Tag: Advice

Do you think opposites attract?

Do you think opposites attract?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Do you think opposites attract?

Yes absolutely, but as with any relationship it takes work! But is this enough to build a relationship? I think so, but it also depends on how broad the differences are and how much your willing to make it work.

I’m bright and bubbly and H is the opposite of that, now I’m not saying he’s Mr. Grumpy 24/7. But we have just enough of a difference that we complement each other well.

I’m sunshine all the time and sometimes he’s a rainy day but together we make a beautiful rainbow. But not every difference and relationship is this easy and trust me there are days we create chaos and tornadoes.

It usually boils down to our difference in personalities, at the end of the day I believe we still share the same core values and that’s what we build our foundation on. The fact that we have different beliefs I think is what makes us strong.

For example; religion: I’ve just learned that I am what’s called an a la carte Catholic. I was baptized as a baby, I believe in God, Jesus and the Holy spirit, but I don’t find it necessary to attend church and I challenge some the churches teachings. He is an atheist, but that’s not to say he doesn’t believe in a higher being (although I have heard him praying to God on more than one occasion).

Could I love him even he believed in nothing? Of course I could, he’s allowed to believe in whatever gives him faith.

But what about other differences, like sex drives or education or career paths? Honestly, I swear I am not some sort of sex addict, but I believe that is one of the major opposites that are hard to overlook.

Sex, you either love it or you don’t and if you and your partner have different views on this it can be hard to overcome…and unfortunately might be used as an excuse for infidelity. Is it right, HELL NO but you can’t force or coerce someone to do things that they are not comfortable with. So in in this case I think it’s best to find someone whose views and tastes are more like yours.

IMO education and career paths are much easier to adapt to. I wouldn’t say that H and I are totally opposites in this department but not the same either. I’m white collar and he’s blue (actually, he can pretty much wear any collar he chooses), we both have some college, and both have plans to return someday. This bit of difference is one of our strong points, we encourage each other to do better and try to playfully outdo each other’s income which is a win-win for us both (currently I believe we are making the same…time to one up him).

Whatever the opposites are though, it’s up to you to and your partner to decide if they are worth the storms.  â€śIt has been said that the happiest couples never have the same character—they just have the best understanding of their differences. -The Internet”

If you’re interested here is a personality test to see if you and your partner are compatible.

Here is some information on different personality types and relationships.

These are just for fun and informational purposes.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

How do you combat your anxiety…what are steps you take to lower or try to eliminate it..besides just brushing it off? What has worked for you and what hasn’t?

How do you combat your anxiety…what are steps you take to lower or try to eliminate it..besides just brushing it off? What has worked for you and what hasn’t?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

How do you combat your anxiety…what are steps you take to lower or try to eliminate it..besides just brushing it off? What has worked for you and what hasn’t?

Spcperez Jr. Bronx, New York

Great question, while there are many methods I use to combat it (some healthy others not so much) the one thing I know for sure that DOES NOT work is holding it inside and not finding someway to express it either by speaking to someone or blogging abut it.

I can’t always tell when it is about to begin, sometimes it happens when life is seemingly perfect and I will wake up with full blown anxiety or it will be a series of small things. Trying to learn and identify the triggers is key to eliminating it.

Unfortunately, just being happy seems to be my biggest trigger. I don’t know at which point it was in my life that I believed that I didn’t deserve happiness but now it seems to go hand in hand with anxiety. It’s like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Which is a horrible way to feel because everyone deserves to be happy and in love. So why not me?

I think that’s why I always chose relationships that were in appropriate, because I never expected them to last anyway and why should I? I was conditioned to believe I was unworthy. So it was really hard (and sometimes it still is) when I finally met someone that is real and for keeps. Someone that could love me with my clothes on and laughs at my corny jokes.

Having anxiety means I spend quite a bit of time on high alert and I swear, in all honesty I’m not always looking for a fight or looking for reasons to leave him or catch him doing something. Honestly I swear I’m not.It’s not that I want to be unfaithful so I think he is. That’s not what it is. It’s that part of me that still feels so unworthy. It’s that little voice that tries to convince me he’s just trying to trick me so he can break my heart.

My anxiety isn’t always relationship based, sometimes I worry about my station in life and my lack of accomplishments. I forget to take into consideration that I spent many years as a housewife and mother and I was pretty damn good at it….at least the mothering part, which then leads into anxiety about whether my children think I was a good mother…which I really hope they do because I really did try my best.

So what do I do when this happens? Since I can never place the source and it normally last for a few days, I usually just tell him I’m feeling anxious. What I’m really silently asking for is just to be more patient with me and I might need to be held a little tighter. I might act out and say crazy things. I’m just trying to say I need him.

What are some of the other ways I handle anxiety? A glass of wine never hurts, sometimes it’s the whole bottle (I did say I had some unhealthy coping mechanisms) or sometimes if I’m alone I roll myself up like a burrito and cry for days or until I feel better. It just takes some time to pass and a major pep talk with myself.

I just have to keep reminding myself that not everyone is not out to get me. That I’m worthy to be loved. That no matter what I always tried my best. I have to remember that not everyone is the same and H isn’t like the men from my past and that it’s unfair to make him pay for what I/they have done.

It’s hard, but I also have to remember that my children are mostly adults and they are allowed to feel any way they want about me (I’m not that thrilled with my parents) and we are not some T.V. sitcom family and had to deal with real life issues.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

It’s still a Great Monday Morning…

It’s still a Great Monday Morning…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

It’s still a Great Monday Morning…

Even though when I woke up this morning, my brain was on fire with anxiety…I don’t know why it always seems to happen this way. For me & H, things are finally settling down and we are getting back on financial track. We are making plans for our future and it all seems to be nothing but up from here. I had a wonderful time at my sister’s house yesterday for a girls brunch.On the work front, although our contract signing seems to be moving at a snails pace it is slowly but surely moving.

I don’t really want to dwell on the what if’s and the maybe’s so I refuse to let it get the best of me. So what is my action plan for today?

I insist on having a good Monday morning. Even if the damn train held me hostage for just under 2 hours.It’s still going to be a great day. Even though I miss H and our little breakfast Jai’nanigans at my job, he’s at work and finally on his own route. Even though it’s a little crazy at my job this morning, I’m grateful to have one.

The weather is cold damp and dreary and my coat is broken, but that’s okay. I’m a furnace and running super hot these days, so hot H has even made a song for me called “Why’s your hand so hot” sang to the tune of Law & Order: SVU’s theme song. Thinking of that alone just made my morning better by a hundred times.

So yeah life is far from perfect, I was pretty miserable standing on the hot packed train like a sardine for almost 2 hours. If you know me personally you know I do not handle crowds or heat or waiting well, especially in a state of high anxiety…it was a recipe for disaster. So instead of dwelling on the bad, I decided that it was still going to be a great Monday, and anxiety was just going to have to wait until another day to rear it’s ugly head.

It’s Monday, for some of us it’s the first day of our week, for others it might be our day off. Whichever one it is for you, go and make it great! No excuses!

P.S. Dear Anxiety, tomorrow isn’t a good day either!

How do you recover from failure?

How do you recover from failure?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

How do you recover from failure?

I am my biggest critic, and will beat myself up hard when it comes to things I think might have failed at. I’ve been sitting here for most of the day thinking about all of my failures, trying to remember how I overcame them, but I think true failure is failure to even try.

I like to joke that I had 2 failed marriages…but at the end of the day I had 3 intelligent & beautiful children as a result of it. So what was the real failure? That we didn’t try harder to make it work? I think knowing when it was time to walk away was the real win.

Have there been other instances in my life that could be viewed as failures? Of course there has, like that time I applied for that job to become the executive assistant to the CEO of my company, or the FIRST time I asked to be considered for my current position. I got neither position and both times it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I was so butt hurt at first, but in the end I realized it wasn’t my time to shine also the CEO left the company and the position became defunct…so another win for me. These experiences taught me patience.

I’ve learned from every failure how to pick myself up and make myself stronger. After berating myself and picking myself apart each time I’ve built myself into a better woman.

So how did I recover?

By realizing that failure is actually part of the growth process.Failure has helped to get me out of my comfort zone.

Experience…how do you gain experience? You try…and sometimes you fail, but from every time you fail you should be learning from your mistakes. Which I mostly have.

Failure has also taught me resilience & perseverance, after I throw my pity party my bounce back is what saves me every time. That and my positive attitude. Through everything and everyone I always try to keep a positive attitude and see the goodness and find a better way to approach the job, person situation.

If you want to be successful you have to understand success and failure go hand in hand. And if you don’t succeed the first time get back out there and keep trying until you get the results you want.

This goes for every aspect of life. Remember “the only true failure lies in failure to start.”

Harold Blake Walker

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you share your body count?

Should you share your body count?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 6 Comments

Should you share your body count?

No, I think sharing this information is unnecessary information and unfortunately can cause some judgmental side eye. The only information that should be disclosed is your S.T.I status and your current relationship status e.g. do you have kids, live with someone, are you single single or social media single?

This I believe goes for both men and women. Naturally, when you begin a relationship you share things from past relationships. But I don’t think you have to give a specific number of sexual partners. Besides, I’ve already done the math in my head.

Maybe I am being presumptuous, but I automatically assume if you have been seeing someone for more than 3 months (and that’s me being generous) have definitely bumped fuzzy’s. My only concern would be…Did you always use protection?

The only person this number should matter to is YOU. Having a high body count doesn’t automatically mean a person is promiscuous and even if they were, it doesn’t make them a bad person. If someone decides not to continue dating you due to your number…their loss. And if you decide not to date someone based on their number…shame on you. Get to know them before jumping to conclusions.

I think knowing or revealing your number can create insecurities too. No matter how much they say they want to know, trust me they don’t really want to know. If you have an active imagination like me it just became an orgy of body parts in my head and now I have a stomachache 🤮.

Admittedly, I’m not that thrilled with H’s body count (I did the math in my head) and I’m pretty damn sure he isn’t thrilled with mine (I’ve been fuzzy bumping before he was even a twinkle in his parent’s eyes). We have never asked each other for specific numbers (although I suspect they are high on both our parts) but we have discussed past partners that were part of significant stages of our lives.

Sex is a natural part of life and we should never be shamed for our experiences. It’s our bodies and we should can basically share them with whoever we want to. Just be safe about it.


What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

When is it okay to cheat?

When is it okay to cheat?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

When is it okay to cheat?

Bronx, New York

How is this even a question? but okay…

NEVER! Cheating is a selfish act and I say this as person who has been on both sides of this. No relationship is perfect, it takes a lot of work from both sides and if you aren’t willing to put in the work then you have should not be in a relationship in the first place.

There are many excuses for cheating, yes excuses. IMO there is no real good reason to do so. If you can think of one please feel free to comment below. But since this is the topic for the day lets go over some of the excuses that are commonly used.

**Please note: I use YOU as a pronoun and is not directed to a specific person, place or entity unless otherwise noted.

He/she hasn’t had sex with me in x amount of time, they never touch me anymore or make me feel loved, desired or sexy so I’m just going to get it from someone else. Have you taken the time to ask your partner if everything is okay? How are they feeling? It may be their health, physical or mental. Some times it could be something that your partner is dealing with internally and it is being projected on to you and the relationship. They may be dealing with some heavy stuff and don’t want to burden you with the details until they have all the information and it trickled it’s way into the romance.

Is this distance a new thing or have they always been this way? If this a behavior they have always displayed, talk to them. They may have suffered trauma from a previous relationship and feel like they are unable or worthy of showing love. If this is something new it might be more like the above mentioned. Either way COMMUNICATE with your SO before making a life changing decision like cheating.

He/she accuses me of doing it anyway, so might as well. Ahhh my all time favorite excuse. This is what ex-husband number 1 tried to use as his reasoning for cheating. Why did I accuse him of cheating? Let me count the ways; 1. I think the major reason was that he was inexperienced with women, I always felt he would wind up needing to “Sow his wild oats” and live a little before truly being able to settle down with one woman. 2. He was never home, barely held a job, we had a brand new baby and all he wanted to do was be in the park. Not that big a deal some might say, but that is where he met the girl he cheated with…so maybe a big deal after all?

Now I know I spent some time “accusing” H of cheating and he has accused me as well in not so many words and we have both done some questionable things or allowed outside forces to put doubts in our minds against each other and it sucks. It caused us to lose precious amounts of time together and it all could have ended really badly. Thankfully we were able to communicate with each other our fears/doubts. Communicate. Something that Tee and I we’re unable to do so many moons ago. So accusations it is, but he said I made him do it…I didn’t know I was that powerful.

If you don’t do (a certain sex act, make me food or anything I say) I’m just going to find someone who will! I’m pretty sure during the dating process you find out the other person’s likes and dislikes and their sexual sexcapades they are willing to participate in. If you like oral sex now is a good time to learn if the other person does not like giving it? If they don’t is that a deal breaker for you? If yes, do not pass go! Do they like to cook, can they cook, are they willing to learn your favorite meals? IMO dating is the audition for the role you want to play for life (marriage) and this is usually where we are all on our best behavior showing off and showing out. If they aren’t doing for you the things you require during the dating process what makes you believe they will change down the road? So no this is not a reason to cheat. You knew better. Just keep it casual.

Now I know there are some people with the belief; why should I shower her with gifts, cook him food, treat them like a King/Queen if we are only dating? Like I said it’s an audition for a bigger role. But if you don’t see yourself in their future, then by all means keep it casual and all the other things are unnecessary. I like doing these things for H, all of them. I don’t feel enslaved I actually feel empowered, like hey I got this cool magic trick I can do (cook & stuff) cheat and poof🌫 it’s gone, I go and so does my fried rice lol.

There are two things I have always told him (1). The best and only revenge I can take when we have our petty fights is not cheating on him or unblocking my ex’es…it’s revoking his access to me, even for just a little while. What does that mean? Changing his name in my phone to his full government and disabling certain apps. No need to cheat, just delete (temporarily) (2). Create an environment in which I never want to leave and I won’t and vice versa, which is also why I treat him like a king.

On the real though; in all reality I know you can be everything the other person ever dreamed of, cook their favorite foods and do back flips on their🍆, and they will still find some reason to cheat on you.What keeps a person from cheating is themselves. They and only they can decide if losing you is worth the risk of a few moments of pleasure.

I’m unhappy in my marriage and not getting any attention at home and need some excitement in my life. Never stop dating your spouse. Love notes, romantic walks, dinner dates etc should not end when that ring slips on your finger. I like to call it a tiny handcuff lol, but it most certainly isn’t a death sentence. I know firsthand after many years of marriage it can become mundane, you two might grow up and apart, I think that’s just a normal cycle of life and if that happens then it’s best to just be honest with the other person. No need to cheat. You might be surprised they don’t feel the same way about you either and maybe you two can find a way to salvage what is left of the relationship. But even if you don’t at least you were honest and can have a clean conscience in knowing you did the right thing.

He/She cheated, so I’m going to cheat back.This doesn’t work. Now you have two people “cheating” on each other and zero communication. If the other person cheated, that’s on them and you should never feel like you need to stoop to their level. Take some time apart and heal. You may decide you want to forgive them, but can you really forgive him/her for cheating? I know I couldn’t.

Withholding Sex. This is another popular excuse.Do you own hands? Have a pack of batteries and a B.O.B (battery operated boyfriend). Then why are you cheating? Is there a reason your SO is withholding sex? Ask, communicate with them. Why are they withholding sex? I have never understood this concept, I would feel like I’m punishing myself as well. I have never withheld sex, I think it’s actually a great weapon to get what I want.

I’ve been cheated on, and let me tell you it hurts. Not only mentally and emotionally but physically as well. You feel like you are dying and after you mourn the person you were, you mourn the person you thought you were with questioning everything about yourself. Why wasn’t I good enough? What did I do wrong? Will anyone ever truly love me? The thing you need to always remember is that it wasn’t you that did anything wrong, but their selfishness and that is something they will need to live with.

I’ve also been the co-conspircheater to several married men. No, this is not something I’m proud of, nor am I totally ashamed. It was an experience in my life, one which I won’t repeat. They knew they were married or in serious relationships, yeah so did I but I always felt the greater burden of guilt should fall on them. Now I understand we were equally culpable and that makes me fear that Karma lady that everyone keeps talking about.

There are so many more excuses that I didn’t get the chance to cover but please feel free to ask me to cover more specific excuses if you’d like.

So my best advice…It is never okay to cheat. But I would really love to hear some of the justifications for cheating if you have any.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Friends with benefits

Friends with benefits

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Friends with benefits

I say if you’re single go for it! I don’t see anything wrong with 2 consenting adults engaging in a consensual sexual relationship with no expectations other than a few orgasms. But there are a few things to keep in mind!

Always Use Protection!

As long as all parties involved are aware that the arrangement is nothing more than that…an arrangement. Just make sure you are honest about it though from the very beginning. It’s unfair and unsafe to allow someone to think they are the only one you’re seeing if it isn’t true.

I think this also takes a 2 very mature people, it’s easy to say you’re okay with seeing someone for only sexual benefits but that can get lonely too. Especially if they are seeing other people and it can create bouts of unwarranted jealousy. Unwarranted because you technically have no rights to be jealous. But there is a good chance one or both people will experience jealousy to some degree.

So for me, it’s more about getting your heart and your head on the same page. I don’t think it’s that hard to develop feelings for someone that spends time inside your body, they say it’s easier for men to detach because they are the “penetrators” but I have come across men that have tried to crawl out of the FWB zone (excuse me sir, return to your assigned seat). Men tend to be more possessive as women are more emotional, so how does this work again?

Another way this thin line becomes blurred is when things go from casual to not so casual. What I mean by this is when they/ or you begin concerning themselves with things outside of the bedroom. For example, whether you get a promotion or a raise, change jobs or move. These are things that should be discussed in a relationship not someone you just sleep with.

Also, I believe we carry around with us the sexual energy of previous partners. So imagine this; you sleep with dick, and dick sleeps with Alice and while Dick is sleeping with Alice you sleep with Hank and while Dick sleeps with you Alice is sleeping with Fred…..So you just slept with Dick, Hank, Alice and Fred and didn’t even know it! So now on top of worrying about STD’s (Sexually Transmitted Disease) you have to worry about STD’s (Sexually Transmitted Demons) and condoms can’t protect you from that energy. Time for a spiritual cleanse.

It’s your body and you can share it with whom ever you like. Just make sure you set ground rules you’re comfortable with and remember to stick with them.

Here was an interesting article with advice on how a FWB arrangement has backfired on a man.

And if you do decide this is the type of relationship you’re into check this out. for some helpful information and tips.

Good luck!

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

How do you know when it’s time to end a relationship?

How do you know when it’s time to end a relationship?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

How do you know when it’s time to end a relationship?

The decision to end a relationship is never an easy one. From experience I’ve held on much longer than I probably should have and usually wound up getting hurt.

But when is the right time to leave? I mean, everyone deserves a second chance right? How about 3 chances…or 5? Is cheating a deal breaker for you? How about little white lies? Everyone has a breaking point, and that’s the really sad part, sometimes we have to get completely broken in order for us to find out what our breaking point is.

We continue these relationships for different reasons. In a past relationship I had the notion that, just a little bit of the person would be better than nothing at all. Until I realized I deserved more than the little I was receiving and it hurt more to hang on than it did to let go. Once I let go I had never felt more free. But it took a while to get to my breaking point and it took someone else (my fiance) to open up my eyes to it.

Sometimes we hang on because we don’t want to start over. Nothing sucks more than being in a relationship for many years and thinking about starting over with someone new. Having to learn a new person all over again, thinking about all of the wasted years. Sometimes we just suck it up due to familiarity or may be the other person convinces us that no one else will want us and it destroys our self esteem and ego.

Other times we may feel the person will change and we don’t want to feel like we are abandoning the person that we love so we continue to turn a blind eye. But if he/she is consistently doing the same thing even after you have expressed your feelings, will they ever really change? I’m not talking about little petty arguments or forgetting your birthday or not helping around the house. I’m talking about constant lying, domestic violence or excessive alcohol/drug use etc. If they are not actively seeking help then I see little room for hope or change. Wanting to change and taking the steps to change are very different.

But honestly, leaving a relationship is not always a negative thing. Sometimes it may be in the other person’s best interest. There came a point in my 2nd marriage that I felt that we could no longer grow as a unit, and I basically began living a double life. After many months rather than continue that behavior I decided it was in the best interest for my kids to be honest with their father and let him know that our marriage was over.

I knew I did the right thing, especially when after I told him he didn’t even question or ask why. It was almost as if he was relieved. It was a relief for me as well, it’s never easy to have that type of conversation…at least for me and for the most part we walked away amicably.

I would say the best measure of when to walk away is when the relationship gives you more pain than joy. That’s when you know it’s time to walk away. But think hard and long about it, love and relationships shouldn’t have a revolving door and ending a relationship should never be based on you just needing some time to see what else is out there with the notion you can always go back (it’s not like moving out of state/the country) this is a person’s life.

On the same note, never stay in a relationship that makes you feel small and broken. It’s okay to be afraid but be strong. Don’t walk back through that revolving door.

Relationships take love, time and a lot of work. Sometimes we don’t get it right on the first, second or third try…sadly some never find “The One”. But we all deserve love and happiness…never settle for anything less❤

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you look through your partner’s phone?

Should you look through your partner’s phone?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Should you look through your partner’s phone?

Absolutely NOT, because if you look, there is a good chance you will find something. No matter how minute (mi-noot) it may be it will seem much larger than it is.

The very fact that you feel the need to look should be addressed. Is it something you feel or something they have said or done that makes you feel the need to do this?

I’ll admit it, I’m a snoop and I will justify it with my insecurities. Yes, I have moments and days where I am extremely insecure or my anxiety kicks in. And yes, I have snooped through my fiance’s phone and scoured the phone bill and have come up loaded every time. And what did I get besides breaking my own heart…reasonable explanations.

He’s looked through mine too and boy oh boy did he find something. Albeit, it was 4 years old but way, way, way worse than anything I have found, so are we even yet? I’m pretty sure he broke his own heart too, and since then we have both learned not to snoop (at least I hope we have).

I’d like to say we have both learned it’s better to just ask each other about what ever it may be we’re feeling that drives us to snoop and I believe for the most part we do. And it is better to ask:

“Why is your phone always on DND?”

“Why is your phone always faced down?”

“Why is so&so calling you at 6 am?”

“Who is_____?”

“Why do you have old pictures/videos?”

The list is endless (please feel free to add your own) but it all comes down to trust. Which we are working on. My phone is still locked but he has the pass-code, because I truly have nothing to hide that I’m aware of.

What I mean by that is, what he found on my phone was an old video. Quite honestly, I completely forgot it was even there. So since that day, I have started to go through my camera roll and have found a few things that should have been deleted years ago.

I’m working on it, I have over 50,000 photos & videos (mostly selfies and memes) so it’s a lot of content to get through. But one day my phone will be free from it’s past.

Do I have his pass-code? No, well not technically. He say’s it’s his sons birthday but I tried every variation I could think of and nada. Maybe it’s best that way, I much rather enjoy the scenarios I make up in my head.

I did read an article on when it is appropriate to look through your partner’s phone and experts say it’s only appropriate “when it’s part of being totally transparent after they have cheated. “The only time it makes sense to look at each other’s phones is to get over cheating when complete transparency is the purpose,”. That seems fair to me. But what also seems fair is don’t look through mine unless I can look through yours🤷🏻‍♀️.

But back to the root of it all, if looking through your partners phone is something that consumes you, it’s best to take a better look at your relationship instead of looking through their phone.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Are emotional affairs worse than physical affairs?

Are emotional affairs worse than physical affairs?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Are emotional affairs worse than physical affairs?

Anytime your partner shares something that is intimate between you and them (whether it’s body parts or hopes and dreams) it hurts like F’ (my Fiance says I curse too much).

That being said, I think a physical relationship hurts waaay more, I mean it’s sex! You are naked, sharing all your nakedness and bumping fuzzy’s with someone who is not your partner/spouse etc.

But I can certainly understand how an emotional affair can be devastating. There are things that should just be shared between you and your partner. If you’re mad at me talk to me about it! If you don’t like something I’ve done, talk to me about it! If you have a dream or an aspiration you want to achieve, talk to me about it! How can we get through this if you are talking to someone else about the things that you wish would change or occur in our relationship?

I know it’s easy to vent to our friends as a sounding board before we talk to our S/O. Some times the advice is really good and sound, sometimes it’s just their opinion but either way, when it’s coming from your BFF/friend it’s usually coming from a place of love with nothing but the best intentions for you and your S/O.

However, where it can become tricky and there is a very thin line is when you start speaking to someone of the opposite sex or it can even be the same sex, about issues within your relationship. It’s allowing someone else into your relationship.

It’s possible that one or both of you may begin to develop feelings and become sexually attracted to one another. It’s practically handing them the road map to your heart and genitals. Giving someone access to what makes you tick and your hearts desire can send them the wrong message and IMO is a recipe for disaster.

For example; you’ve been talking to a co-worker or a random person that you strike up a conversation with at a bar or in some cases it might even be an ex. You divulge to them some things that are making you unhappy in your current relationship i.e, they no longer find you attractive or desirable, it may have been a long time since they have touched you sexually, or you think they are being unfaithful and it hurts you. You’re hurting and you need someone to tell.

These are the types of cracks in a relationship that just keep getting bigger. You are basically opening the door for someone to come in and do all the things that your S/O stopped doing. She stopped cooking your favorite meal, so now that pretty little secretary just happened to make to much and brought some extra to work to share with you. He stopped sending you cute little texts and making you feel special, so now that ex you thought you were only friends with thinks it’s okay to send you messages.

Nah, talk to your S/O! Find out why they stopped making your favorite meal, maybe it’s a cost issue or it’s time consuming and they are just having a hard time with work and are exhausted at the end of the day. Ask “why don’t you send me cute little messages anymore” maybe it has more to do with a reflection of themselves than it does with how they feel about you. They may be feeling down on them selves and not sure how to express it.

Give your S/O a fighting chance, it’s unfair not to. Bringing a third wheel into the relationship isn’t a healthy option, not unless it’s a paid professional. But if you must find yourself “venting” to someone that can possibly have an ulterior motive, ask yourself why and is this something you would like your S/O other to be doing?

I’m a betting woman and I’m pretty sure the answer is NO! and I’m also willing to bet (although I wasn’t able to find any hard statistics) that almost 99% of affairs begin as emotional cheating (the 1% is just uncontrollable horny bastards).

So it seems I have gone off on a tangent. Cheating is bad whether it is physical or emotional. But after some further review, research and listening to different perspectives emotional cheating is just about the same on the Jai scale. While I would be devastated if my fiance had sex with someone else it would hurt me just as much as if he was sharing his hopes and dreams and his annoyance at how loud I snore with another woman.

Here is some useful information I found on the subject:

How is an emotional affair different from a friendship?

Are you having an emotional affair?

12 Warning signs that it’s emotional infidelity and not “just friendship”.

7 Reasons why emotional cheating might feel worse than physical cheating.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com