family got Christmas eve and I got to visit my family Christmas Day. I eventually had to put my foot down and actually drew up a contract stating going forward we were alternating holidays with our families. He agreed. A year later his family moved out of state. Win for me.

Now that I am older and my children are creating their own traditions and spending time with their SO families I do get a little sad this time of year. I never wanted to be that demanding mom that guilted her children to surround her during every holiday like she was the Queen lol. No, I am not bitter, it’s what I used to stay as I stamped my feet to get ready to go to hell I mean his mother’s (just kidding). And I am definitely not that mom and I hope my kids can appreciate that.

So yes, I’m ready to create some new traditions for me and H. He has spent the last two Thanksgivings with my family…so next year I’m ready to be fair and visit with his. I was really hoping to go away for Christmas this year but didn’t really put enough thought into planning it, so maybe next year we can get away for a bit. This year the anticipated itinerary is: stopping by his family’s house before we head over to mine where we will finish out our night and open our secret Santa gifts…I wonder who got me????

So the best advice I can give is; make sure you talk to each other and make sure you’re being fair. Don’t be afraid to start your own traditions and above all, wherever and however you choose to spend it make sure it’s with people you love.

So where are you spending Christmas?

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas, birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas, birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas,birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

I’m going with YES!…well as long as neither parent objects.

The children have done nothing to you and probably had nothing to do with the relationship ending. So why should they suffer because the relationship ended?

H has two small children and I formed a bond with one of them. Every holiday I send them a little something on behalf of us in the name of e.g. Halloween candy from The Great Pumpkin, Easter baskets from The Easter Bunny, Valentine’s Candy from The Great Heart… it’s little traditions I began when my own children were babies that I’d like to carry on.

H doesn’t really have a relationship with my children. My youngest is 14 and they never had the chance to form a bond. So in that case it would not be expected and totally understood if they had no further contact if our relationship ended.

Obviously above all, the parent’s wishes must be respected. If your ex SO or the child’s mother/father is uncomfortable with you giving their child/children gifts after the relationship is over then as much as it may hurt, you must stop.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Tis the season…

Tis the season…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Thanksgiving is over…Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, you’re up!

This time of year can be stressful no matter what you’re beliefs are or how you celebrate. So let’s keep it light and fun, and remember it’s about family more than it’s about gifts.

If you’re like me, you like to receive gifts…and if your even more like me it means you like to give them more than to receive them (H if you happen to be reading this, I still want the air fryer lol), which often means I’m trying to figure how many kidney’s I’ll have to sell in order to get everyone something. Well at least the old me thought that way.

Since my children are mostly grown now, Christmas no longer has the urgency it once did. You know the one where you lie to keep up the facade of Santa being real and try to get everything on their wish list because after all Santa can give you everything as long as you are a good boy/girl! Thank God they never asked for a pony!

Gifts should really come more from the heart and less from the wallet. I know gifts cost money, but I think some of the coolest gifts I have ever given have been ones that I made. I used to be heavily into photography and it was always such a warmth in my heart to give someone a photo I have taken. Sometimes if I could I would buy a frame too or even make one.

Another way to keep cost down and still be in the Christmas giving spirit, is to have a Secret Santa drawing. This is a good way for all of the adults in the family (near or far) to exchange gifts. Agree on a price limit and set up a gift exchange on Elfster. I’m in charge of our family’s Secret Santa this year…wish me luck lol.

If you are going to visit someone’s home for the holidays you can always bring a “host gift” IMO it covers everyone in the house (except the kids). It can be good bottle of wine or homemade Dominican Ponche or Puerto Rican Coquito all are delicious inexpensive choices.

How do you celebrate the upcoming holidays? Please share with me sone of your traditions.

Happy Thanksgiving🍁🦃🍽

Happy Thanksgiving🍁🦃🍽

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

How was your thanksgiving? We celebrated Thanksgiving with my family and even though we’re all a little kooky, at the end of the day we still have each other. As usual it was an amazing time filled with tons of laughter (egg roll?) and love♥️.

The holidays are not a festive and happy time for everyone. There are some people that really struggle with this time of year whether it’s financial reasons or they may not have any family close by and feel alone. We may be so caught up in our own lives we may not even notice.

If you know someone who is going through an especially hard time please check up on them. They may feel as if they don’t want to burden you. Let them know it’s okay. If you can, maybe include them in your holiday plans or even just something as simple as a phone call or text to let them know you’re thinking about them.

I hope your thanksgiving was filled with good food and the love of family and friends and you gobbled til you wobbled. Til Monday friends.

Thanksgiving Eve

Thanksgiving Eve

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and with everything that’s going on in the world it can be easy to just focus on the bad things and forget the things we are thankful for. So, not just today, but everyday just take a few moments to be thankful. Here are some of the things I am thankful for; I hope you will share yours too.

I’m always thankful when I have been given another day of life. It’s easy to wake up in a rotten mood, but you woke up, not everyone will get that chance today. So, enjoy it, be thankful and repeat.

I’m thankful for all the people I have met in my life, the good as well as the bad. It’s theses experiences that have made me who I am today and I am stronger because of it.

I’m thankful for my beautiful children. Our relationship is far from perfect but that’s okay.

I’m thankful for my family, they might be crazy but they are mine.

I’m thankful for my fiance, we have been through so much together, and I can’t wait to begin our lives together as husband & wife.

The list could go on and on. But the bottom line is tomorrow is never promised so begin each day with a grateful heart and an open mind. Be kind to others.

I hope everyone has a fabulous Thanksgiving eve, I won’t be cooking my traditional “Chinese Fried Rice” this year but instead will be snuggling with my love watching “The Irishman” on Netflix.

Fun Thanksgiving eve fact; Thanksgiving eve is one of the biggest party/bar nights of the year…some have said rivaling New Years Eve. I have NEVER EVER been able to partake because I was always home cooking a ginormous feast. Well now it’s just the two of us and (hint, hint babe) I wouldn’t totally object if you took me out to party tonight lol.

However you spend tonight, tomorrow and everyday just make sure you are spending it with those you love!

Happy Thanksgiving Eve

It’s Time For You To Heal

It’s Time For You To Heal

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

Today I want to talk a little bit about healing ourselves and understanding that if someone, regardless of who they are hurts you…it’s okay to let them go. I mean that, coming to you as a parent and a child, as a friend and as a sibling…it’s okay.

The holidays are coming, and this is usually the time of year where we get together with our families and loved ones. And for most of us it’s a grand old time filled with love, laughter and cheer, but what if your relationships with your family/friends has been less than perfect? Now I’m not talking about relationships where you didn’t get the latest Jordan’s or had to eat ramen noodle soups 3 out of the 7 days of the week. I’m talking about downright abusive and toxic relationships. I’m here to let you know it’s okay to let them go.

I hate when people say things like “but that’s your mom or that’s your dad” like that’s supposed to be some super excuse for forgiveness. It isn’t. Wrong is wrong and it’s sad that we are conditioned to believe we MUST forgive someone because we share the same blood.

Be loving to yourself, and do it guilt free by cutting those energetic cords and healing yourself and letting them go. There is no law that says we must allow people to treat us badly, regardless of who they are. So why do we continue to do this?

This can be said with relationships with a S/O, a friendship, a sibling or a parent or even one of your kids. I’m not able to cover toxic relationships specifics, our relationships are very personal to each one of us. How they are conducted how they make us happy, how deep the wounds are and everything in between. Even different members of the same family can be affected differently by the same circumstances.  I can only tell you I have been hurt and what I’m doing to heal and up until recently I didn’t know energetic cord cutting is an actual thing.

Sometimes you might just need to partially cut the cord to maintain a healthy boundary. Sometimes it might need to be a complete cut, only you can decide. I’ve used both techniques and it has freed me from many relationships and has opened my eyes to many negative people and things going on around me.

I once had to cut partial cords with my children, and this was done out of immense love for them. We were going through some things at the time that was rough on them, and they seemingly cut ties with me. I just very gently wished them peace and love and gave them some much needed space to heal from ME. We eventually have healed and are on better terms now. I think we both have a better understanding of each other, but still have a way to go.

I have done the same with my parents and certain friends. I wish them to heal and all good things, but in order to keep my sanity I have to keep my distance and limit interactions to holidays etc. For a long time, I felt guilty for this but now I realize it’s a necessity.

The only time I have ever practiced complete cuts is in regards to ex S/O’s. I wish them all well. For the most part the relationships ended fairly mutual with little to zero animosity. So why a complete cut? Although the relationship was over and we went our separate ways, I didn’t see the need to continually be emotionally connected in each other’s lives…and that’s okay.

This website has a piece on “How to cut an unhealthy bond with someone” and one of my favorite YouTuber’s, Leeor Alexandra has a video that walks you through healing energetic cords for anyone in your life you may need to heal from/with.

From whoever it may be, I pray you get to heal as you deserve. And remember, no one regardless of who they are is entitled to treat you badly.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Have you ever declined to date someone because of their appearance?

Have you ever declined to date someone because of their appearance?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Have you ever declined to date someone because of their appearance?

Yes, unfortunately I used to be very shallow. I didn’t really care what you did for a living or how much money you had, my biggest thing was you had to be tall.

I realize now how foolish I was to have been that way, and I can’t even blame it on being young because I was this way up until very recently.

Partly it was because I was afraid of what my friends might think. When I was in my early twenties, I began to date someone I thought was very heavy, I even warned my friends that he was not my usual type of guy because I didn’t want them to be shocked and make fun of me.

Well, I felt like a total dick because they did make fun of me (not because of him, but because of me being a shallow A-hole). And the joke was on me…I wound up marrying him and having two beautiful children. Now I realize how stupid I was.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only time I acted like a mean girl P.O.S. (piece of shit). As recent as four years ago I still behaved this way. I was active on a dating app and even though I had nice conversations with some guys and I was attracted to their pictures, once I found out how tall they were I was immediately turned off.

I can’t even begin to give an excuse for this behavior, and I am so embarrassed to even admit that I behaved this way. I used to make the excuse that I was loud mouth brat and that I needed someone tall to protect me and keep me safe. But I learned that tall isn’t necessarily strong and being short doesn’t make you weak.

Once again, the universe has taught me a lesson by bringing H into my life. By this time, I was still a little on my “high horse” but there was something about him that I liked and it caught my attention. He had a lot going against him, he isn’t 6 foot tall and he is 20 years younger than me (yes, my friends still tease me about that) he had never been married and he wanted children.

So in a sense I felt the tables had been turned a little bit. He would have every right to not want to pursue me due to my advanced age. Lucky for me he liked my old ass as much as I liked his (this is the part he would say he liked me a lot and I didn’t like him at all) and we would have much bigger challenges to deal with than who is short and who is old.

At this point I’d like to add that I am under 5 feet and a lot a bit of pudgy and it would not be fair if someone were to judge me based on my appearance. But I would deserve it. I have done a lot of growing up over the years and now I see how wrong it was to judge someone based on their appearance. It’s okay, we all have a preference, but it shouldn’t be based on something as superficial as height.

Hi my name is Jai and I am a former A-hole.


What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Would you stop dating someone if your friend’s didn’t like them?

Would you stop dating someone if your friend’s didn’t like them?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Would you stop dating someone if your friend’s didn’t like them?

Hell MF NO! During our dating years there is bound to be some strife at some point between your significant other and your family friends. If this has never happened to you, consider yourself lucky! If it has, never let it interfere with your relationship.

I’ll admit over the years there may have been a person or two or three that I have disliked that was dating one of my family members or friends. It might have been for good reasons (at least to me) and although I can’t remember what was said I’m pretty sure I voiced my opinion. But that’s all it was meant to be…MY opinion.

They continued to date or communicate with the person and that’s on them. I only know what they tell me or I have observed with my own eyes and sometimes even that can be deceiving. Eye and ear hustling can be dangerous, if you aren’t part of the conversation mind ya business.

Same should be said for me. If one of my friends or family members are not thrilled with my choice of partners, that’s okay no one said you have to like them, but you are not the one dating them. So again, mind ya business.

It’s very easy for someone on the outside looking in to have an opinion about your life, but it is your life.

My BFF had something to say about most of my boyfriends. It never really bothered me because her perception of the situations and the reality of it were usually way off base, and I quite honestly had no desire to clear things up. Was I wrong? Maybe, but at the end of the day it’s my relationship/my business.

I guess with this I also learned to be careful with what I share with my friends and family. I no longer vent to them when H and I are having a tiff, because more often than not it is extremely short lived (it last for maybe a day or two, max) and I don’t want them forming opinions based on a moment of things said out of anger.

Bottom line; does he/she make YOU happy? Are they providing YOU with the things YOU require? Not just monetary things, helping to pay bills is great but I’m talking about things like love, emotional and physical support? All your needs are met are you grinning from ear to ear more than you’re crying? Good do you!

I know not every relationship is sunshine all the time, some relationships really are toxic and abusive and we might turn a blind eye to it believing it is love and if you are in one of these unhealthy relationships I would urge you to seek help. Be honest with yourself. Are the concerns your friend or family member have valid ones? Try to see things from their perspective too. It’s only fair. But remember it’s ultimately up to you to decide.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com