Tag: Holiday

Christmas crunch time…

Christmas crunch time…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment
It’s Christmastime🎄 in the city.

Christmas crunch time…

If you haven’t finished your holiday shopping what are you waiting for?!?!!! I’m pretty much done but there is so much more I would like to and wish I could do, so during lunch I will try my best to not go out and spend the last of the money I have.

The only good thing about last minute shopping are the deals so good luck and I hope you are able to fulfill the wishes of everyone on your list. I think I did good, I was able to get everyone exactly what they asked for and a few extra odds and ends.

But in all reality, Christmas isn’t even about the presents. It’s about being with the ones you love. This will be the third Christmas for H and I, but only the second we are spending together and I feel like a big kid about it. I can’t even explain it, but the holidays mean something different to me this year.

Could it be better, yes absolutely. If we both had our children with us it would make it the best Christmas ever. I may not get to see my youngest, The Grinch is already coming up with excuses and H won’t get to see his children either. I know it doesn’t help now, but I am extremely hopeful that next year will be different for us both.

So today as we prep for this holiday and as we finish wrapping our presents and preparing our feasts and getting ready to spend time with our family, I’m going to say a special prayer for anyone that may be spending the holiday alone. Family is what you make of it, so enjoy it with them while you can.

My heart is empty yet it is also full….does that make sense to you? Alright, that’s enough of the Christmas womp womps…Time to chill the Prosecco, get those last minute gifts wrapped and let the Christmas countdown begin!

So Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa and everything else in between!

If you breakup with your SO before the holidays should you still give them their gift?

If you breakup with your SO before the holidays should you still give them their gift?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

If you breakup with your SO before the holidays should you still give them their gift?

Yikes! I’m going with yes… but it also depends.

If we broke because he cheated I’d set that shit on fire🔥, he’s lucky I’m not burning his house down (just kidding, I don’t condone violence of any sort so please don’t burn anyone’s house down). So in this case No, I wouldn’t still give him the gift. If it was something that can be donated or sold and the money can be donated I would do that…at least this was something good can come out of the situation.

But if the breakup were amicable or over something very small and petty (which are little 2 day breakups usually are) yes, I would still give him the gift. In fact, in the past I have…on more than one occasion.

Funny now that I think about it, we usually do have some trouble right before the holidays or his birthday…which coincidentally is Valentines’s Day🤔lol. Two years ago, I had purchased a custom card with “The Office” theme. Even though we were broken up by the time the card arrived to me I still mailed it to him ahead of his birthday…funny thing is we had gotten back together by the time it arrived to his house. He loves the card, but hated that it was so simply written:

Happy Birthday,

J

We laugh about it now. The point is I still sent it even though I could have just tossed it in the trash and called it a day. The same thing happened in September, I had purchased him a St. Michael’s braided bracelet and it arrived during a time of uncertainty in our relationship. I still gave it to him, especially because it was bought out of love and I still wanted him to have it.

What I do not suggest doing is giving it to them with the intention of reopening any relationship windows. Especially if that isn’t were either of your hearts are. Don’t try to use the gift to try and woo them back, and this is only the case if you have already purchased it. I do not suggest going out to buy them anything.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Co-parenting and the holidays

Co-parenting and the holidays

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Co-parenting and the holidays

This is definitely a tough one. I feel like I got cheated out of Thanksgiving with my youngest because she was generally at the mercy of her dad who has custodial custody and drives her around, but I also realize that not everyone has the luxury have of being able to communicate with them.

When we separated, there really wasn’t any love lost between us. For several years after the marriage ended we continued to co-habituate under the same roof for the sake of the kids. But that can only last so long, so we eventually went our separate ways. My youngest daughter chose to live with him and even though it broke my heart I knew it was the best thing for her.

We don’t have an official holiday vising schedule set in place, and I feel like we definitely need one ASAP especially for next year. I mean you only get to see her EVERYDAY of the year, can I get a Christmas morning every other year? I don’t think its to much to ask for.

So what would be fair? Switching every other year just like I implemented when we were married. It’s not really that hard and trust me I know he will miss her. I certainly do but all is fair in civility and war.

I’m hoping she will be able to make it to my sister’s house for Christmas eve, I guess I will start harassing him now. We actually do get along now we have both moved on with our personal lives and our only connection is the children. Have we mastered this co-parenting thing? Hell No! but we are civil enough to each other and are trying our best.

For others, they aren’t this lucky and that is a terribly sad thing. When two people who were intimate enough to create a life but now can’t even stand each other enough to do what’s in the best interest of the child. I’d like to be naive and think that the warmth of the holiday seasons can warm up even the coldest of hearts..but reality sets in and reminds me that this is real life and not some Hallmark movie.

So what would I suggest to anyone that isn’t getting to spend the holidays with their child? It is in no way a substitution but make sure you spend it with people you love and make you feel loved. Don’t close yourself off to the world. Make sure you document the holiday in some way that is meaningful to you and them. Maybe it is an old tradition you shared and want to keep alive or a new tradition you hope to incorporate when you are finally reunited.

Most of all never give up hope that things will someday be different. That’s what I do. Hope, its the invisible gift that keeps giving me life.

Are you a single parent? How are you splitting the holidays this season?

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Let’s talk resolutions

Let’s talk resolutions

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Let’s talk resolutions

It’s that time of year again…when we think of all the things we’d like to change, start or do over in the new year. I’m infamous for this…I believe some of my last years resolutions were to learn to drive and learn Spanish…neither of which I have done and I doubt I’ll accomplish by tonight.

But are New Year’s Resolutions really necessary…I’m starting to think NO, for the simple fact that I never keep them…and I’m still standing. Am I going to make a few this year? Absolutely, it’s a tradition. So let’s go over the few I’m bound to make and break:

Always my number 1 resolution.

Go to the gym: I mean we are already paying for it, so may as well use it. This has to to be my all time most made and never kept resolution. And while it should be the most easiest (I mean it’s only an hour out of my day, but still so hard to squeeze in). So this year, here is to a more fit and healthier us🥂!

Learn Spanish (the language and to dance 💃🏻 ): This, you would think should be cake, I mean my dad is Hispanic, my husband is Hispanic…so what’s the issue here? I always feel self conscious when it comes to my Hispanic side. I have zero confidence in myself even if I know how to say something. And forget dancing, I feel like an idiot with two left feet with H, he danced competitively and makes me so nervous and uncomfortable. I mentioned that I wanted to take lessons with a professional but he axed that idea. So for now it’s just my two left feet and a ton of liquid courage for me.

Acquire another stamp on our passports✈: We have never traveled out of the country together. So I’m really excited to plan a trip, I’m thinking someplace warm.

Plan a wedding anniversary fit for a king: It’s no secret, I have been down the wedding aisle more than once. I’ve had both civil ceremonies and a grand party. But for H is this is his first and only marriage and I want him to have the wedding experience he deserves. So I’m making a resolution to make sure he has that.

The year has been a bit of a rocky one for me, I’ve learned a lot about myself over the past 12 months and had some scary (almost going to jail) and incredible (marrying the love of my life) moments. I have hope that 2020 is going to be OUR year. It’s a new beginning and a fresh start for us both. So here’s to a brand new year, it can only go up from here 🥂.

I wish everyone a happy and prosperous new year, see you in 2020.

Do you have any resolutions you are planning on making or breaking?

Meeting the family for the first time?

Meeting the family for the first time?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 4 Comments

Meeting the family for the first time?

Just be yourself. Unless you’re an A-hole, then be somebody else. Just kidding, always be yourself. Obviously the person you are with sees something special in you that’s important enough to bring you home to meet their family.

Meeting the family can be stressful, I think more so around the holidays. Usually there is a larger crowd to deal with as opposed to just a regular Sunday dinner. So it might be better to put it off until you can meet everyone in smaller doses . But if you can’t just relax and take it easy.

Bring something

He/she may say that bringing something is unnecessary, but trust me it is better to bring an unnecessary gift than to show up empty handed. A good bottle of wine, maybe a box of good quality chocolates or even some festive flowers. The smallest effort will be appreciated.

Dress appropriately

Aside from being clean, neat and appearing tidy make sure you are dressed to impress. I’m not talking a tuxedo or a ball gown, I’m talking about if you’re a guy leave the sweats and sneakers at the park, if your’re a woman make sure you are wearing something that doesn’t show your underwear if you bend over. Don’t get me wrong, you should always be able to express yourself and be comfortable in your clothes and no one should ever judge anyone based on their clothing but you will be.

Limit your alcohol intake

Loose lips sinks ships…and alcohol has a way of helping us behave in away that can be misconstrued. So until you become more familiar with the family I’d leave the shots for another time.

Offer to help

Even if they decline your offer, at least you tried. Offering to help shows you appreciate being invited into their home and that you are investing your time into the family gathering, not just there for your SO.

Interact with the family

If he/she has shared details with you about the family and they are present let them know. If he mentioned his sister just graduated high school, congratulate her and ask about future plans…his uncle just retired and is about to see the world…ask to tag along…just kidding, but you see where I’m going with this. It shows that he talks about his family and it shows that you care enough to listen.

Keep the PDA to a minimum

While you might want to tongue each other down and profess your love for each other or grab a quickie in the bathroom, its best to wait until you get home…or at least until you get to your car.

Go with the family flow

If the family is rambunctious and lively go ahead be lively too, you don’t want to seem like a prude or fuddy duddy or if they are more conservative I would suggest toning it down so you don’t appear like a character off of “Shameless” (my family is more like Shameless lol). Use your best judgment.

I remember when H met my family for the first time. It was a little awkward and uncomfortable for many reasons, but he basically fit right in. I feel like were “The Munsters” meets “Shameless” lol. And for this reason everyone fits in♥️.

I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting his family, I mean I have met his mother but I would like the opportunity to see her again while I’m fully clothed🤦🏻‍♀️.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you wish your ex a Happy Holiday?

Should you wish your ex a Happy Holiday?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

Should you wish your ex a Happy Holiday?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…unless it’s not.The holiday’s can be a stressful time of year for many different reasons. Maybe you are living in a new state and away from your family or having some financial difficulties. Or maybe it’s a recent breakup. A breakup sucks in general, but right before the holidays it could hurt a bit more.

So now what? Don’t allow being lonely to drive you back into the arms of someone that you are no longer with just because you don’t want to spend the holidays alone. It’s an easy trap to fall into.

The “hey, just wanted to wish you a ______ “is one of the oldest tricks in the book and one of the easiest relationship windows to re-enter. Yes, on occasion in the past I have wished my ex’s a Merry Christmas, Happy Easter etc…. But that was because we all still hung out in the same circles and since the relationships ended amicably we remained friendly, and I was also friendlyish with their wives/ girlfriends.

So for me it was nothing more than a friendly holiday salutation. But what if it’s deeper than that. I know someone who still had her ex accompany her to family functions for two years after the breakup because she didn’t want her family to know. They always wound up getting back together…but then once the warmth of the holiday’s were over so was the warmth between them…until next year.

I get it, spending the holidays alone can be tough. I never knew what I was missing until recently. I have dated since separating from Cee but never thought anyone deserved to meet my family (that could be taken either way lol). Until H, this will be the second year he will spend the holidays with my family and he fits right in with us. Would I want him to wish his ex’s a Merry Christmas …hell fucking NO! He can however send them a lovely Christmas card of us♥️.

If you really feel a connection to your ex, I would put off any contact until after the holidays, this way you will know for sure whether or not you truly just want to wish them well or reconnect. After the holidays have passed you might feel a whole different way. I almost guarantee it.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you attend your holiday office party without your SO?

Should you attend your holiday office party without your SO?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 2 Comments

Should you attend your holiday office party without your SO?

Is there a reason you’re excluding them? Understandably to keep cost down, some companies might not allow you to bring your SO. In this case to be respectful to H, I would make a quick run through, make sure all of the important people have seen me and then make my exit. Unless of course he is working or other wise busy, then I would stay longer. Point being, I would never want him to feel excluded. Would he do the same for me? Not really sure, but I would hope so.

I’ve been to many an office party and while I feel they are great fun and good for team camaraderie, anytime you add alcohol to the mix it can be a dangerous and thin line. Yes, I always drink too much but have always behaved myself. The same cannot be said of others.

In 2012, my company held a large Holiday party at our headquarters. The entire staff from every site was invited and although I hung out mostly with my team it was also supposed to be a great networking event. Well the alcohol was flowing and one of my former coworkers became a little handsy (we’ll call him R) and one of my other former coworkers (we’ll call him F) became really concerned.

So much that he accompanied me home on the train even though I was going in the opposite direction he was. All because R was going the same way and he wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to try anything further. R didn’t show up to work the next day and when he did return he apologized.

I’ve also witnessed firsthand some of the behavior that takes place at these parties. According to Emotional Affair Journey it’s like a “hot bed for infidelity”, I asked one of my former coworkers if she was bringing her husband to the company party, her response…”Would you bring sand to the beach?” I’m guessing that means no? lol. I’m not trying to be a Grinch and steal your holiday fun, if you’re single, do you! Although I wouldn’t advise shitting where you eat! Been there done that. Not as fun as everyone thinks, unless you like awkward situations.

Don’t get me wrong, not every party ends in drunken debauchery if you do wind up going alone just ask yourself is this how I want ____ to behave? If you decide to stay home here is two fun options to liven up your evening:

  1. If you have never watched “The Office” what are you waiting for??? Start watching! If you have, catch up on all of the Christmas episodes by using this handy guide from People and Mindy Aka Kelly Kapoor.
  2. Get a Santa hat and put it on the corner of the T.V.. Every time someone appears to be wearing it…take a shot of your favorite alcohol.

Snuggling and stuff with your love is also another great way to spend the evening. Holiday parties are fun, but there is nothing like spending time with the one you love…Corny, maybe. But I’m still in the honeymoon phase sooo Sssshhh.

Whatever you do make sure your safe. Please drink responsibly and DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE!

Also I think it’s extremely important to add when I say drink responsibly I’m also talking about being mindful of your actions. Alcohol aka liquid courage might help you get up the nerve to speak to someone you normally wouldn’t or say things more aggressively and make the other person uncomfortable. So maybe save the flirting for the watercolor and not the office party.

If you’re on the receiving end of unwanted advances I know it can be easy to want to chalk it up to the other person just being drunk and not really meaning anything by it. If it makes you uncomfortable say something. Alcohol should not be an excuse for bad behavior.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Splitting holiday time fairly

Splitting holiday time fairly

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

When you first begin a relationship, deciding where to spend the holidays can be a little tricky. Even more so when you both come from families that have strong traditions.

During my first marriage it was pretty easy to navigate the holidays. My family never really celebrated Thanksgiving, I mean we had a big meal, my parents made pernil and Chinese fried rice (I’m half Chinese) but they never made a turkey (until I instilled that tradition) so spending Thanksgiving with his family was a given. I’m also half Hispanic so our Christmas celebration is celebrated on Christmas eve. His family was Italian/ Irish so they always held their get together on Christmas Day. Win win for everyone.

What I also appreciated with this arrangement was the joys of Christmas mornings, especially when I had my first born. As I mentioned my family celebrated Christmas eve so what that basically meant was we waited until midnight to open our presents and then that was it…it was over. But now, I had the opportunity to give my children both my family’s tradition while creating a new one. I mean how else was I going to explain Santa to them. I think my parents lied and said he came to Hispanic homes first 🤷🏻‍♀️lol.

With my second marriage it was a whole other story. We both had similar backgrounds so for years, his family always got Thanksgiving day and I hosted my family the Saturday after where I served them delicious turkey and Chinese fried rice. The same went for Christmas, his family got Christmas eve and I got to visit my family Christmas Day. I eventually had to put my foot down and actually drew up a contract stating going forward we were alternating holidays with our families. He agreed. A year later his family moved out of state. Win for me.

Now that I am older and my children are creating their own traditions and spending time with their SO families I do get a little sad this time of year. I never wanted to be that demanding mom that guilted her children to surround her during every holiday like she was the Queen lol. No, I am not bitter, it’s what I used to stay as I stamped my feet to get ready to go to hell I mean his mother’s (just kidding). And I am definitely not that mom and I hope my kids can appreciate that.

So yes, I’m ready to create some new traditions for me and H. He has spent the last two Thanksgivings with my family…so next year I’m ready to be fair and visit with his. I was really hoping to go away for Christmas this year but didn’t really put enough thought into planning it, so maybe next year we can get away for a bit. This year the anticipated itinerary is: stopping by his family’s house before we head over to mine where we will finish out our night and open our secret Santa gifts…I wonder who got me????

So the best advice I can give is; make sure you talk to each other and make sure you’re being fair. Don’t be afraid to start your own traditions and above all, wherever and however you choose to spend it make sure it’s with people you love.

So where are you spending Christmas?

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas, birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas, birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 3 Comments

Should you still continue to send a (Christmas,birthday, holiday) gift to an ex’s children after the relationship is over?

I’m going with YES!…well as long as neither parent objects.

The children have done nothing to you and probably had nothing to do with the relationship ending. So why should they suffer because the relationship ended?

H has two small children and I formed a bond with one of them. Every holiday I send them a little something on behalf of us in the name of e.g. Halloween candy from The Great Pumpkin, Easter baskets from The Easter Bunny, Valentine’s Candy from The Great Heart… it’s little traditions I began when my own children were babies that I’d like to carry on.

H doesn’t really have a relationship with my children. My youngest is 14 and they never had the chance to form a bond. So in that case it would not be expected and totally understood if they had no further contact if our relationship ended.

Obviously above all, the parent’s wishes must be respected. If your ex SO or the child’s mother/father is uncomfortable with you giving their child/children gifts after the relationship is over then as much as it may hurt, you must stop.

What would you do differently and why? Please feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

If you’d like my opinion on a certain situation or to have your questions answered you can submit your request to:

WWjai.do@yahoo.com

Tis the season…

Tis the season…

by Queen Pea👸🏻 ♥ 1 Comment

Thanksgiving is over…Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, you’re up!

This time of year can be stressful no matter what you’re beliefs are or how you celebrate. So let’s keep it light and fun, and remember it’s about family more than it’s about gifts.

If you’re like me, you like to receive gifts…and if your even more like me it means you like to give them more than to receive them (H if you happen to be reading this, I still want the air fryer lol), which often means I’m trying to figure how many kidney’s I’ll have to sell in order to get everyone something. Well at least the old me thought that way.

Since my children are mostly grown now, Christmas no longer has the urgency it once did. You know the one where you lie to keep up the facade of Santa being real and try to get everything on their wish list because after all Santa can give you everything as long as you are a good boy/girl! Thank God they never asked for a pony!

Gifts should really come more from the heart and less from the wallet. I know gifts cost money, but I think some of the coolest gifts I have ever given have been ones that I made. I used to be heavily into photography and it was always such a warmth in my heart to give someone a photo I have taken. Sometimes if I could I would buy a frame too or even make one.

Another way to keep cost down and still be in the Christmas giving spirit, is to have a Secret Santa drawing. This is a good way for all of the adults in the family (near or far) to exchange gifts. Agree on a price limit and set up a gift exchange on Elfster. I’m in charge of our family’s Secret Santa this year…wish me luck lol.

If you are going to visit someone’s home for the holidays you can always bring a “host gift” IMO it covers everyone in the house (except the kids). It can be good bottle of wine or homemade Dominican Ponche or Puerto Rican Coquito all are delicious inexpensive choices.

How do you celebrate the upcoming holidays? Please share with me sone of your traditions.