Tag: Friendship

Rejuvenation

Rejuvenation

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It feels like I blinked and my weekend was…poof… gone! For the most part I spent it just watching t.v. in bed, while my husband worked and enjoyed a boys night. Don’t feel sad for me though, my weekend was not without any fun. I did wind up going to my sister’s house for lunch and wedding planning on Sunday, which usually involves a lot of prosecco and a ton laughs.

It was actually a very productive afternoon, she helped me dye my hair and we caught up on family current events. The one thing we didn’t really get to do was…you guessed it, wedding plan lol. But I suppose I have a few more weeks before I need to make any solid decisions regarding the guest list.

This weekend really got me thinking though about how much I really do miss being social and active outside of the house. Unfortunately this usually always happens during the winter months when I tend to hibernate from the cold weather. But since being in a serious relationship and now a married woman I have unintentionally cut ties with a lot of my girlfriends.

I no longer have a neighborhood bar where I get treated like royalty and everyone knows my name. I no longer have painful feet because I danced til dawn on a Saturday night and I no longer have a let’s get drunk at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon squad, and frankly… I miss it.

I didn’t really realize how much until my husband brought it to my attention. I need something to do while he has guys nights, he’s not 80 years old and still enjoys going to clubs etc…but I’m not 80 years old either. The only difference is that while he has been able to maintain his friendships, I have allowed mine to fall to out of touch. I miss my friends dearly but life has taken me on another path.

Don’t get me wrong, I still wanna vomit in a field (not really) and dance til dawn (definitely) and and go day drinking on a Sunday afternoon (💯definitely), but I also wanna build some dreams, make some money. I wanna hang with the girls planning a book club although we never pick a book or actually meet. I want to hang with women who inspire me to do better and have goals of their own.

The only issue with this is that these women are usually much younger than me. Take for example my work daughters, they are inspiring to the core, young and full of energy and dreams. Unfortunately I think women my age (middle) are content with their lives and just accept it is what it is. But I’m not. I’ve always wanted to do more. I’ve always wanted to do everything.

I think that’s part of the reason I feel the strong desire to go back to school and get my degree in social work (that and the sixty thousand dollars I owe on the degree I don’t yet have) or how I try to convince my husband who is interested in going into politics that we need to involve ourselves in community affairs, hand out turkeys etc. It’s ME, I have to do these things, and in doing these things I hope to meet like minded women.

So over the next few weeks I will be researching local organizations and seeing where my heart is being called to and trying to rekindle some old yet valuable friendships and also taking some time to explore my surroundings. My neighborhood is rich with history as well as culture and I love to learn about everything.

So happy belated woman’s Day and here’s to friendships new and old!

Happy Monday.

Tis the season…

Tis the season…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Thanksgiving is over…Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, you’re up!

This time of year can be stressful no matter what you’re beliefs are or how you celebrate. So let’s keep it light and fun, and remember it’s about family more than it’s about gifts.

If you’re like me, you like to receive gifts…and if your even more like me it means you like to give them more than to receive them (H if you happen to be reading this, I still want the air fryer lol), which often means I’m trying to figure how many kidney’s I’ll have to sell in order to get everyone something. Well at least the old me thought that way.

Since my children are mostly grown now, Christmas no longer has the urgency it once did. You know the one where you lie to keep up the facade of Santa being real and try to get everything on their wish list because after all Santa can give you everything as long as you are a good boy/girl! Thank God they never asked for a pony!

Gifts should really come more from the heart and less from the wallet. I know gifts cost money, but I think some of the coolest gifts I have ever given have been ones that I made. I used to be heavily into photography and it was always such a warmth in my heart to give someone a photo I have taken. Sometimes if I could I would buy a frame too or even make one.

Another way to keep cost down and still be in the Christmas giving spirit, is to have a Secret Santa drawing. This is a good way for all of the adults in the family (near or far) to exchange gifts. Agree on a price limit and set up a gift exchange on Elfster. I’m in charge of our family’s Secret Santa this year…wish me luck lol.

If you are going to visit someone’s home for the holidays you can always bring a “host gift” IMO it covers everyone in the house (except the kids). It can be good bottle of wine or homemade Dominican Ponche or Puerto Rican Coquito all are delicious inexpensive choices.

How do you celebrate the upcoming holidays? Please share with me sone of your traditions.

Happy Thanksgiving🍁🦃🍽

Happy Thanksgiving🍁🦃🍽

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

How was your thanksgiving? We celebrated Thanksgiving with my family and even though we’re all a little kooky, at the end of the day we still have each other. As usual it was an amazing time filled with tons of laughter (egg roll?) and love♥️.

The holidays are not a festive and happy time for everyone. There are some people that really struggle with this time of year whether it’s financial reasons or they may not have any family close by and feel alone. We may be so caught up in our own lives we may not even notice.

If you know someone who is going through an especially hard time please check up on them. They may feel as if they don’t want to burden you. Let them know it’s okay. If you can, maybe include them in your holiday plans or even just something as simple as a phone call or text to let them know you’re thinking about them.

I hope your thanksgiving was filled with good food and the love of family and friends and you gobbled til you wobbled. Til Monday friends.

Would you stop dating someone if your friend’s didn’t like them?

Would you stop dating someone if your friend’s didn’t like them?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Would you stop dating someone if your friend’s didn’t like them?

Hell MF NO! During our dating years there is bound to be some strife at some point between your significant other and your family friends. If this has never happened to you, consider yourself lucky! If it has, never let it interfere with your relationship.

I’ll admit over the years there may have been a person or two or three that I have disliked that was dating one of my family members or friends. It might have been for good reasons (at least to me) and although I can’t remember what was said I’m pretty sure I voiced my opinion. But that’s all it was meant to be…MY opinion.

They continued to date or communicate with the person and that’s on them. I only know what they tell me or I have observed with my own eyes and sometimes even that can be deceiving. Eye and ear hustling can be dangerous, if you aren’t part of the conversation mind ya business.

Same should be said for me. If one of my friends or family members are not thrilled with my choice of partners, that’s okay no one said you have to like them, but you are not the one dating them. So again, mind ya business.

It’s very easy for someone on the outside looking in to have an opinion about your life, but it is your life.

My BFF had something to say about most of my boyfriends. It never really bothered me because her perception of the situations and the reality of it were usually way off base, and I quite honestly had no desire to clear things up. Was I wrong? Maybe, but at the end of the day it’s my relationship/my business.

I guess with this I also learned to be careful with what I share with my friends and family. I no longer vent to them when H and I are having a tiff, because more often than not it is extremely short lived (it last for maybe a day or two, max) and I don’t want them forming opinions based on a moment of things said out of anger.

Bottom line; does he/she make YOU happy? Are they providing YOU with the things YOU require? Not just monetary things, helping to pay bills is great but I’m talking about things like love, emotional and physical support? All your needs are met are you grinning from ear to ear more than you’re crying? Good do you!

I know not every relationship is sunshine all the time, some relationships really are toxic and abusive and we might turn a blind eye to it believing it is love and if you are in one of these unhealthy relationships I would urge you to seek help. Be honest with yourself. Are the concerns your friend or family member have valid ones? Try to see things from their perspective too. It’s only fair. But remember it’s ultimately up to you to decide.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

How do you ward off an “Emotional Vampire”?

How do you ward off an “Emotional Vampire”?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

How do you ward off an “Emotional Vampire”?

This is very difficult for me as I want to save everyone, but I’m finding it increasingly difficult these days. Sometimes I need a break to mentally reset myself, and lately my life just got a little crazier so I just need to focus on me and mine.

I have always dealt with emotional/energy vampires. I think they are drawn to my vibrant friendly energy and my willingness to always have an open non-judgmental ear.But sometimes it can be to much to handle, especially when it is the same issues constantly.

For years, I let it carry on, I think when it most became visible to me was when I noticed I was doing it to others. The constant harping on the same issues that never changed. I decided that I didn’t want to talk about all negative things in my life anymore, I wanted to revoke it’s power over me, so I just stopped sharing.

When I started listening to others, I couldn’t believe how emotionally draining it was. How me, the social butterfly, party princess stopped wanting to socialize and limited my interactions with certain people. Is this how other people felt about me? I hope not, it’s a very heavy, emotionally exhausting unhealthy feeling. I’m sunshine and light, and when I stop wanting to help someone, that means something is wrong.

Why don’t I ever say hey, you’re to much for me to handle right now go fix yourself? Because I’m not rude and probably to kind for my own good. But honestly it boils down to not wanting to further rattle anyone’s mental state. I’m not a therapist and would never want to be responsible for pushing anyone over the edge, some people just need to talk.

The best way I have found for me is just to avoid contact and limit my interactions with them. Just like I do when “soft ghosting” someone. I won’t be the first to reach out anymore, and when we do speak I remember all the reasons why I avoid them. It’s exhausting so I try to set up boundaries without using any words.

Here is a an article on the “6 signs your friend is an Emotional Vampire” and what you can do about it.

At the end of the day, I believe they mean no harm and quite possibly don’t even realize they are doing it, but if even after you have set your boundaries and limited outings they continue to suck up all your energy it might be a good time to reevaluate the friendship/relationship.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

When going out with a group of friends, what’s the best way to handle the check?

When going out with a group of friends, what’s the best way to handle the check?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

When going out with a group of friends, what’s the best way to handle the check?

Kelsy M. Bronx, New York

The best way is to discuss it before hand and not at the table.

There is nothing wrong with, if as a group you prefer to pay for own tabs. I feel that is probably the fairest way to do it. Just make sure you let your server know before ordering. It makes it easier on them.

There isn’t anything wrong with splitting the bill evenly either (as long as it was agreed upon before hand). But I will say, you shouldn’t have someone else pay for your steak and tequila when they had a garden salad and a glass of wine. So be mindful when splitting the check.

When I’m on a really tight budget, sometimes it’s hard for me to go out with a group as that bill can be unpredictable, a $400 tab can give a person a heart attack (FYI, it came out to about $80 pp including tip…but still). So what I wind up doing is letting everyone that I will be stopping by for a drink or two, but not staying. This way the group knows to not include me in anticipation of paying the bill. I get to see my friends, show support for the event and not kill my wallet.

Honestly, I think Brunch was the best social event ever created. I mean you go, pay a set price for an entree and UNLIMITED drinks 🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂 for a specific amount of time. Good for your wallet, good for your social life and friendships, probably bad for your liver so please drink responsibly and never drive.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com